Nine Days Restrictions Don't Feel Different Than Other Days

amother

Outerspace

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 4:10 pm

Me

I don't always shower and I'm a slob so laundry and clean linen are not part of my regular schedule.

Even fleishigs is not much of a big deal because we are going through a hard time financially and only ever have ground meat once a week (but not every week) and chicken on shabbos. Nowadays we usually eat pareve dinners.

Elfrida

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 6:05 pm

The restrictions are physical ways to help guide us into the feeling of mourning and awareness of our loss. They're not designed just to make us suffer.

If they're not helping you, look for other (additional) ways to help increase your awareness. Read more about the Beit haMikdash and the connection to Hashem that it gave us, and how much our lives have changed since we lost that.

amother

Cherry

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 6:19 pm

For me it’s music. I have a very stressful medical related job, and music is how I cope with a lot of the stress. Today alone I saw enough suffering to make me realize what we’re missing.

amother

Moccasin

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 6:31 pm

I have cPTSD. I listen to music because it helps me make it through the day, not because because it makes me happy. I don't need external restrictions in order to be sad, I am sad enough.

I feel like the laws of the three weeks were written for people with good mental health.

amother

Violet

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 6:34 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

Are there actually people with good mental health? bc myself included..everyone around me is struggling!

Highstrung

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 6:39 pm

Elfrida wrote:

A person that struggles with depression feels galus every day. It causes a person to disconnect and be unable to feel HaShem. They are aware and feel this every day when they open their eyes. There’s no worse pain than feeling so alone and in despair.

Last edited by Highstrung on Wed, Jul 19 2023, 6:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

Highstrung

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 6:42 pm

I woke up in the middle of the night with a stomache virus and I soiled towels and linen and pjs and I won’t be able to wash it for 9 days . So I’m feeling the restrictions on laundry already .

amother

Candycane

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 6:53 pm

Highstrung wrote:

I woke up in the middle of the night with a stomache virus and I soiled towels and linen and pjs and I won’t be able to wash it for 9 days . So I’m feeling the restrictions on laundry already .

My guess is if it's dirty like that you can probably wash it. Ask a rav if you really want.

amother

Snowflake

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 6:59 pm

Highstrung wrote:

I woke up in the middle of the night with a stomache virus and I soiled towels and linen and pjs and I won’t be able to wash it for 9 days . So I’m feeling the restrictions on laundry already .

Please ask a sheila! You might be surprised at the answer. You may be permitted to wash anything soiled either because of kavod habrios or to prevent major monetary loss if all those items have to be thrown out after sitting in the stains for so long and not coming clean.

DH was once near some kind of explosion (this was years ago so I don't remember the details other than it was not terrorism) that made the news and it was reported that anyone who was exposed to the debris or air in the area should shower thoroughly and wash their clothes as well. Of course this was during the 9 days, so we asked a sheila and were told to follow those recommendations. Not only was I able to wash the clothing he was wearing, but everything in the hamper in case it was contaminated.

Refuah shelaima!

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 7:21 pm

Highstrung wrote:

I woke up in the middle of the night with a stomache virus and I soiled towels and linen and pjs and I won’t be able to wash it for 9 days . So I’m feeling the restrictions on laundry already .

Certain instances are putar and this is one. 1- you're not feeling well. Refuah needs. 2- uncleanliness to this extent it's mutar to wash the laundry that was affected. Or else it causes health problems.

Highstrung

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 7:22 pm

tf wrote:

Right . I’m worried about spreading germs . I’ll call and ask . Thanks .

Highstrung

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 7:40 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

I asked and my rav told me to wash it.

DustyDiamonds

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 8:43 pm

Sending your hugs OP!!!!

I heard from a relative who learned in Yeshiva in Philly in the 70’s that at that time Reb Shmuel Kaminetsky said that nowadays it’s standard to shower daily, and it’s Asur to skip showers during the 9 days if you live amongst other people, due to Bain Adam Lachaveiro (interpersonal) commandments!

Showers should be a bit colder and shorter, and not leisurely.

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 8:46 pm

The showering part is what gets me most, tho washing in cool water is no hardship this time of year. Been showering mostly in cool water for weeks. I'm a fleish-ophobe and dairy glutton so no fleish is no skin off my nose. Not much of a music listener though I do have to remember not to sing cheery songs as I usually do. Seldom buy new clothes so that's no biggie either. But I always seem to notice things that need to be fixed, whether it's clothes to mend or patches of wall that need to be spackled or shelves that need to be put up. No hardship but an annoyance not to do them.

hodeez

Wed, Jul 19 2023, 8:50 pm

Highstrung wrote:

I woke up in the middle of the night with a stomache virus and I soiled towels and linen and pjs and I won’t be able to wash it for 9 days . So I’m feeling the restrictions on laundry already .

Refuah shelaimah hope you are doing better Hug

amother

Thu, Jul 20 2023, 9:49 am

Highstrung wrote:

This thank you.

Thank you for all of your responses everyone it helps me feel less alone

gottago

Mon, Jul 24 2023, 6:56 am

As someone who has been through periods of deep depression, what helps me feel the churban and yearn for moshiach is to focus on the loss of connection. We can only be depressed and disconnected because we're in golus. That's something to be sad about! When we daven for moshiach, we are davening for a world in which there's no depression- only joy. There's no struggle- only clarity. There's no disconnection- only feeling deep and satisfying connection to ourselves, HaShem, and other people.