Landlord and tenant question….

amother

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:38 pm

Hi, how is everyone doing?

I have a question I’m not sure the answer to..

We BH moved into a new apartment in a 2 family house. We are upstairs and the landlady is downstairs. She is a widow and lives by herself.

My DH mentioned that maybe we should invite her for a shabbos meal in the near future. I’m hesitant to do so bc I don’t want to mix business with family. I had terrible experiences with previous landlords unfortunately so I’m scared to get hurt again.. (our previous landlord wanted to raise our rent by $300, and used to boast to us how he’s doing us a favor by letting us live there since he can get so much more money from richer people. But we can’t afford that and we told him we’ll look for a new place. He then threatened to take us to beis din for wanting to leave. I realize he’s very old and needs a Refuah Shlema)
An experience like that makes me want to have an only peaceful relationship with the landlord, where our only interaction is when we pay her the rent on time every month.
(She said at the lease signing that she will not fix anything that breaks, which we took with a grain of salt but wtvr BH we have a place to live)

Anyway, back to my question-
Do we have her over for a Shabbos meal eventually? She mostly goes to her children’s home, but some weekends she’ll be there…

I just want a relationship with no fighting. I don’t want to get personal honestly..
my MIL told me I better have her. But she doesn’t understand me at all..

Thanks in advance for replies!
Hope everyone has an easy fast tomorrow! Moshiach should come before!

imasinger

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:40 pm

What's your impression of her as a person?

tweety1

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:45 pm

I kept landlord/tenant relationship mostly business like. Hi, how are you, etc that's it. My tenant tried getting personal favors from me but I nicely said no.

ahuvaahuva

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:46 pm

Sounds like you are nervous.
No reason to make a decision now.. she might not even be home for a while. Once you know each other better you can write a lists of pros and cons to decide. She herself might not be comfortable.

flowerpower

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:53 pm

I used to take supper to my widowed landlord and keep her company some nights. Her kids were very happy. It depends on your landlord- if she is nice and normal then why not invite her. Wait until you live there for about a month or two and feel more comfortable.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:55 pm

I would invite her over. Might make her want to fix something if it breaks.
I have more than a hi bye relationship with my current landlord.

amother

Magnolia

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 8:57 pm

I think you should do everything you can to have a friendly relationship. You're not just business partners, your neighbors. Obviously you need proper boundaries, the way you need with all neighbors. But having a good strong healthy personal relationship will actually make them less likely for them to treat you the way your previous landlord did. A landlord who feels a personal connection to you, sees you as a person, treats you like a neighbor, it's just less likely to be unfair. No guarantees obviously, but that's my experience.

amother

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 9:30 pm

Right, I’m just nervous to get burned again..
Regarding the previous landlord, we were always nice and kind to him, we never caused problems, always paid rent on time, etc. we really try to be beshalom
He was just so so money hungry, he didn’t realize what good tenants he had

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jul 25 2023, 9:35 pm

I would wait a few months before extending an invite. Be kind and polite for now and see how the relationship develops. If she is nice and normal, then invite her. Depending on where you live she might appreciate invitations in the winter when its harder to get around.

amother

Wed, Jul 26 2023, 11:21 am

Ok, thank you everyone