Child refuses to go for help (therapy)

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 12:21 am

Due to major behavioral issues at school, and sensory issues at home, I had my child evaluated - a neuropsych evaluation ($6,000 type although my insurance helped some).
The only thing they were able to come up with was low anxiety. Didn't really explain the social and behavioral issues at school. They recommended that we come to their office for therapy sessions but child refuses (major denial or unawareness that there is a big problem). I asked the evaluator for advice on how to get the kid to therapy and she didn't have any advice!! She just said - bring your child!
How do I help this kid??
(We already tried the OT route, it's just so expensive).

amother

Khaki

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 1:16 am

Partly depends how old the child is.

If they’re only finding low-grade anxiety-maybe some medication could be prescribed, and see if that brings any behavioral changes?

amother

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 1:27 am

Age 11.
There isn't any signs of anxiety in day to day life. Issues are with social skills, behavior, and sensory input. Could it be that low grade anxiety is causing such a big problem with social and behavior? Would medication make them change their mind about going to therapist?

amother

Yolk

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 1:41 am

Did you ask your kid why they don't want to go? At 11 they can tell you what is bothering them.

amother

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 8:37 am

"Why would you not want to try this out, even once?"
"There's nothing wrong with me, I didn't do any of those things you said or my school said. They are all lying."

Another version:

"Let's try this one time, there might be something fun or interesting to do."
"You're trying to say something is wrong with me. None of my friends do this.
"We have no idea what your friends are doing just like they won't know if you do this."
"There's no reason for me to do this. Everyone is making things up about me."

And we go in circles.

amother

Watermelon

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 8:50 am

Bribe him?! What wud be something he really wants?!
Pay him every time he goes

amother

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 9:10 am

Interesting idea!! I'm going to think about that!

amother

Tomato

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 9:13 am

This sounds a lot like my kid with pandas, down to the absolute denial, lack of self awareness and inability to take responsibility for their actions. It was part of the presentation for them. Neuropsych and therapy didn't help us much, treating medical causes did.

oneofakind

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 9:24 am

If there is significant sensory issues, psychotherapy will only go so far. If he's willing to do OT, do it ASAP before issues snowball even more.
The therapist might be helpful in advocating for you with the school to educate them as to his needs and get accommodations for him.

amother

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 9:47 am

It was the same conversations when we tried OT. Not sure if I should just force it. Also OT was not so sustainable at $200 per hour for the good ones. But I am open to suggestions!!
Same with PANDAS. I don't think that's it b/c I don't see a lot of other symptoms, but when I looked into going to a PANDAS specialist in my area it was $1,000. And a famous one in Brooklyn (I forgot the name) wouldn't take us b/c we are not regular patients.

amother

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 9:49 am

This is the strange thing - professionals (2 OT, the neurospych evaluator,) seem to be afraid to tell my child why we need to be in therapy. When the meltdown starts they tell me to handle it but whatever I am saying is not working!!

amother

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 9:51 am

Inability to take responsibility is a major issue. Is that really a connection to PANDAS? Any advice on how to take this further?

amother

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 4:44 pm

I am open to any other comments from anyone!

amother

Peony

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 4:48 pm

How is it affecting his life? Can you point to certain things he serious benefit from if he resolves the issues?

amother

Periwinkle

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 4:48 pm

Honestly sounds a lot like ASD to me. Strange the neurophsyc didn't see any diagnosis besides anxiety...

amother

Lily

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 4:49 pm

As an OT with many years of experience, I want to validate how difficult it is to get kids this age on board with therapy. It's really, really tough. As an aside, I'm assuming they ruled out ADHD as well as ASD when they did neuropsych testing?

amother

Starflower

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 4:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

It sounds like he feels like by going he's agreeing there's something off/wrong with him
He feels blamed, like his behavior isn't good and that he isn't good enough and needs to be "fixed"

amother

Starflower

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 4:52 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

Bribe him?! What wud be something he really wants?!
Pay him every time he goes

Please DO NOT!!
This would only further confirm in his head that therapy is something not desirable and therefore you are paying him to do it

mha3484

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 4:56 pm

I feel like a good therapist who sees teens should have advice in how to coax him into coming. My son sees someone young ish and cool. He has a wii, a foozeball table etc to make it feel less threatening. Its more like hanging out while we talk about issues.

My son has been going since he was little so to him its normal but I would try to find someone he perceives as cool and maybe he will be willing to try it out.

Ideally for an 11 year old boy, I would want a man with a young personality not someone they see as like their parents. Like my sons therapist is my age 40 give or take but has a really young personality and comes off as cool and fun while still having a lot of experience. I dont think my son would like seeing someone he perceives as old like a zeidy type and for sure not a female.

Last edited by mha3484 on Tue, Aug 08 2023, 5:00 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Peony

Tue, Aug 08 2023, 4:58 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

Please DO NOT!!
This would only further confirm in his head that therapy is something not desirable and therefore you are paying him to do it

Disagree. Bribing means I'm making it worth your while to do something you don't like to do.

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