Important to know before hosting?

Goody2shoes

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:32 pm

BH, despite my tiny apartment, I'm able to host alot in my semi detached basement. I make sure it's fully equipped with everything a couple could need and by chance have a pack n play in the closet as well.
This week a friend asked me to put up some of her guest that came in for a simcha. I understood that it was a couple without kids, so I set up the room accordingly. Then they arrived with a little baby in tow. Technically, I had the pack n play in the closet and was able to give it to them. Still, it bothered me that I wasn't informed about a baby coming, maybe I would have prepared a crib or something. Or maybe having a baby wouldn't have worked for me.
A question to other frequent hostesses, do you like to be informed about babies coming or are you ok with them just showing up because you could put them up? Is the guest supposed to specify that they're bringing a baby or can they assume the hostess will be fine with it?
To clarify, this was for sleeping only.

Last edited by Goody2shoes on Sun, Aug 13 2023, 12:14 am; edited 2 times in total

Goody2shoes

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:39 pm

Weird right? I thought so too but being that I do keep a pack n play in my guest room, I guess for emergencies like that, it worked out. I'm curious though if it's a given that a guest will find something for their kid to sleep in without notifying the host beforehand

smss

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:43 pm

alwayssmiling wrote:

No of course not! Super strange

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:45 pm

alwayssmiling wrote:

It is not a given. I do not have a pack and play. We had one and it broke. My siblings who have babies know that if they come to me they have to bring a pack and play.
It should never be assumed.

WhatFor

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:48 pm

smss wrote:

The guests had no plan for where their baby would sleep and were counting on you having a pack n play but didn't even tell you there was a baby?

This sounds crazy to me but I think the friend is the person who did the communicating, so op doesn't know what was said. What if the friend told her guests, "don't worry about bringing anything, they have a pack n' play"?

Op, I think you should give feedback to the friend. Just a message along the lines of "Hey, we loved hosting your guests, just for next time, would you please let us know in advance if a baby will be coming? We prefer to have everything all set up for our guests in advance, and to be able to let you know if we can't have a baby for a particular week. Luckily the surprise worked out totally fine this time, but I just wanted to let you know for next time. Thanks!"

And you're absolutely right - this isn't something you should be finding out when the baby is at your door.

amother

Clematis

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 10:54 pm

My baby usually sleeps in my bed, or in the stroller. I have a pack and play but never use it. I would inform a host beforehand just so they have a chance to politely decline if the noise of a baby might bother them but I don't need special accommodations for the baby.

amother

Viola

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 11:47 pm

I host quite often and always ask how many beds are needed beforehand.
I like to set it up myself instead of having the guest rummage through the closet. There's also spare linen for just in case.

a2z

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 11:49 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

Me too all I need for my baby is a bed against the wall

Goody2shoes

Sat, Aug 12 2023, 11:58 pm

amother Viola wrote:

I host quite often and always ask how many beds are needed beforehand.
I like to set it up myself instead of having the guest rummage through the closet. There's also spare linen for just in case.

If it was implied that a couple was coming, I wouldn't ask how many beds. I'd just assume it was 2 like I was told.
The closets in my guest room are empty beside for what they might need. I find that it's best for everyone that way.

lamplighter

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:17 am

I always ask these questions before hand. I also keep the pack n play set up in the corner of the room so technically this wouldn't be an issue (not because I'm so thoughtful but because I'm lazy to put away and set it up again each time.

zaq

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 7:20 am

Of course you should be informed how many guests you will have! A baby is a guest, too, and sometimes the most troublesome kind. They were wrong for not telling you. Rather stupid, too. Was it a very new baby, such that the parents forget to include him in their tally because they think of him as a possession rather than as a person?

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:18 am

I think it's on the guests to inform. Or in this case, your friend.
My parents have an extra room that's given out a lot for shabbos. (Neighbors simchas) Sometimes during the week as well. They do not like hearing the baby cry after a long work day. They say no to visitors with babies during the week. Shabbos they don't care. They would not appreciate surprises. They are after all, cleaning up, preparing linen, coffee, milk etc.

Goody2shoes

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:26 am

zaq wrote:

Not sure how old the baby was, he looked a few months past the newborn stage.
For those who use a stroller, this baby showed up in a doona, he couldn't possibly sleep there all night.
I don't have a problem with hosting babies, I have my own and the room isn't really attached to where I live, still I think it's menshlich to tell the host that you're bringing a kid.

Goody2shoes

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:27 am

WhatFor wrote:

I asked my friend, turns out they forgot to tell her that they're bringing the baby. Oh well, it's another funny guest room story to laugh about.

Cheiny

Sun, Aug 13 2023, 8:28 am

alwayssmiling wrote:

I think as host you should always ask in advance how large a family they are.