Dealing with 1.5 year old tantrums

amother

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 5:25 pm

My 1.5 year old will tell me she is hungry so I offer a few options. She chooses one and then when I give it to her she sometimes throws it on the floor and throws a fit.
I try to talk with her because she is very verbal, but she is still only 1 years old.

I dont want her to become a spoiled child because I didnt know how to handle her as a toddler and allowed her to run the show. But I also dont want to expect too much of her at not even 2 years old

This is my first. I thought id know what to do as I have younger siblings, I ran day camps and babysat but im a little lost here

Please share advice and book recommendations for the toddler stage

amother

Cantaloupe

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 6:53 pm

This is very normal toddler behavior. Being verbal doesn't give her emotional regulation and 1.5 is too young for her to tell you how she's feeling or why she's doing what she's doing.

I wouldn't offer her another food until we clean up together what she threw and then try again, maybe picking her up to grab from the cabinet herself.

For reference, I have a very verbal 18mo as well and my average verbal new 3yo just started talking emotions with me within the last few months.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 7:01 pm

I wouldn't give options for food, honestly. Toddlers go through phases where they can't handle having certain or too many choices; they experience decision fatigue and want you to lead them. And for food in particular, to avoid picky eating it's good to expose your kids to a variety, to what you would eat anyway. Include one thing you expect to be eaten if you are concerned.

And if food gets thrown, the meal can be casually ended and tried again later.

Do you serve meals at regular times or wait for an expression of hunger? Probably best to preempt the hangry if possible.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 7:10 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

You can't spoil a one and a half year old, don't worry about that.

I also wouldn't call it a tantrum at that age.

Why not? It is well recognized in the child development world that tantrums appear around then.

silverlining3

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 7:17 pm

I honestly go nuts when my 18 month old does a full blown tantrum, carefully gets down on the floor, starts crying and kicking. It's the cutest thing imo.

Usually it's because I say no to something so I more less ignore and she gets over it pretty very fast.

amother

Narcissus

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 7:17 pm

If your child is very verbal and it looks like a tantrum you can treat it like a tantrum. Redirect/distract. If that doesn't work, try to reason with her. My kids tend to tantrum when tired or thirsty.

amother

Chestnut

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 7:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

I agree with not offering too many options at this age. Maybe no choices, just offer her a single food.

Respond to the tantrum by using words to name her feelings as you model cleaning up the mess. You're frustrated because Mommy doesn't understand what you want? You thought you wanted this but now you're not sure? It doesn't really matter what you say and she doesn't understand the exact words yet, but she will hear your soothing tone and over time will start to understand.

Hug her, cuddle her, try distractions, and consider she might just be overtired.

scintilla

Mon, Aug 21 2023, 7:49 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

I feel like tantrum implies a negative motive to the child. Maybe I just don't like the word.

I don't see it that way, I think tantrum is pretty much the same as saying dysregulated but maybe it's seen as negative in some places.

Anyways OP, what I've found to work with my intense kids is a) not giving choices rather placing foods in front of them and making sure one of the options is something I know they'll eat, I.e. a cream cheese sandwich and cucumbers when I know they like cucumbers for sure, and b) if they get upset validating the feeling in simple language and saying "when you're ready you can ___" -tell mommy what you want/try the food again/other, depending on how mature & regulated they are. That line usually works because it makes them feel in control.

I also agree to serve food on a schedule, and finally if you can catch them getting upset before the food gets thrown I find it keeps everyone much calmer myself included!! And everything works better.

amother

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:26 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

Meal times she eats whatever we are eating.

I am talking about snacks...I show her and point "do you want a squeezy applesauce? Crackers? Or rice cakes? She says applesauce...so I open and hand it to her and I guess she changes her mind...

amother

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:32 am

Very helpful advice from you all
I tried no choices this morning and so far it seems ti be working
I gave her a sqeeze applesauce and a sandwich and didnt say anything and she is eating the sandwich happily
I will continue to see if it helps later for snack

amother

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:48 am

mushkamothers wrote:

Keep offering food. If a kid is hungry enough to ask for food you've waited too long and they're going to melt down regardless.

I feel like I am always offering!

Im confused though because I thought its good to give toddlers choices....
Like do you want this or that food/shirt/toy

amother

Springgreen

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 5:52 am

amother OP wrote:

I feel like I am always offering!

Im confused though because I thought its good to give toddlers choices....
Like do you want this or that food/shirt/toy

I think it’s a Montessori thing. To give them power and respect. Idk. I’m sure it’s fine not to.
I think ppl go overboard with giving choices TBH. I do it but I probably should do less to avoid meltdowns.

mushkamothers

Tue, Aug 22 2023, 6:04 am

amother OP wrote:

I feel like I am always offering!

Im confused though because I thought its good to give toddlers choices....
Like do you want this or that food/shirt/toy

The reason for this is to give them an element of control. So yes throughout the day they should have some autonomy. Btw having 2 shirts in the drawer is also a choice. Having 2 snacks on the table is also a choice.

And sometimes they need us to be the boss and just tell them what's happening. Like if you were exhausted and your husband just sat you down and put food in front of you instead of doing the whole "well what do YOU want to eat?"