Ever feel regret after giving a baby name

amother

SandyBrown

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:38 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

Amen and thank you. How old do you think a child has to be to appreciate the history of his name ? I had anticipated that probably around the age he is now (13) he would be able to appreciate it. I’m assuming because he was made aware of the history way before his brain was able to comprehend (not than any of us could comprehend) but in his mind at age 4 when he heard it he couldn’t possibly understand, he asked me why bubby didn’t call the police when they tried to take her cousin away and then I had to explain to him that the police were also bad so it was trauma upon trauma that no 4yr old should be exposed to… I don’t know if it will just take longer, if 13 is still too young anyhow, or if he will never make peace with it because he has so much trauma associated with it . He tells me he’s going to legally change his name at 18 I think it really haunts him. I gave tryex telling him that he’s really named after hubby’s grandfather (who the 5yr old cousin was actually named for) but he was exposed to the story and traumatized (no 3yr old in our world today can understand that you can’t call 911 to stop a robber or a killer that’s what gives them security. For a 4yr old to hear no adult or policeman can save a child is too scary ) I think he will always associate his band with trauma now but I hope not… what age do you think he should mature to appreciate it?

I hated my name until I was around 17, 18. He'll be fine

Amazing thing you did, you must have a lot of zechusim!

Tzutzie

Mon, Oct 16 2023, 10:50 pm

amother Anemone wrote:

I think I would do some natural treatments to release the trauma. There are different modalities and in this case I really feel it would help him make peace with his own name.

This!!!
Even so, ask a rav, I'd suggest you def consider adding a name and then shifting over to the new name.

amother

Navy

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 10:28 pm

I wouldn't say that it was a name I don't like/regret, but I ended up naming my first (after 2.5 yrs of TTC) after my father-in-law who was nifter at a very young age (DH is the oldest). I wanted to do a variation of the name to keep it in his memory, but not the exact name because of the trauma involved and I felt that I wanted my son to be his own person, not growing up in the shadow of someone else. I didn't want that every time I called my son, I thought about the fact that I didn't have a normal shana rishona because all of this happened right after I got married.
In the end, we asked a sheila and were told it was better to name him the original name (although it really wasnt easy especially with postpartum hormones making me super emotional). We agreed to call him by his second name as a "compromise" and now 4 months later its all good. Just had a very hard time with it in the moment.

Goody2shoes

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 10:48 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

My DH became Lubavitch a few years after our marriage and it was very difficult for me. I still don't wear a sheitel, despite his badgering. Of course we named our son Menachem Mendel (we also have some other admorim in the family...). I tried to force myself to like the names, but I'm still not 100% at peace with it...

Interesting, I had the opposite experience. We became lubavitch a few years after our wedding and naturally we named our son after the Rebbe. Our extended family has a hard enough time with our changes and I'm so grateful that the name is a popular one in our family, a few of my grandfathers had this name, and didn't cause any more issues then we already have. I love the name and I think it's a huge zechus that I got to use it.

amother

Snowdrop

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 10:49 pm

My son has a gorgeous Hebrew name - stunning- after my grandfather , and somehow my older kids started a nickname when he was a baby that evolved and stuck, that I REALLY can’t stand.
I’m always sad about it but he’s 10 now and no turning back. I feel sad that I didn’t push harder when he was little, like by telling the teachers to call him his real name etc.

amother

Smokey

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 10:55 pm

Only regret I have is the nickname for one child is quite similar to the child right after. Like Chevy and Shevy. Oh well. We're used to it by now but the first one has more options for nicknames and in hindsight we should've chosen a diff one considering we knew that if we have another girl then the second name will be used and there is only one accepted nickname for that.

amother

Yellow

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 11:04 pm

I had to name after my MIL that didn’t like me very much and whose name was quite hideous.

Was so so difficult. I still call baby with the weirdest nicknames. I have no idea how I’ll ever be able to call her properly. We did add a name because she died so young but I know I can’t call her with the added name because it’ll hurt my husbands feelings.

I don’t regret it because I had to do this for my husband but it really hurts

amother

Heather

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:11 am

amother Hyacinth wrote:

He can’t change his name , he was named at his bris and that is forever his name. He can try to change it legally when he’s 18 I suppose but it won’t help much his name will always be what he was named at his bris, every Aliyah he has, every misheberach, on his Kesubah his name can’t be changed it is what it is. Vekara shmo biyosroel and the name was given, there’s no way to take it back, it’s his name.

Please speak to your Rabbi. It is absolutely possible to change your Jewish name. If he is suffering so much from his name, that is something to really discuss and look into.

amother

Eggplant

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:32 am

So I think about this often. BH it’s not something I need to deal with right now as my mother is bH alive and well but I do have lots of anxiety about what to do about naming after her when the time comes. She has a boys name, not like simcha that can be boy or girl, a real boys name. I can’t do that to a girl, but then what’s the solution? She shouldn’t have anyone named after her? It’s a huge problem

amother

Azalea

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 10:11 am

If it helps at all, I have an extremely unusual Hebrew name. Like I’ve met 1 person w the same name my whole life and it’s more common in israel but even there not so much. My middle name as well, super uncommon Hebrew name and I wasn’t given an English name.

I’ve lived most of my life in the US and felt very self conscious/embarrassed as a kid lots of the time regarding my name. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to really love my special unique name, and I feel it’s a real gift.

Funny enough my very mainstream Yiddish speaking kids have expressed how it’s embarrassing that I don’t have a typical name, but a kid has to have a reason to be embarrassed by mom right? Might as well b a good reason lol Wink

amother

Heather

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 11:22 am

amother Eggplant wrote:

Forgive me if I'm off base, but why not just name a boy after her? I know boys named for girls and vice versa. Usually it doesn't make so much sense because the name doesn't fit, but here it would.

amother

Eggplant

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 11:28 am

amother Heather wrote:

Forgive me if I'm off base, but why not just name a boy after her? I know boys named for girls and vice versa. Usually it doesn't make so much sense because the name doesn't fit, but here it would.

And imagine how the boy would feel when people ask who he’s named after, “my grandmother”. Sounds so off and embarrassing. It’s one thing if it was a play on the name, but the same name would be weird I feel

amother

Daffodil

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 11:35 am

amother Eggplant wrote:

CAn you change it into a girls name? or at least a name that has some of the same letters? Not sure it that has any meaning but might make some people feel good.
Yosef- yosefa
moshe-Masha
Yona- yonina
eliyahu/Eliezer..- Elisheva
Dovid-Devorah
chaim- Chaya

etc..

Definitely don't give her a boys name even if it's to name after your mom.
Curious, why on earth does she have a boys name? And how was it for growing up? or even now, when she tells people her name how does it work. Hi My name is Shmuel?

amother

Heather

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 11:39 am

amother Eggplant wrote:

It's more common than you think. My daughter and my sister-in-law are both named for their grandfather. Not the same name obviously. But if you would ask them who their name for they would say the grandfather