Deserving of tzedakah- poor middle class

amother

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 8:53 am

This is a spin off, but the food pantry in my neighborhood started only allowing people to come if their income meets Snap limits which is a joke because when we were on snap we had more than enough food. I have been trying hard to increase our income, and this year we made $5000 over the limit, which was just enough to cut us off food stamps. Then, my projected income for next year is $5000 more than last year which means we will get kicked off Medicaid. With an extra $10,000 a year, that puts my family income at $52,000 with insurance costing …. $12000 plus copays. So now we are not poor , we don’t get benefits, and we don’t qualify for many tzedaka, and now our food that we eat is very limited to whats affordable.
This was in response to people saying that why aren’t people going to organizations. This is why.
The 3 another’s who have bought groceries for us were literally the difference of my kids going hungry.
I am not posting this for people to offer, I am just saying that we are real people hiding behind another, and all the posts discouraging people from giving are hurtful.

amother

Marigold

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 8:58 am

I get $200 a month in food stamps for my family of 7. People on food stamps still need help desperately. Maybe you were on during Covid, when everyone got max benefits. It’s not like that at all now.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 8:58 am

giftedmom wrote:

The posts are saying to be wary of anonymous posters who could be anyone, not discouraging from giving because of income

The problem is , those posts were worse then saying just be wary. I’m pretty sure everyone knows to be wary .

giftedmom

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 9:01 am

amother Marigold wrote:

I’m guessing you’re not getting the full amount? When I was on it was 100$ per child per month and that was years ago

giftedmom

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 9:03 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

The problem is , those posts were worse then saying just be wary. I’m pretty sure everyone knows to be wary .

I wouldn’t be so sure tbh. Some people really are more easily fooled than others. I do think there’s a place for warnings, but yes it should be worded sensitively without snark. Just a PSA to watch out for red flags, not give cash qp or to gofundmes that are unverified etc.

amother

Marigold

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 9:05 am

giftedmom wrote:

I’m guessing you’re not getting the full amount? When I was on it was 100$ per child per month and that was years ago

I’m definitely not getting the full amount. The full amount would be over $1k.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 9:14 am

giftedmom wrote:

Agree. I have no problem with a nicely worded PSA. That’s actually a smart and kind thing to do. But to slyly keep insinuating that posters who offer help are only in it for the ego trip or are naive and dumb …. That’s just unnecessarily nasty to the potential benefactors and recipients .

giftedmom

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 9:22 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Nowhere does it say anything though about who deserves and who doesn’t. No one is asking for income level. We just need to know that the person is who they say they are. So this op really is unfounded and probably her own insecurity talking.

justforfun87

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 9:43 am

I wouldn't consider 52,000 middle class. In fact, I just read in the secular world 57k for a single person is considered a liveable wage. I am sorry you are in this predicament. Would you consider a career change?

amother

Seablue

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 11:13 am

If your kids are going hungry you need to feed them first. That’s a priority. Can you downsize from your apartment?
Can you get tzedaka from your shul rav?
Tomchei Shabbos?

amother

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 1:51 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

Working on it, doing my masters as we speak and hopefully in a year or two our income will increase

amother

Sage

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 2:04 pm

Agree agree agree!!
We are middle class- earn decent but no way do we meet our needs. Everything is on the books and we are not eligible for programs.
In order to be eligible we would have to either work off the books or we wouldn’t be making enough for other expenses. I think it might be easier in that way wi try a bigger family because you’re allowed to earn more.

Now when I was on maternity leave we couldn’t afford food ! Literally way in debt from the 2 months I needed off and the increase expenses we had!

No we can not downsize and no we are not reaching out for charity because we wouldn’t feel comfortable because officially we are ok- not my ego- just wouldn’t take from the people it’s really meant for!

This time was very stressful!
When a friend reached out and offered to cover the expenses of a Bris, it literally heave me a breath! Yes we are that tight! We couldn’t pay the mohel with cc and we DIdNt have cash . Nothing.

And it’s frustrating because I was working full time!

amother

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 2:40 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

If your kids are going hungry you need to feed them first. That’s a priority. Can you downsize from your apartment?
Can you get tzedaka from your shul rav?
Tomchei Shabbos?

We get some, but it only lasts so far. B”h my kids aren’t starving, but they also can’t have food whenever they want it, they learn to make do.
As far as downsizing, we have a pretty small space, don’t have any extra rooms. Iyh in a few years things will be better, I just wanted to explain myself .

amother

Vanilla

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 2:40 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

People who struggle to afford food are not middle class.

That's (I think) the point of this thread.
Things have changed so much. Housing and insurance especially.

I ran the numbers of a young family with 3 kids who make 100k. Husband works ft for 60k, wife works pt (10-2:30) for 40k.
The kids are young and need childcare (and also we avoid the whole 'private school tuition is a luxury conversation ')

Taxes 10k
Rent 24k for a small 2 bedroom apartment
Utilities, phone, Internet 12k
Health insurance 12k
Child Care 24k
Gas, tolls, car payments, renters insurance, medical copays 12k

That leaves 6k a year for diapers, food, formula, clothing and Yom Tov expenses

We also haven't mentioned student loan repayment (if applicable).

amother

Marigold

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 2:44 pm

amother Sage wrote:

No we can not downsize and no we are not reaching out for charity because we wouldn’t feel comfortable because officially we are ok- not my ego- just wouldn’t take from the people it’s really meant for!

If you're in debt then you're not ok.

scruffy

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 2:47 pm

amother Vanilla wrote:

I would adjust your numbers a bit, utilities are very high. My total cost for utilities for a 2 bedroom, phone and internet for the year is about 4k. (Additionally my rent is lower than that, but that is location dependent)

That leaves about 14k for food and miscellaneous expenses. Still tight but not impossible.

amother

Vanilla

Thu, Aug 31 2023, 2:52 pm

scruffy wrote:

I actually balanced it out. Averaged.
Because a lot of people are paying closer to 2500 for rent

But ok. Let's lower by 4k.
That gives 10k.
That's around $800 a month for formula, food, clothing, diapers, cleaning supplies, used furniture.

That's kind of tight.

And throw in 1 child who needs some sort of therapy or some other regular medical copay situation and you're literally choosing between formula and diapers, between bread and antibiotics.