Taking (borrowing) kids money to pay for necessities?

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 12:23 pm

Would you borrow money without asking permission from a teenage child to pay a credit card bill that will otherwise lead to high interest? I don't know whether to call it taking or borrowing because the intention is to pay back but there's no foreseeable plan in the coming months to actually do so.

Also, getting a 15 year old child involved in finances and explaining the need for money seems wrong because they shouldn't be thinking and worrying about finances at the age.

I had this conversation with my friend this morning. She feels they should just go into debt rather than borrow from kids. Her dh feels that debt at high interest is a financial death spiral and must be avoided at all costs. He doesn't feel comfortable taking from the kids. But he feels there's 2 bad choices and taking from kids is less bad. Any opinions?

amother

NeonPink

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 12:24 pm

This is a really hard question. What does their financial story look like?

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 12:24 pm

No! Don’t do it!
Know someone who found out parent did this - found out years later and still feels betrayed
HARD NO

ShishKabob

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 12:24 pm

If you have a solid way to pay it back, why not?

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 12:24 pm

No way. Don't do it. My mother did this to me. She would "borrow" every penny that I ever made. I still have hard feelings towards her because of it.

amother

Viola

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 12:27 pm

I would ask an adult single child who’s working, not a teen.

tichellady

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 12:29 pm

There are things in between you could do but not this

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 12:56 pm

This is only a good idea if you are looking to anger your child. The feeling of injustice of going to a bank account and seeing that it is empty. Why did the child save up instead of spend right away?!? It’s so wrong.
Find a friend/Gemach to lend without interest. And if you can’t because you can’t come up with a payment plan, then you definitely can’t take from your child because you can’t pay back.

amother

Crocus

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:13 pm

I think it depends on the culture of your family. I’ve casually mentioned to my kids that sometimes I use their money but keep track. They don’t care, they get what they need/want. I do it in a way that they don’t worry we don’t have enough. Whenever one of them want to buy themselves a “luxury” with their own money, I don’t even subtract it from their money, I just pay for it. And technically I have the money in savings, but for complicated reasons it makes more sense to use from their account. So if for some reason they needed their money today, I’d be able to give it to them.

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:15 pm

Furthermore op writes while the intention is to pay it back there is no PLAN nor feasible way to do so.
NO

amother

Crocus

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:17 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

Furthermore op writes while the intention is to pay it back there is no PLAN nor feasible way to do so.
NO

If there is a plan or feasible way, do you think it’s ok?

amother

Violet

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:19 pm

My father asked if he can borrow money from me, when I was a teen. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him but I gladly gave him money. He repaid me a couple of weeks later, but I felt uncomfortable taking the money from him.
OP, I wouldn't do it behind your child's back.
I understand that you're in a hard situation, but try to find a different way to come up with the money.

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:20 pm

Also let’s face it this is TAKING
Why the need to obfuscate ? Because it is wrong.
It is not borrowing when there is no way or plan to pay it back.

amother

Crocus

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:20 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

Also let’s face it this is TAKING
Why the need to obfuscate ? Because it is wrong.
It is not borrowing when there is no way or plan to pay it back.

But if there is a feasible plan, don’t you think it’s better for the kids not to know and worry about it?

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:22 pm

Op said she doesn’t want to ask the 15 year old so as “not to worry him regarding finances”

Best to keep a clear boundary
Don’t involve the kids
Let them keep what is theirs
And go to adults peers and professionals who can help you figure out solutions to adult issues

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:25 pm

Don’t do things behind your kids back under the guise of sparing him knowledge of challenges- not when it involves a clear boundary breach of accessing his account and taking his money

This leads to secrets tensions avoidance and major blowups with major repercussions

How will he feel when he goes to deposit or withdraw or check his balance and it it GONE
Then what

Kids and teens all the more so need to be able to trust their parents

amother

Watermelon

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

No way. Our kids (teens and 20s) are wealthier than me due to an inheritance. I would never use their money even if I had access to it which I don’t. That is stealing.

naturalmom5

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:31 pm

If a father gives a child money, both laugh
If a child gives the parents money to help , both cry..

Medrash ???

amother

Dill

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:34 pm

Very controversial here but kids have time when they’re older to have money. If a family is struggling it’s totally not a problem to use the kids money as your own. At the end of the day you buy them toys and clothing and what not?

They have everything they need bh. Money won’t help them now.

As for teens that WORK for their money, let them have it. If you’re tight then you can borrow if you have a payback plan. If they’re old enough to work, they’re old enough to understand that finances aren’t easy always.

ora_43

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:37 pm

Nooooo don't do it. Never take from kids without asking permission.

Hearing that your parents are struggling financially can be scary and stressful for kids. But realizing that your money is gone and your parents are the ones who stole it would be SO MUCH WORSE.

Better a kid who is stressed together with his parents than a kid who loses trust in his parents.

Like others said, often there are options beyond the child and the credit card company. Gemachim, loans from friends or family, another card with a better rate, that kind of thing. But if those are the only two options: the best option is to borrow the teen's money with permission, second best is credit card debt, borrowing without permission is a non-option.

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