FTM Vent | Imamother

ftm1234

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 9:52 pm

I love my baby but have NO PATIENCE to wake up every 2-3 hours at night! She's 2 weeks old and really not fussy but it's still too much. I'm by my mother and everyone helps out a lot but it still feels like so much. How long did it take you after your first one to adjust to having a baby?

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 9:53 pm

A long time. I definitely found it the most overwhelming with my first. It's ok not to love every part of being a mother!

amother

Dill

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 9:57 pm

I was happy to do the night wakings after waiting for awhile to get married and pregnant. Reframe your mindset and focus on the bracha in your life. So many others would love to be waking up numerous times with a baby! And BH you have family help... many women dont

happy chick

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:02 pm

After I had my first and I was very overwhelmed, someone told me "you have to enjoy every stage as it comes." And I thought to myself "gotta be kidding." It takes time to adjust. I would say at least a month. This hard stage will pass and soon you'll be loving it.

Although, waking up for feedings is always hard. Especially if you have to be at work in the morning.

ftm1234

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:02 pm

amother Dill wrote:

I'm grateful to have her. I also waited a while to get pregnant. It doesn't make it easier to get up at night, however grateful I am... And that just makes me feel guilty.

ftm1234

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:03 pm

amother Ultramarine wrote:

A long time. I definitely found it the most overwhelming with my first. It's ok not to love every part of being a mother!

Thanks...

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:05 pm

You get used to it. Also every baby is different. I had kids that literally slept 12 hours from a month old and my 2.5 year old still gets up multiple times a night.
Enjoy every stage and hope that she sleeps through the night at an earlier age.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:05 pm

Well, they've all been different, my current baby is actually very easy in terms of night wakings. Her circadian rhythm seemed worked out from the start. I've hardly ever been up with her for a long chunk. I just wake up once and reach out to take her into my bed and then we both go back to sleep.

My first baby had a bedtime of 1am for a while but I was an SAHM so I slept in with her after her morning feeding. My second baby, I definitely remember walking my room with him for a couple hours on many nights while my husband slept and it was hard. I tried to reframe it positively in some way, I guess.

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:09 pm

ftm1234 wrote:

I'm grateful to have her. I also waited a while to get pregnant. It doesn't make it easier to get up at night, however grateful I am... And that just makes me feel guilty.

Definitely no need to feel guilty! Many women who deal with infertility feel this way, it's not easier just because you waited. Aspects of parenting are really challenging, and it's normal and ok to acknowledge that.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:09 pm

Waking up at night is never easy
I cosleep with my babies and barely wake up to feed them, I hold them in my arm and nurse on my side laying down so I don’t have to completely wake up and sit up

Also, after my first two babies, I got a nurse for the first few weeks. I still nursed at night (she brought them to me) but was much easier

And as with everything- it gets easier!

amother

Melon

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:10 pm

It’s really hard. One of the hardest parts of having a baby, for me at least. I try to sleep when the baby sleeps during the day until I’m back at work

amother

Raspberry

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:13 pm

If you’re not nursing (or even if you are, consider giving one pumped bottle overnight) your husband should do at least one shift. It’ll make a huge difference in your functioning

amother

Rose

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:17 pm

amother Dill wrote:

Due to infertility I was married a number of years before my baby was born and it did NOT make sleep deprivation any easier. If anything it made it worse because I felt so so guilty that I was not enjoying every second of being a mommy.

OP I suggest giving a formula bottle before you go to sleep for the night. I regret not doing that.

amother

Oleander

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:20 pm

amother Dill wrote:

I'm sorry but this is not helpful. I waited 8 years for my first and I was frustrated that she never slept. I knew she was a Bracha and I still couldn't handle the exhaustion. Any new mom is allowed to be overwhelmed from lack of sleep. Your comment was rude and out of place!

ftm1234

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:22 pm

I had to stop nursing after a week because of some medication I'm taking. Since we don't know when I'll come off it I decided not to pump. So she's already on formula only. My mother took her for the nights all week until this night and I'm already complaining 😔...
Thanks everyone for responding. It's nice to hear from others that it wasn't all nice and easy from day 1.

amother

Dill

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:24 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

I dont think I ever said in my post that OP does not have a right to complain. For me personally, reframing my mindset when I was at my wits end helped me when I was up exhausted with my baby crying. I was happy and tried to focus on the bracha since I had waited a long time. I really tried telling myself it was a zechus to be doing this. It helped ME. It doesnt have to be your cup of tea...
Dont think my post was rude or out of place if OP asked us how we adjusted.

amother

Melon

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:24 pm

ftm1234 wrote:

Ha! No. I had such a hard time getting myself back together after my oldest was born. Mazal tov and may you have lots of nachas from your little one, making it all worthwhile

ftm1234

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:25 pm

amother Melon wrote:

Ha! No. I had such a hard time getting myself back together after my oldest was born. Mazal tov and may you have lots of nachas from your little one, making it all worthwhile

Amen! Thank you!

amother

White

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 10:35 pm

I'll be honest, I never got used to the night waking, and I have fewer children than I would have liked because of it. That said, it does get better. I really enjoy everything a lot more once I'm getting decent sleep!