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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:34 am
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No kids to watch at home, I was just not in the mood of going out in this nasty weather (rainy and cold). I davened all the tefillos at home, DH was totally fine with me staying home. Im a good faster. I’m just wondering if I should’ve made more of an effort?
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Chickensoupprof
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:38 am
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meh women don't have a chiyuv anyway
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amother
Jasmine
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:44 am
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I can’t even understand women who go out on YK. Even with fasting pills I just don’t have the physical strength. (Last time I went to shul I fainted and someone gave me honey and water, so from now on I just stay home.)
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amother
OP
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:46 am
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Thanks, these replies make me feel a lot better.
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amother
Milk
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 4:04 am
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No! It’s nice to go if you can but the mitzvah is to fast.
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Golde
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 4:19 am
I admire you for doing all the tefillot at home. I would never have managed.
I go to shul to have a more spiritual experience, to have someone read the tefillot for me as I'm so weak when fasting, to get the feeling of community, and last but not least to manage to fast. I find that so difficult at home, but in shul I somehow get through.
This year I had a short blackout during Neila, but managed to get back on my feet. If I were at home, I think I might have broken the fast.
So my reasons for going are pretty selfish. If you can do all this at home, then good for you, you should just stay where you're most comfortable.
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Raisin
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 4:57 am
| amother Jasmine wrote: | | I can’t even understand women who go out on YK. Even with fasting pills I just don’t have the physical strength. (Last time I went to shul I fainted and someone gave me honey and water, so from now on I just stay home.) |
Lol why do you assume men are better fasters?
Guess what, people are all different. You are not a good faster, others may be.
Also, if I am not fasting well, might be better to be around other people then be all alone at home.
Me, I find it difficult to daven on my own. At home I would just end up reading. After many years of not being able to be in shul much because of kids I am enjoying getting to daven in shul and the beautiful tunes.
If you are otherwise feeling well I would definitely make the effort to get to shul for a little bit. Maybe Kol Nidrei, or shachris if you are not a great faster.
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a2z
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 5:32 am
| amother OP wrote: | | No kids to watch at home, I was just not in the mood of going out in this nasty weather (rainy and cold). I davened all the tefillos at home, DH was totally fine with me staying home. Im a good faster. I’m just wondering if I should’ve made more of an effort? |
As a woman your chiuv is #1 fast #2 daven
Men also have a mitzvah of davening in a minan
For women shul is a nice thing to do. Imho
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groisamomma
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 5:38 am
| Raisin wrote: |
Me, I find it difficult to daven on my own. At home I would just end up reading. After many years of not being able to be in shul much because of kids I am enjoying getting to daven in shul and the beautiful tunes.
If you are otherwise feeling well I would definitely make the effort to get to shul for a little bit. Maybe Kol Nidrei, or shachris if you are not a great faster. |
Agree 👍
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amother
Banana
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 11:17 am
| a2z wrote: | As a woman your chiuv is #1 fast #2 daven
Men also have a mitzvah of davening in a minan
For women shul is a nice thing to do. Imho |
There are 5 things to abstain from on YK. I dont know of any other mitzvos of the day. I dont know if there is a chiyuv to daven (more than any other time). Its a good thing to do. And I dont think there is any "Mitzva" for men to daven in a minyan either, its a chiyuv for them, not a mitzva. but please correct me if I'm wrong!
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smss
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 11:20 am
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You're a woman, you never need to go to shul.
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amother
Glitter
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:02 pm
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Clearly this is all cultural. Where I come from, it's taken for granted that women go to shul unless they're physically incapable or have young children to take care of. And because many mothers of young children want to go anyway, several shuls have babysitting service for at least some of the time.
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amother
Skyblue
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 1:49 pm
| amother Banana wrote: | | There are 5 things to abstain from on YK. I dont know of any other mitzvos of the day. I dont know if there is a chiyuv to daven (more than any other time). Its a good thing to do. And I dont think there is any "Mitzva" for men to daven in a minyan either, its a chiyuv for them, not a mitzva. but please correct me if I'm wrong! |
Can you explain how a chiyuv removes the Mitzvah? Many mitzvos are obligatory.
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amother
Glitter
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 2:28 pm
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IDK. It seems to me that if people who are not observant at all and have plenty of other things to do with their time can make it their business to show up in shul once a year on YK because it means something to them, someone who is religious and has no impediment other than that the weather is inclement and she doesn't "feel like it" could do the same. But you do you. What do I know, maybe you live an hour's walk from shul and going there in heavy rain would put you at risk of catching pneumonia.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 2:33 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | | IDK. It seems to me that if people who are not observant at all and have plenty of other things to do with their time can make it their business to show up in shul once a year on YK because it means something to them, someone who is religious and has no impediment other than that the weather is inclement and she doesn't "feel like it" could do the same. But you do you. What do I know, maybe you live an hour's walk from shul and going there in heavy rain would put you at risk of catching pneumonia. |
The fact that non observant people view women going to the synagogue on YK as being very important doesn’t change the fact that women are not obligated to go to shul on YK halachically. If OP is not inspired by davening in shul enough to want to go, she absolutely can just daven at home. There’s nothing wrong with that. She doesn’t have to be at risk of pneumonia to not go.
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amother
Honey
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:00 pm
| amother Saddlebrown wrote: | | The fact that non observant people view women going to the synagogue on YK as being very important doesn’t change the fact that women are not obligated to go to shul on YK halachically. If OP is not inspired by davening in shul enough to want to go, she absolutely can just daven at home. There’s nothing wrong with that. She doesn’t have to be at risk of pneumonia to not go. |
Even most women who rarely attend shul try to go on the yamim noraim.
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amother
Indigo
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 3:49 pm
| amother Glitter wrote: | | IDK. It seems to me that if people who are not observant at all and have plenty of other things to do with their time can make it their business to show up in shul once a year on YK because it means something to them, someone who is religious and has no impediment other than that the weather is inclement and she doesn't "feel like it" could do the same. But you do you. What do I know, maybe you live an hour's walk from shul and going there in heavy rain would put you at risk of catching pneumonia. |
So much judgment in this post.
Non-observant people go to shul on YK to get in touch with their Judaism. A practicing Jew davka doesn't have to go to shul to be in touch with her Judaism.
Yes, it's nice to daven with the tzibur, but there is no chiyuv for women to do so.
For me personally I like going to shul because hearing the sha"tz and the singing is so uplifting and arouses my emotions, which makes it easier to daven. OTOH, I connect much more deeply to Hashem when I'm davening alone in a room. Plus I'm extremely sensitive to sounds, and the shuffling/sneezing/stage-whispered tefillos/creaking chairs of the women around me is very distracting.
Right now I'm B"H in the little kids stage and I can't go to shul anyway, but when I have an empty nest iy'H, I think I'm going to have to weigh each tefillah of the yamim nora'im seperately. Do I need the boost of hearing the tzibur daven, or do I need the privacy to really connect with Hashem?
And lucky me, I'm a woman, so I can choose as I feel like it.
(My husband had covid on YK 2 years ago, and he stayed home in quarantine, while I went to shul for a few tefillos. He says that YK was his best davening ever. But he doesn't get the choice to stay home now, unless I need his help to keep fasting.)
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amother
Smokey
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 4:05 pm
I think shul for women is for the following reasons:
1. Your tefillos are accepted more when you're part of a tzibbur (they go up with everyone else's zchus also)
2. It's inspiring and meaningful
3. Gives structure to a long day
There is no chiyuv so no reason for guilt:)
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smss
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Tue, Sep 26 2023, 4:06 pm
| smss wrote: | | You're a woman, you never need to go to shul. |
To whoever hugged me, feel free to quote my post and disagree under your own screen name with a valid argument to back yourself up!
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