Would be upset your sister made a big party and you didnt ma

crystal

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 1:59 pm

If you didn't then I'm assuming you thought about it and decided not to, that was probably what you felt was best. Were you confident with that decision at the time? If so why should you doubt yourself now just because someone else did make one?

(I see I'm understanding the situation differently than posters above, maybe I'm wrong)

amother

Cherry

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:11 pm

I'm assuming this is a milestone of some sorts?
I guess if I chose not to make something big I wouldn't feel bad, maybe a bit guilty though. Does the child expect something big? Can you discuss with them?

Last edited by amother on Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:19 pm

crystal wrote:

No you interpreted it correctly. Kinda. I made a birthday party for my 4 year old daughter yesterday. Her cousin who's a few weeks older didn't have a party at all. I felt bad because I really went all out party hats balloons cupcakes junk pizza (she's my oldest after a 6 year wait.)
Her cousin who has 4 older siblings and a baby sister didn't have any more than a party in school.

amother

Kiwi

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:25 pm

amother OP wrote:

That's what their family chooses to do.. I'm sure thenkids know that other people have more elaborate celebrations, but every family does what's right for them. Don't feel bad celebrating the way you want.

amother

Freesia

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:26 pm

No. My sister makes parties that have carving stations and sushi stations and open bars. It’s standard in her community.
We do not. At best a party consists of some cake and soda.
It doesn’t matter. Every family does things differently.

mommyhood

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:28 pm

All of my siblings make big parties for their kids birthdays. We don’t and while my kids find much to be jealous and complain about that’s not something that seems to bother them.

scintilla

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:29 pm

I would not. I enjoy making birthday parties for my kids even when they're too young to care, my siblings don't, they come to what I make (nothing extravagant, supplies from China) and I wish them happy birthday for their kids on the appropriate date and that's it. No one is fussed either way. Did your sister make you feel that she is bothered by it in some way?

amother

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:33 pm

scintilla wrote:

Not really she didn't say anything. Im just feeling guilty that's all...

dena613

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:38 pm

I wouldn't have made the party out of sensitivity to my sister.

I have a sister who makes big shebangs but no siblings live near her so our kids aren't actually going to the parties, just look at pictures.
I know this sister loves themes and parties and decorations, and it doesn't hurt the cousins who don't have big parties, Because it's not in their face.

However, my local sister recently celebrated her child's bar/bas mitzvah and it was more low-key than what I would have done. (I'm low key but this was really really low.) Out of sensitivity to her and her family (especially the cousin my childs age), I toned down the event that family was invited to. Anything else I did special for my child they didn't hear about, and it wasn't in their face.

dena613

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 2:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

Your sister understands that this is huge for you because it's your oldest after a 6 year wait.

Perhaps in the future though, you can tone down the birthday parties to just party hats, pizza, cupcakes (no balloons and junk), and/or once your kids are school age just give out something in school and do the party just for you and your dh and your kids.

zaq

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 3:33 pm

Let me see if I'm understanding. You made your DD a bday party. Your sister did not make one for her DD. Now you're agonizing over-- what? That you shouldn't have made a party b/c sis may feel that you're showing her up? What does your making a party for your DD have to do with what your sister does or doesn't do for hers? Did the two of you make a pact that you would bring up your children exactly the same way and would never do anything without getting the approval of the other? If you did, it's high time you both agreed to rescind it.

Did your sister say anything to you? If not, you're overthinking. If yes, too bad on her, but no one stopped her from making a party if she wanted to. And if the reality is that you're the sister who didn't make the party, grow up. You choose not to make a party, as is your right. Sister chose to make one, as is hers. You don't get to dictate to her how to run her life, and she doesn't have to deprive herself or her child because you chose to deprive yourself.

amother

Silver

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 3:44 pm

I'm the one who doesn't make big birthday parties. Nothing to do with money, it's just too overwhelming for me. I instead will ask the birthday child to pick two friends and we go somewhere special like the aquarium or amusement park or something. My kids are happy enough with how we do birthdays that it doesn't bother them that cousins or friends have the more typical type of child's birthday party and they don't. In fact, with so many people having that type, it gets old fast and they're not all that interested.

amother

Freesia

Fri, Oct 13 2023, 3:45 pm

dena613 wrote:

I don’t think this is the way to raise children but if it works for you 🤷🏻‍♀️

amother

Whitewash

Sat, Oct 14 2023, 1:22 pm

I don't do big parties for my daughter who I waited a long time for. I love her so much, but it isn't what works best for my family. We do other fun things- baking cupcakes together, picking out a balloon, opening presents, etc- but not a big party.
My sister-in-law throws huge parties for her kids. Cake, pizza, junk, the whole family comes. It doesn't make me feel any type of way- and I don't think it does for my kids, either.