Help Guide DD with Social Anxiety

amother

Sat, Oct 14 2023, 10:08 pm

My DD is a highly sensitive child she is smart, talented, loves friends but is what Dr Becky coined a DFK Deeply Feeling Kid.
This plays out in many ways where she thinks and feels things much deeper than the average child her age. It has been a journey and we are working on it.

My question here is specifically regarding social anxiety she has friends, they come over sometimes she will play beautifully at other times she will say no I don't want to play. If it is more than 1 girl then definite no, she was invited to go to the bnos here she refused to go.

Any tips on encouraging her?

To clarify she is not an introvert she wants to play with friends she just has this initial fear to join..

amother

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 10:37 pm

tzippipi wrote:

I love Dr. Becky!
How old is DD? Have you asked her why she sometimes doesn't want to play?
Have you tried role-playing with her to "practice" working through things she's worried about?

I'm taking her workshops and learning alot.

She'll say "chani is mean to me" or "I don't like playing with so many girls" never one reason

Never did role playing not sure how that would work with a 6 yr old? Can you elaborate?

Thanks so much

tzippipi

Thu, Oct 19 2023, 12:19 am

I should say that I haven't faced this with my own (still too little for playdates), but I'm a teacher who has worked with a lot of anxious kids.
Anxious kids like to be prepared -- so role playing is just acting out scenarios so she can feel ready to deal with them. It helps to make it a little silly. Something like this:

Ima: Dina, your friend Dassy is coming over to play tomorrow. I was wondering if we could practice saying hello. What if I pretend to be Dassy?
Dina: Ok.
Ima (as Dassy -- get exaggerated and silly; I'd even go out of the room for a second and come back): Hi Dina! I'm so excited to be here to play today!
Dina: (maybe nothing, maybe giggling -- wait for a bit before you prompt her) Hi, Ima...
Ima: I'm not Ima, I'm Dassy!
Dina: (probably giggling): Hi Dassy!
Ima: What should we play today? (and if Dina gets stuck, that's okay -- remind her that we practice so we can be ready later).

Or it might work better for her to be Dassy and you to be Dina, or maybe that's not the best choice for her. I've seen it help kids relax, though.

But also, does she have any choice about who comes over and when? I wouldn't want to play with someone who is mean to me, either, and big groups can get overwhelming.

What do you say to her after she tells you chani is mean or there are too many girls?