S/O social suicide

Comptroller

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 3:39 pm

amother Electricblue wrote:

The issue wouldn't be the carters - its the teenager who is SURE it will destroy HER social standard if the baby is chas veshalom in carters.

And since teenagers are immature and petty, it may actually be true in some cases. My solution - make sure the stuff is "jewish look"

Like this caters item

Instead of this carters item

Really?

You consider the ugly brown outfit "more jewish" than the pretty green one?

What are the criteria?
Does it have to be ugly?

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 3:59 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

Fine, judge me.

My kids sometimes spill breakfast on themselves thirty seconds before carpool comes. Or ten minutes before carpool comes but they do NOT want to change. My preschooler often wears mismatched clothing because it takes about two minutes for her to choose her own clothing and dress herself and about twenty minutes and lots of frustration from both of us if I try to choose her clothes or dress her. Same with my elementary schooler and nicely brushed hair -- our relationship suffers if I try to make it look nice, so it sometimes looks messy and I shut my mouth.

Oh, and most of our clothing is hand-me-downs. I refuse to spend money, and more importantly, time, buying new clothing when they have clothing that they like and that would go into the garbage otherwise. I don't care if they look cute, or well-dressed. They need to be wearing clothes that fit and are comfortable. And I guess I'll add not clothing that I would be against hashkafically (so I've thrown out clothes that have words I'm not comfortable with across the front, or clothes for a toddler that look like they belong on a boy-crazy teenager).

I have priorities. My children looking "perfect" is not one of them. I prioritize my relationship with them. If that means that the people around me are judging me for it, too bad for them. My house also doesn't look perfect. It's clean enough to be functional and not full of germs, but if you came to visit you might judge me for that too.

My priorities are that I have a strong relationship with my kids, that I am able to stay calm and parent them from a calm place, and that I teach them good middos and hashkafos.

Saying "I don't judge people who wear the wrong brands, only people who don't look put together" seems funny to me. It's okay to judge externals as long as it's not the name on a tag?

I also let my children make choices about what they want to wear and let them pay the social consequences (as long as they aren't too big). In Israel, in the winter, they wear this fleecy und-rshirt under their shirts. It's a white solid shirt, so my DD10 decided it would make the perfect shell.

I told her no, it's not a shell it's an undershirt. Shells are visible. Undershirts are for underneath. But she whined at me that it's the same thing and maybe I grew horns or something.

She comes back from school and her teacher (who she loves) had told her that she can't wear undershirts like they are shirts. She learned her lesson, hopefully.

If I felt like it would be social su1cide, I wouldn't let her, but I felt it would be fine. And it was. She didn't come home crying or anything. The teacher likely said it delicately and privately. And hopefully she also learnt that my opinion is worth a lot and if I am adamant something is "off" she should listen.

amother

Snowflake

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 4:03 pm

Comptroller wrote:

Really?

You consider the ugly brown outfit "more jewish" than the pretty green one?

What are the criteria?
Does it have to be ugly?

I'd probably do the green for weekday and the brown for Shabbos personally. DD5, my winter baby, had this beautiful dark purple velour stretchy I used to love putting on her. It was Gymboree.

zaq

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 4:45 pm

Ha. To me, Carter's IS a brand name. Ask me if I care.

tigerwife

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 8:32 pm

watergirl wrote:

My daughter had her own sense of style from The time she was two years old. So much so that I used to put her tops in one drawer in her bottoms and another drawer, and she would make her own outfits every day, and she looked absolutely wacko. But she was happy and she was available, even though her clothes was completely mismatched.

Today, she has a pretty decent following for fashion on a platform.

Like I said before, one of my kids was dirty all day because he went all in for everything that he does. He’s a totally out of the box guy, that’s just who he is.

I hope you are getting something out of judging me or my kids. I’m not sure what, but enjoy. It doesn’t seem to be a very pleasant way of going through life, but to each their own.

Re the bolded, that makes a lot of sense if she was developing her own sense of style since toddlerhood!

amother

Lemonlime

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 9:30 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

Why can’t kids looking cute also be on that list of priorities? It’s not so hard that it’s mutually exclusive with your other priorities.

I think Carter's IS cute. Even the stuff that isn't "typical frum style."

Ema of 5

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 10:12 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

I never understand people who say they don't judge by clothing. its pure lies...
I wont think LESS of someone who dresses differently. but what you choose to wear and how you dress your kids does say something.
it is a first impression... like it or not.

human beings judge instinctively (its not necessarily a bad thing always) and while you shouldnt assume you know everything about a person just from one look, theres no denying that it does say something about you.

I dont think that dressing in carters or whatever says anything negative abouta child/mom. but if you live in a community where thats not the norm... then dont cry when people may initially look at you funny. thats life.

My first impression of people is based on their language, behavior, and attitude. I don’t give a darn what they’re wearing. If they want to make an assumption about me because my clothes are from Amazon, that’s their prerogative.

amother

Charcoal

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 10:15 pm

Is this thread a joke? Seriously?

amf

Mon, Apr 15 2024, 11:16 pm

Thanks for letting me know about the carter's sale!

On another note, my dd 4 has been choosing her own outfit daily since age 18mo. At that age her favorite was a pair of wide, bright fuchsia corduroy pants from carters, with a sweater that had the same color detail. I got the outfit as a gift from my MIL
It made them both so happy when she wore it-why on earth would I want to deny them that because of a potential random person judging?
The rest of her wardrobe was carters, walmart and target, and yes I'm in lakewood

amother

Vanilla

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 11:22 am

In areas like lakewood, BP, Williamsburg all the kids (that I know) have clothing special for chol hamoed or when your out as a family and the kids wear the better quality, matching clothes so when you go places and see kids wearing their brand name fancy outfits most of the time its just maybe 3 of their outfits like that and the rest is cheaper