Social skills | Imamother

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 12:51 pm

My ds is in primary and this is his second time coming home with a story that sounds like he is getting bullied in school. The first time we spoke to the rebbi and he mostly dismissed our concerns. Now my son told me that a group of boys in his class come over to him by recess and call him names. The other day, he was punished by recess because the rebbi said he started up and it was 10 boys against him. I did notice other times that he doesn’t really know how to play with new people (like he’ll act tough to get attention) and kids don’t necessarily like him. He hates going to school and I could cry for him! I want to help him before he gets older and I’m thinking of sending him to a social worker. Any advice of how to deal with this? Any recommendations for good therapist for young kids?

amother

Midnight

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 12:54 pm

I’d also speak to the rebbe more and see what’s up. I don’t think a kid that age should dread going to school.
Difficult not to get the rebbe defensive though. Is there also a Morah?

mha3484

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 12:57 pm

I had issues like this but my son had a lot of struggles across the board. Therapy helped him a lot. The therapist we used would go to school during recess time and saw where my son was getting in his own way and was able to teach him missing skills. We also used a great program called superflex but my son was in 2nd at that point. Primary may be too young.

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:21 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

I’d also speak to the rebbe more and see what’s up. I don’t think a kid that age should dread going to school.
Difficult not to get the rebbe defensive though. Is there also a Morah?

Yes. Going to call the rebbi again.

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:21 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Do you care to share who the therapist was? Or where do I start for finding one?

amother

Brass

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:26 pm

FYI common misconception: Social workers work on emotions and feelings. To work on social skills you want someone who's specialty is teaching social skills. Either someone in special Ed who does this or a BCBA or experienced behavior therapist.

mha3484

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:27 pm

I don't live in lakewood. I wanted someone who wasn't a clinic therapist because they don't have the flexibility to go down to schools and see the situation for themself.

I networked with friends who had older boys and found someone who primarily sees boys in the yeshiva system where I live. He has relationships with all of the various menahelim and rebbeim and they trust his recommendations. I would look for someone like this. Even posting on here is very helpful.

amother

Ultramarine

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:29 pm

amother Brass wrote:

Or a speech language pathologist. The social thinking curriculum by Michelle Garcia winner is excellent.

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:13 pm

amother Brass wrote:

Thank you!

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:13 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Oh, thanks!

amother

Impatiens

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:16 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I get so triggered when anyone mentions this program. I was forced to use it with a social skills therapist and hated it. I felt like a baby. (I may have been too old for it... I was 11 at the time)

amother

Impatiens

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:18 pm

In general I absolutely hated going to social skills training. I felt like a freak. I guess I'll never know what it would have been like if I hadn't been forced to do it but I don't feel like it helped me that much and I'm totally fine as an adult

mha3484

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:20 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

I get so triggered when anyone mentions this program. I was forced to use it with a social skills therapist and hated it. I felt like a baby. (I may have been too old for it... I was 11 at the time)

I can see that my son was 8-9 and was perfect for him. But 11 is a little mature.

amother

Midnight

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:22 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

What does it mean? My 4 year old can probably use help I’m not sure how to go about it

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:36 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

I get so triggered when anyone mentions this program. I was forced to use it with a social skills therapist and hated it. I felt like a baby. (I may have been too old for it... I was 11 at the time)

What kind of program is it? I’ve never heard it. Therapists use it?

amother

Impatiens

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:37 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

What does it mean? My 4 year old can probably use help I’m not sure how to go about it

If your kid is 4 they shouldn't feel stigmatized.

I had a session every week with a clinician (honestly not sure what her credentials were but I'm sure she had) and we discussed and practiced different social situations and rules.

She used the Superflex thing and also some other programs.

No one gave me a heads up that I was being observed by her in school before we had our first class. I felt so tricked. I was terrified that classmates would find out that I was getting social skills help too. I might have just been too old for the whole thing.

As an adult I got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD (I was also a gifted kid so I guess I was 2E)? Honestly I really needed a lot of help with that and executive function as a kid, I think it's odd that she didn't pick up on that at all AFAIK.

amother

Impatiens

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

What kind of program is it? I’ve never heard it. Therapists use it?

https://www.socialthinking.com.....D_BwE

mha3484

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 2:45 pm

OP from my own experience, my son who had no friends and was so so un happy in his first few years of school is in 7th grade. He has friends, he is a much happier kid and when we made a kiddush for him, his whole class came and we daven earlier then everyone and its a far walk. I cried. Please help your son. He will thank you later.