Refusing therapy | Imamother

amother

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 9:41 pm

My daughter really needs therapy. She has a lot of anxiety, irritability and meltdowns and needs the help. She has tried many therapists and she's just not interested. She recently got a new therapist who I thought would be a great fit and she is refusing to go to sessions.
I don't know how else to help her.
Do I just say forget it, if you're not interested then you don't have to go and good luck in life? I mean I'm not sure what to do here.
Daughter is turning 13.

BrisketBoss

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 10:02 pm

It's hard to help people who don't want help. Does she even think she has a problem? From your post it sounds like all of the worry and help-seeking is coming from your end, and you want her to accept it. But we don't have that kind of control over other people.

Maybe you could find a solution with her after coming to a real understanding of what her perspective is. Or maybe you just have to wait and let her do her own thing. I don't know what tone you are imagining accompanies this "Good luck in life" but I am hoping it is a nice one and not a bitter "After all I've done for you, you won't do what I want (what I feel that you need)."

amother

Ballota

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 10:08 pm

There’s no forcing a 13 year old girl. I was there once, it didn’t work out well for my mother.
Be her therapist - I don’t mean by uncovering every detail and feeling, but by being her safe space, co-regulating with her, and helping her to feel understood. Every therapist of a child or teenager wishes the parent could replace them by optimizing their parenting. Fill yourself up on parenting resources and advice and do what you can with her. Revisit therapy in a couple years. It’s hard to be a growing girl.

Wed, Oct 18 2023, 10:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

Sounds like she's fed up of the whole thing. Especially as a teenager, as refusing therapy is common for teens. You also don't want to force it onto her because you want to A- leave a pleasant taste about therapy for her long term. B- preserve whatever relationship you Do have with her and not get more controlling. C- if you're quiet about it, she might come around and ask for it herself, which then makes it her own decision. This leaves better outcome in the therapeutic relationship and long term feelings about therapy.
For now, maybe you go to therapy to learn some skills that will benefit you and your daughter.