Going from frugal cooking to cooking enough for many...

amother

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 5:05 am

I am a kollel wife and I guess I need some bitachon lessons because I struggle with this issue a lot.

We have always lived from paycheck to paycheck, but never gone into debt - we are not supported, I work full time, DH works a few hours here and there and gets a very small monthly stipend. We have some savings that come off of my salary, we can pay for kids therapies etc. no problem.

But I have a block when it comes to buying and cooking enough.

BH my kids have friends over a lot now, and although it tailed off during covid I want to start having guests again.

We seem to only ever have just enough food, snacks and meals - hardly ever leftovers. I make the exact number of pieces of chicken we need for shabbos.

Did anyone ever get over this and manage to learn to cook 'b'shefa' - how did you do it? Any tips?

I am worried our expenses will increase and we'll lose out elsewhere - on paper we don't have much extra (although we usually have some left at the end of the month)- I know especially for shabbos I should just trust that Hashem will provide, but it is easier said than done...

amother

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 5:28 am

amother Bellflower wrote:

Do you mean cooking for planned guests, or having enough to go around for the unexpected guests that you didn't have time to prepare for?

I suppose it's more that I feel wary of having guests because of the expenses, and also I never cook enough that any other kids in our home in the afternoon can join us properly for the meal. Everything is just very exact and frugal, to a fault. I'm not one of these amazing women who can invite tons of guests or have an open home and always be cooking up a storm, and it's because of finances not anything else.

amother

Electricblue

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 5:46 am

Can you be frugal with the expensive components, and feel free to cook extra of the cheaper parts of the meal?

For example, cook just enough chicken but double the rice, extra stir fry or salad? that way no one goes hungry and you can offer your kids friends to stay for the meal?
People can always eat less chicken if you cut it differently - most people eat more protein than necessary.

when I want to feel more abundance and plenty I will make something like chicken stir fry, or chili with chopped meat and baked beans - and just put more of the vegetables rather than the expensive part.
When I'm serving a meager meal (for example, shabbos leftovers when there aren't quite enough leftovers) I make a big platter of cut up vegetables and fruit
BH no one is hungry at the end, if even they would prefer more of the main dish

amother

Begonia

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 6:22 am

You sound like you have all the middos I am looking for - organized, frugal, supporting Torah

But I do think you can make minor changes to get to where you want.

For Shabbos, I think this is bitachon-related. Everything you buy to honor the Shabbos (within reason) is returned to you. Being moderately frugal to support a kollel lifestyle is beautiful, but frugal to the extreme is not. Cook an extra pound of ground beef plus an extra potato kugel. Is that enough or are we talking more major changes?

As for weekday, nothing like a hearty healthy soup to fill up a crowd of kids. I agree with above poster that proteins are overrated. I'd rather my kids have simple foods but be able to share with others.

I live in Israel, so the foods here are different, but for us, cottage cheese+tomato is supper. Or roasted sweet potatoes + israeli salad. Blended root veggie soup with croutons. Omlette with salad and farfel. Cous cous with stuateed onion. You get the idea...

Another idea - set aside one day a week that you have an extra supper and that is the day the kids know they can invite friends. So the changes won't just be any day.

amother

Hawthorn

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 7:25 am

I cook thinking that with each dish, it is the only thing that people would like. So I make LOTS of each thing for the most part. Especially with the main dishes.
Never prepare one piece of chicken for each person. If even one person takes two - and sometimes pieces are small - it already means that a person gets none. Unless you know that a little kid will absolutely not take any. And you have something else in mind for them that they do like.
ETA But I am lucky and dh always eats leftovers with no complaints. Actually, with glee. Very Happy

amother

Electricblue

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 7:45 am

amother Hawthorn wrote:

OP is trying to be frugal and not spend more than necessary on food.
I don't see how a recommendation to make a lot more chicken is helpful.

My kids will eat more chicken/meat if I offer. it They're also healthy and satisfied with less.

amother

Razzmatazz

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:17 am

You need to find frugal filling foods and offer that first
Soup fit the bill
After soup ppl are less hungry and the protein can be stretched. But if you are just starting with the meal then it won’t be enough

Also we balance it out some days we make morefrugal meals, and some days more expensive- of course Shabbos is Shabbos no matter what.

amother

Lemon

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:22 am

What does leftovers have to do with frugality?

I’m frugal across the board but BH I love cooking extra food! Sometimes it’s intentional (I’ll double recipe and immediately freeze half) sometimes it rolls over to another dinnee later in the week, sometimes it’s only enough for lunch to send to school for some kids. Leftovers are the best!! But I don’t get how anything I wrote is not frugal.

lamplighter

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:40 am

Add a little money to your shabbos budget and add a bit more protein and more sides. A larger cholent. Soup. Challah. Sesame pasta. Chicken lo mein. Potato or lukshen kugels. I think cooking a bit extra of foods that can be eaten leftover is just as frugal as cooking exact. Of course you should have guests if you are up for it. Don't not have guests over a peice of chicken.
I do think this may be a bitachon thing as well. This level of rigidity/frugality. Maybe you can discuss with a rebbitzin.

amother

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:44 am

Thanks all - I think I am going to try davka cooking double of everything except the main protein during the week - that's a great idea and something concrete I can just follow. And then for shabbos I will try doubling the protein too. I know my children would pretty much eat whatever I gave them in terms of protein - they love their protein, but I also dislike telling them not to eat more because there won't be enough (e.g. I have five small children - I made four cans of tuna into tuna patties, with breadcrumbs and egg added, they all went in a few minutes without enough left for the adults).

amother

Peach

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 8:56 am

amother OP wrote:

You need to start them off with veggies or soup before the main. They sound hungry.

amother

White

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:10 am

amother Begonia wrote:

You’re saying sweet potatoes and salad is supper. And cottage cheese with tomatoes is supper. But isn’t that because in Israel, you’re serving shnitzel and potatoes (or similar), for lunch?

amother

Razzmatazz

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:15 am

Add more fillers to the tuna patties
A grated carrot, or grind any leftover veggie that might go to waste
You can do the same for meatballs and meatloaf
Eggs are economical again, if anyone is hungry I make eggs.

Growing up 2 x a week dinner was rice and beans or lentils, with a fried egg or 2 on top and some sliced cucumber as a veg.

amother

Outerspace

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:20 am

I think its a great idea to start with one day a week where you can feel comfortable inviting kids to stay over. Starches are generally cheaper and then for that meal, you can plan something like meatballs and spaghetti and just make another box of pasta which isn't too much more pricewise. And serve more pasta and less meat when you plate it.

When my kids were younger and had friends over, I did a lot of pancakes or eggs and toast. I never felt like I had to serve kids a full meal of soup, salad, main, starch, and veggies if they were just hanging out at our house. I figured they'll probably eat more happily from their own mother's food when they get home. In my experience, a lot of kids didn't want to eat unfamiliar food so they would just gravitate towards the starches. And I cut up fruit or veggies.

My kids are mostly teenagers now and I try to cook exactly what's needed and try not to have leftovers. To be honest, I don't like them and neither do my kids. My DH is usually good about it. So I dont think its all bad to make just enough pieces of chicken.

If they bring friends at this point, they'll usually call to let me know and then I can adjust the menu and make more food.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Oct 29 2023, 9:43 am

amother OP wrote:

They sound hungry. Do you offer snacks throughout the day?