WWYD my 5yo started bullying 3yo

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 8:19 pm

Im at a lost point. My 5 year old started bullying my 3 year old non stop. She started pri 1 A this year which night be a change but not such a hard one imo. I spoke to her teacher who said that shes doing great and not bullying anyone. I tried a bunch of times talking to my daughter but it didn't sound like anything is bothering her. She has a daily half hour private times just with me. I cant see what else I can do, I dont think its anything medical related because shes bullying only her sister

amother

Cyan

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 8:30 pm

Jumping on the bandwagon. My 5yo bullies my 2yo non stop Rolling Eyes

hodeez

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 8:34 pm

Same. Guess it's more normal than I thought

amother

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 8:43 pm

No its not normal by me. Bullying from time to to time might be normal but by daughter its non stop, can be a couple of times a minute and it all started very sudden about two months bio

amother

Brickred

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 8:45 pm

Same. It's so hard.
Following

amother

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 10:00 pm

Bumping

amother

Taupe

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 10:29 pm

My 7 year old does it to his 4 year old sister. He told me he doesn’t like her. I feel SO bad for her. I think he sees her as a bother. He also is quieter and shyer at school and although I don’t think he gets bullied at school- his teachers say he isn’t bullied- I do think he feels somewhat less-than since he isn’t in the cool kid crowd and probably has heard a few not nice comments here and there made toward him. So I think he comes home with all of this energy and a bit of anger and feels the need to vent it out and sees his bothersome little sister as the perfect victim.

#BestBubby

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 10:44 pm

Wow, modern parents are so afraid to punish their children, they allow their younger children to get bullied.

Then modern therapists will tell the victims to cut off parents for enabling abuse.

amother

Taupe

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 10:47 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Wow, modern parents are so afraid to punish their children, they allow their younger children to get bullied.

Then modern therapists will tell the victims to cut off parents for enabling abuse.

Oh please. So we should give the bullier a big beating yeah? Take them out back and use a switch on them?

#BestBubby

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 10:50 pm

Is a beating the only punishment that exists?

Start by sending the bully to her room if she can't stop tormenting her sibling.

amother

Taupe

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 10:53 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Is a beating the only punishment that exists?

Start by sending the bully to her room if she can't stop tormenting her sibling.

So with consequences like that he will stop for a short time and then goes back at if.

#BestBubby

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 10:55 pm

Then send to room for a longer time.

If you are consistent, and make the time out long enough, it will work.

amother

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 10:56 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Wow, modern parents are so afraid to punish their children, they allow their younger children to get bullied.

Then modern therapists will tell the victims to cut off parents for enabling abuse.

this is so rude from you. Why dont you ask before stating? I do scream and also hitting but it doesn't help. She keeps telling me that she likes her sister and doesn't want to make her sad but then shes still bullying. Obviously there is something underneath. PS. I would expect a bubby to know more then making assumptions...

amother

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 10:58 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Then send to room for a longer time.

If you are consistent, and make the time out long enough, it will work.

I did all that and even more. All those punishments are knocking my child down while she continues to bother her sister

#BestBubby

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 11:02 pm

Hire a babysitter to play with either the older child or the younger one separately.

amother

Petunia

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 11:02 pm

Your first responsibility is to the younger sibling.

Send one of them out to clubs and afterschool programs to keep the mood happy and apart from each other.

amother

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 11:06 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Hire a babysitter to play with either the older child or the younger one separately.

thanks, sorry for not being nice

#BestBubby

Sat, Nov 11 2023, 11:08 pm

Thank you.

WhatFor

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 12:07 am

amother OP wrote:

Please don't scream or hit her. Maybe try reading "The Explosive Child." It's sweet that she acknowledges what she's doing and says she doesn't want to make her sister sad. That book might help you get to the root of what's happening and work with her to stop.

Meanwhile, is there a pattern around when this happens? Meaning, is this usually coming home from school, or is this every day, every minute, like even Shabbat, Sunday morning? Is there something often happening in the house when this happens? Are you or the 3yo doing something when this happens? (Either something specific, or does she often do this in moments when you're not paying attention to her?)

#BestBubby

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 12:14 am

My DD says most fighting is when kids transition from school to home.

They are tired and hungry.

They are bored and don't know how to entertain themselves.

After they eat and drink and mother gets them started on activities, the fighting stops.

If you can take kids outside, it helps.

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