Travelling for simchas and leaving children behind.

amother

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 5:27 pm

My husband comes from a large family. His siblings are all starting to marry off children. I really don’t feel it’s necessary for both of us to partake in every simcha. I would rather he goes and I stay with the children. My husband thinks it’s a good idea but my mil just doesn’t understand why I cant also come and leave the kids by friends. My children hate it when I go away. What would you do?

Ema of 5

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 5:45 pm

“My children need me to be home right now. Iyh maybe next time will work for me to go.” If she doesn’t understand that your children come first then there’s not much anyone here can help you with.

amother

Stoneblue

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 5:52 pm

I'd make an effort to attend simchas whenever possible, depending on how long the travel time is & for how long we'd be away from the kids.

amother

DarkRed

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 6:06 pm

We don't. Tough on my MIL who's the same way.
My children come first at this stage in our lives

amother

Maple

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 6:11 pm

My kids love going to grandparents or aunts and uncles for Shabbos, they beg dh and I to go away so they can go without us. If those options were available the Shabbos I needed I would go away without them once or twice a year. If I was farming them out to random friends I wouldn’t go as readily. Maybe if I had teens and up but I’m not sending younger kdos to friends for Shabbos it’s just not comfortable for them.

amother

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:27 pm

I don’t have any family where I live so the only option is sending them to friends. My younger children don’t mind but my older ones hate it and I really understand them.

amother

Arcticblue

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:31 pm

Depends what kind of simcha it is. You mean for the actual wedding his sibling makes?

amother

Natural

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:31 pm

What are we talking about here? The actual simcha? The Sheva brachos? The aufruf/shabbos sheva brachos? All?
You don't attend even the wedding?

amother

Lemonlime

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:32 pm

Are you talking about weddings?
How far is it to travel, and how long do you need to be gone?

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:37 pm

I'm with you OP, my older kids hated being left at friends, and I rarely did it. They need you just as much if not more as they get older, it isn't always comfortable at other peoples' homes. Plus to be honest we can't always afford going to every niece/nephew wedding.

amother

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:39 pm

I’m talking about my husband’s siblings are starting to marry off their own children. I obviously went to all my husbands siblings weddings. This is about nieces and nephews.

amother

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:42 pm

My husband is one of the younger ones in his family. I haven’t yet started marrying off children but I would so understand those that cannot come from abroad.

amother

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:43 pm

amother Arcticblue wrote:

How far is it?

A plane ride away

amother

Natural

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

My husband is one of the younger ones in his family. I haven’t yet started marrying off children but I would so understand those that cannot come from abroad.

Ok yeah there's a very big difference between driving a couple hours and flying abroad. Most of my relatives will not fly in for a sibling's kid's wedding, neither the husband nor the wife.

amother

Maple

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

A plane ride away

That’s a totally different category. I would send dh and even that would be a challenge to stay home alone with everyone if these simchos are happening regularly.

amother

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:55 pm

Thanks for all your understanding. Makes me feel better!

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 7:59 pm

DH and I both have siblings who live abroad and we have missed some of their kids weddings - even times where neither of us could go. That's life.

amother

Outerspace

Tue, Nov 14 2023, 9:29 pm

I really try to go when possible, but sometimes it’s not possible.
I do think you should sometime make an effort.