Help - reducing night feeds

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 6:04 pm

Is it traumatic to a baby to cry for milk at night while we're reducing night feeds, while holding them? I feel terrible. We are giving them water, soothing them with words and sounds, rocking and cuddling. The baby is 10 months old and on 3 full meals a day and breastfeeding during the day regularly too, and we are keeping one feed in the middle of the night so they don't get hungry just incase. At the moment they are feeding every two hours and we need to reduce this for reasons I am not mentioning on this thread but we are following trusted advice. I can't bear the crying even though we are holding them. Is this bad? Does anyone have any other ideas? Thank you

amother

Chestnut

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 6:21 pm

I think there's something wrong with just letting a baby cry. But if you're holding them (ideally imo should be the father because he doesn't smell like milk...) or staying with the baby I think it's okay.

Another option is to cut down the feed. And the feed before they're totally full, to slowly break the sleep association of feeling very full in order to fall asleep.

Eta at that age a baby waking up every 2 hours to nurse is waking up out of habit, and is used to sleeping with a full belly. There's nothing wrong with them learning to sleep when not totally full but not super hungry either.

There will be a protest stage, because baby isn't happy and that's the way they communicate. But for real, it's better for baby to get good solid sleep (and have well rested parents!).

You'll get through this!

amother

Narcissus

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 6:47 pm

What would happen if you did nothing? Would baby ever stop on his own?
Asking because my own 7 month old still wakes up every 2 hours at night and I thought more solid would help but I see for you it didn't

amother

Chicory

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:01 pm

amother Narcissus wrote:

My 2 year old still has a bottle or two at night. Wean them while you can. (For medical reasons we weren’t allowed to night wean her till she was 2, and it was too late then)

amother

Sienna

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:05 pm

What sort of trusted advice? Don’t do this it’s cruel to a baby. They smell you and it’s normal and natural for you to nurse them. It’s so traumatic for the baby. They are under a year. Many babies wake up and nurse often at night, it’s so normal.Don’t do this, You will regret it.

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:12 pm

Your 10 month old has a bottle every 2 hours at night??? That’s more than my newborns!!it’s doubtful they’re hungry if they’re eating as much as you say. Try offering water overnight and they may decide it’s not worth waking up for

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:19 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Yes, it’s very traumatic for the baby. 10 months is a baby still. Just feed your baby. You will regret this one day. Please don’t do that.

Why is it traumatic to help a baby learn to sleep at night? The baby isn't hungry it just needs to learn good sleep habits. Maybe she will regret not teaching her baby good sleep habits. A baby doesn't need to be fed every time it cries.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:20 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

Nursing is very different then bottle feeding.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:22 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

It’s traumatic. Breastmilk digests in an hour and half. Baby is very possibly hungry. 10 months old is still a baby and breastmilk is the main source of nutrition even with solids. They smell their mother and it’s teasing them. Just nurse for a few minutes. Much easier and it’s something you won’t regret.

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:36 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

If the baby is eating solids there is no reason to wake up frequently in the night for food. Who said it's easier to feed them? Maybe op can't fall back asleep. Idk I sleep trained my kids and bh they are happy and well adjusted and don't seem to have residual trauma frok it. My mom sleep trained all my siblings and we all turned out fine. This whole new phenomena of sleep training being traumatic is really puzzling. It's not as if the kids seem any happier and well adjusted...if anything we are raising kids who are way less resilient than previous generations.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:44 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

Sleep training with crying causes trauma whether you realize it or not. My parents say the same thing your saying.
It causes trauma and it’s cruel.

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:49 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Sleep training with crying causes trauma whether you realize it or not. My parents say the same thing your saying.
It causes trauma and it’s cruel.

That is your opinion.

Just wondering...was your childhood perfect aside from the fact that your parents sleep trained you and therefore you can pinpoint where your trauma came from?

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:52 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

This ain’t an opinion. There is research on this.

I'd be interested to see full research...randomized control studies over a long period of time with a control group. Not just anecdotal studies.

amother

Chestnut

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 7:57 pm

So I need to ask.

If your baby wants to go outside but it's raining, do you go out anyway so he won't cry?

If you need to change your baby's diaper and he doesn't like it, do you leave him in a dirty diaper so he shouldn't cry?

If he wants to play with the soaps in the cabinet and cries that you put a child lock on the doors, do you let him play with the soaps?

If he wants to climb on the kitchen table do you let, even though there's a real risk that he'll fall, do you let so that he shouldn't cry?

(All actual reasons my baby cried in the past few days)

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 8:02 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

Wondering the same. If crying causes trauma, why is it limited to sleep training? What about toilet training? Or any other skill you try to teach your child that may cause them to cry or be a little uncomfortable or upset? Do you give your child everything they want so they shouldn't cry as this can cause trauma? At what point do you decide that crying doesn't cause trauma and they can cry...or is this lifelong that you always give your child everything they want out of fear they may suffer from trauma?

amother

Jade

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 8:27 pm

This is how I trained all my kids, at some point between the ages of one and two. They were definitely getting enough food and milk throughout the day and were waking at night to nurse for other reasons, not hunger. Valid reasons, perhaps, but it was not something I could manage at a certain point, so my husband would go in to rock them and offer water. It was difficult but necessary. Until we did it they had been waking up every 2-3 hours at night since birth, and I was not functioning.