Recovered Depression and Sem -Don't Bother?

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling -> Seminary Info

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amother

OP ↓

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 11:28 pm

If my daughter has been successfully been treated for low grade depression and is on a mild anti-depressant should I not bother trying to apply for seminary in Israel? She really really wants to go and has been in therapy and been told she is a good candidate for seminary in Israel by her therapist. However, the application specifically asks about mental health and also the reference forms do, what are her chances?

amother

Pearl

Mon, Dec 04 2023, 11:31 pm

So I don't think you automatically shouldn't apply, but you should be really honest with yourselves and your daughter if you think it will be best for her.
Beung in seminary is very stressful and can make mild depression much worse.
If she does decide to go please make sure she is seing a therapist in EY.

amother

Valerian

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 12:37 am

I would be shocked and saddened if that is a reason that seminaries wouldn't want her. If you think she is in a healthy place to experience a year away from home and with lots of changes and new experiences (which honestly can sometimes be a great thing!) then I would think that someone disclosing that they had the strength and courage to face their struggles and get the help they needed, and family that supported that, is in a much healthier place than so many that ignore their issues! Mental health challenges help a person grow and if she is treated and doing well, I'm sure she's learned a lot of helpful coping skills that will do her well in the future, and she may have a better understanding of herself and her emotions and what she may need to be healthy. So many in sem discover new mental health issues they never dealt with before so she is at an advantage of knowing what to look out for. Having a therapist set up possibly in advance, or options to call if needed, can be a very good idea.

I am in my thirties so not sending any child to sem yet and it's been a long time since I went- but I went through a very hard depression in high school, took medicine, was in therapy in 11th and 12th grade- by 12th grade I was doing much better, I got accepted into "top" schools, went to Israel after a heartfelt and triumphant "graduation" from my therapist, and did great. I did have a few struggles here and there where some old unhealthy coping patterns cropped up, and it helped I had a teacher from HS I was close with and kept in touch with, and she hooked me up with a therapy clinic low cost for English speakers through the Neve Institute- don't know if it's still there but the point is I had support if I needed it and I wouldn't have given up on those amazing 2 years in Israel just because I had a mental illness that was treated in high school.

imaima

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 12:41 am

It would be crazy if a child were excluded from a sem for having had a depression.
Who doesn’t have depression nowadays? It is so common. Adolescence is hard, depression is hard and then being excluded is another blow

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 12:45 am

the question is, if we are honest on the applications will that make the seminaries automatically reject her, since why should they take her over "healthier" or seemingly healthier non issue girls?

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 12:54 am

As a therapist in Israel who works with a lot of sem girls, there are definitely sems that will take students who have suffered with depression. Are there some that might not accept her because of this? Probably. But there are others that will. Perhaps research which sems would be the most accepting and best supportive environment for your daughter and choose to apply to those sems.
Please be honest with the sem about your daughter's history. In my experience, the transition to sem can be difficult, or other things can come up over the year and if the sem doesn't know your daughter's history it can really interfere in them getting her help.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 5:44 am

amother OP wrote:

the question is, if we are honest on the applications will that make the seminaries automatically reject her, since why should they take her over "healthier" or seemingly healthier non issue girls?

It doesnt work that way.
I worked in a sem and of I tell you that so many girls that came to the sem I worked at, were taking medication for a few different things, you probsbly would not believe me. But its true.
Please be truthful. Because if G-d forbid something happens to your child while in sem, the sem needs to know all histories.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 6:12 am

You should try. As other posters have mentioned, look into seminaries that would accept her. Or apply to a few extra ones as backup. I would have an Anglo therapist she can go to or use, and make sure she has enough meds and money for extra food. If she has family in Israel that can support her, it would be a plus. I don’t own a home yet, but my dream is to be there for students in seminary/yeshiva when it comes to help/resources and hosting.
I struggled with depression as well in seminary and believe that it is a good time for self introspection and growth, especially if her therapist also agrees. Good luck!

amother

Hyacinth

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 6:47 am

As a secretary in a seminary I can assure you that seminaries take in girls with mental health concerns, perhaps even more serious than what you are describing with your daughter. At least the one I work in does Smile

amother

Yarrow ↓

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:45 am

My niece was hospitalized in 12th grade, and she still went to seminary the next year - and did very well. (with a plan in place, psychiatrist, therapist, etc....)

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:59 am

Don't lie!! You also need to put this on her medical insurance application and they will charge you more. Just apply to the sems she wants to go to and IY"H she'll get in. Every sem has girls that have struggled with anxiety and depression and more.

simcha12plus

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 10:04 am

The seminary will want to know if she is under the care of a therapist, and they may stipulate that she continue care while she is there.

Phoebe31

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 11:12 am

Let her go, find her a therapist in Israel and keep her in touch with a psychiatrist as well, many are available via zoom

amother

Ruby ↓

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 5:23 pm

I went to seminary after serious depression (to the point of suicidal ideation) in highschool. I was recovered before I went. Seminary was a great year for me and was so healing in so many ways. Being in a new environment helped give me a fresh start as well. Adjustment at first was very difficult, but after just a few weeks I was hooked and had one of the best years of my life.

Definitely be honest in the applications, include a letter from her therapist if you feel it is appropriate (just keep it brief and straightforward - 'student so and so was under my care for depression and has completed treatment and no longer suffers from depression. In my professional opinion, she would be a good fit for learning in a seminary'. and maybe add a brief professional recommendation such as 'student should continue taking medication xyz at dose x,y times per day, and should be in contact with a therapist in Israel which has been arranged in advance' (again only if these things are warranted)).

If a seminary doesn't feel equipped to deal with a girl with a background of mental health issues, you don't want your dd there, she will do much better in an environment where they feel like they can handle it and give her what she needs for a successful year in seminary.

I wish you that Hashem should send you clarity and the right place for your daughter next year and in years to come.

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 10:33 pm

My DD has a similar profile. We were fully transparent on the application.
Our seminary advisor told us that yes, there are some seminaries that may reject her outright, but there are plenty who won't.

Remind me to come back and update in March. :-)

essie14

Wed, Dec 06 2023, 1:35 am

My friend is a psychologist in Israel and sees plenty of American seminary girls.

amother

Ecru

Wed, Dec 06 2023, 1:49 am

Some sems are more accepting of this than others. My dd went to sem with depression and OCD recently treated and still being worked on in her SEM yr. sem was good at supporting her and made allowances etc.
I wouldn't get too specific on the form . DEFINITELY write "some struggles being managed with meds and therapy and happy to discuss further on the phone"
Then once she's interviewed and had a place you elaborate.
We did this 3 years ago for our dd.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Dec 06 2023, 7:42 am

Thank you all for weighing in. She is so dejected about her situation and keeps saying that the school is going to say she did not have a positive attitude in high school on the reference forms so why bother.
I told her that she should think positively and Hashem will place her in the very best place for her. She really feels she needs to not be home next year to be able to figure herself out.

amother

Tanzanite ↓

Wed, Dec 06 2023, 8:08 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

But was all that infor on their original applications? I agree with OPs concern. Of course I think the seminary should know the girls history especially if they’re currently on medication, but I’m not sure I think it should go on the application. It should not matter to whether the girl is accepted or not and therefore not relevant information to give over during the application process. Once she’s accepted she can tell them her history

amother

↑ Yarrow ↓

Wed, Dec 06 2023, 8:27 am

amother OP wrote:

Hold on, does she feel ready to go to EY for seminary, or is it you pushing it? Makes a big difference.

I'm actually a mother who didn't send her DD to EY for seminary (was more about her not feeling it was the right choice for her Hashkafically, but she also wasn't ready to take care of herself then like she is now). It was the year of COVID, and in the end I'm so glad she didn't go.
She attended a local seminary, and we also sent her on an Israel trip - she loved both.

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