How crazy is it to name after someone for money

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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names

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amother

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 8:48 am

We are iyh having a baby boy, and really don't have any particular name picked out.
There are no grandparents or anything that we must name for.

We were probably going to just name after a gadol who's name we liked.

We were offered a substantial sum of money (in the $10-15K range) if we named after a relative that died without any children. I knew him vaguely, he was a nice man I guess, but was a bit eccentric and had a difficult life.
(My husband would only consider it if we added a name, but we would call baby by the relative's name.)

I am so torn. the money would definitely be helpful, but its so weird to me to be "selling" my baby's name for money.
I don't want to be thinking about this man (and the money) every time I call my baby his name for the rest of my life.
The whole thing is just strange.

My husaband said I sound like Gitty from shtisel lol and there is no reason not to go for it.
Help.

peace2

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 8:50 am

1. Do you like the name and would consider using it outside of this offer?
2. If he had a difficult life you should probably ask a rav. I know some people don't name after someone who had difficulties because of mazal

amother

Peru

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 8:52 am

Money goes fast. The name lasts to 120. Do you even like the name?

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 8:53 am

I'd do it as long as:

1. DH and I somewhat liked the name.

2. There was no one else like a very beloved Grandparent that we really wanted to name after instead.

Cheiny

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 8:56 am

amother OP wrote:

Just my humble opinion but I wouldn’t want to do it. First, we were told by a Rov that the name you call the baby by (even if you add a name) has an effect on the child, and the person the child is named after does have an effect on them as well, so I’d never want to name after someone who had negative traits.

We wanted to name after a relative who was very unhappy and had some other issues, and the Rov said not to call the child by her name.

I think you answered your question yourself. You say you don’t want to think of that man every time you speak to or refer to your child. I also would feel like taking money for the child’s name would make me feel negatively and it cheapens them. But again that’s just me.

amother

Petunia

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:00 am

I think it depends on if it's a name you would have considered anyway, regardless of the money.

amother

Purple

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:00 am

I totally get the ick factor. But its also so beautiful to me. Someone who had no children and now you might choose to honor him and give your child his name. Its so loving, so giving, so kind that it makes me emotional. You must be really special people that you were approached and asked to do such a beautiful and loving thing. I think that to me, the money is just a small token. What you are doing is eternal. The money is just a very small gesture. Its really not a transaction of money. Its really a transaction of love and kindness if this man is someone you would like your child to be named for. I think you can ask yourself, if someone asked you to consider naming after this person, without money, would you ever use the name?

Just for reference, my mother had a cousin who was not frum and lived in Israel after WW2 and never had children. He was always very kind to her when she visited him. My brother is named after him (with a name added) and he is a very very special young man.

Cheiny

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:04 am

amother Purple wrote:

I do see it as a transaction. If the true idea is to honestly do the chessed for the man who had no children, then you wouldn’t take payment for it. Let’s face it, if you wouldn’t do it without getting paid for it, then it is in fact a transaction.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:27 am

SO many people name for money. If you don't mind the name, do it! It is NOT "selling" your baby's name.

I know so many people whose grandparents offered a large sum to anyone who would name after their relative without a name. They did it happily.

It's not wrong to do, especially after a relative of yours.

Don't overthink it.

Cheiny

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:32 am

amother Maroon wrote:

If you wouldn’t otherwise do it unless the money was offered, then it most certainly is selling the name.

amother

Carnation

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:33 am

If you’re able to do it gladly and see it as a mitzvah then do it. The money is just a bonus. Naming after this person means a lot to the family and will make them happy. Do it with this in mind.
If you aren’t feeling it, that’s a sign that you should not do it. I’m sure the family will find others who can do it with joy.

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:34 am

Is the name a nice name? I think the shtisel name was Zelig? And then Gitty grew to like the name?

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:43 am

Would you consider the money to be for you or for the baby?

DH was gifted $1500 in the early 70’s in a similar situation. His parents never touched the money- it was his.

Cheiny

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:44 am

amother NeonPurple wrote:

Is the name a nice name? I think the shtisel name was Zelig? And then Gitty grew to like the name?

I guess Shtisel should be a good example of proof that it’s okay… LOL

giftedmom

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:47 am

I recently asked a relative why one particular grandfather has almost no one named after him in the family, and she told me he was a drunk with bad mazel. Now come to think of it one relative that is named after him does have bad mazel and a hard life. So that freaked me out. I do think a name has a power. I’ve seen it time and again. Also it matters what the child is actually called.

amother

Daisy

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:48 am

It’s a kindness to name after someone. I think it’s nice of the people to offer money in his zchus. You’re doing a Chesed.

amother

cornflower

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 9:49 am

how would you feel about the name once the money is gone (which would probably be in less than 2 months!)

amother

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 10:11 am

Thanks everyone.

I am ok with the name, its a regular neutral name that I maybe would have considered anyways.

My husband is of the opinion that the only way that a name has "power" and connect the baby to the neshama of the niftar etc, is if you name the exact name of the person, without adding or removing names.
Otherwise, its a zikaron to the person, but doesn't have that same power.

We would save the money for a big purchase, like a new car or redoing a part of the house.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 10:47 am

I don’t see it as any different than couples naming after someone their parents had wanted because they were sponsoring the bris or kiddush etc.

It’s only transactional if that’s how you view it. I agree with the above poster who said there is another view point here, which is you are doing something very special and wonderful to this family who has no one to name after this relative. The money is like an extra token of gratitude and appreciation, I would not look at it as you “selling” the name rights.

If you still feel uncomfortable, I would personally put the money into high yield savings and allow it to be a small nest egg for your child when they grow up. I wouldn’t use it for myself, I’d allow it to be like an “inheritance” from this person.

Goldengoose

Tue, Dec 05 2023, 10:50 am

it's not crazy. if you like the name anyway and have nothing else in mind that you may regret not giving, then why not?
the person will get zchusim, you'll make the payer happy, you'll get a nice name for your child and a financial bonus. I see no harm.

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