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-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Sat, Dec 16 2023, 11:44 pm
My three year old is generally a happy and easygoing kid, she's never stressed or worried, she's taking life very easy...
But then she can have those major meltdowns. She'll have it when I say no, when someone bothered her, or just when things are not going the way she wanted.
And those meltdowns are huge... It can happen at home or in public. She'll throw herself on the floor, shoes and headband off, will scream, kick and throw everything that's in her way. She's totally loosing herself. When it happens in a store all the people around will get kicked and she'll throw everything off the Shelf around her.
But she's not doing it out of anger, rather out of frustration, upsettness or not knowing how to deal with her emotions.
does anyone have any ideas of what I can do? Is this something that needs professional help?
She's a great kid otherwise. She has tons of friends and her teachers love her (me too)
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SingALong
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Sat, Dec 16 2023, 11:54 pm
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Sounds just like my 3 year old….does it to me more than anyone…Morah says she’s a different person at school, never has tantrums, is easy happy, etc.
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amother
Cappuccino
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Sat, Dec 16 2023, 11:59 pm
My son was like this too! He is four now. I actually went to a psychologist to speak about it. I gave her some examples and she told me that it sounds like he has big emotions and he just doesn't understand them yet, because he's very young and feeling things deeply. He then didn't know what to do with what he was feeling and would just blow his top.
With the examples I gave her, she helped me understand how he might be feeling. Maybe your daughter is similar? Eg she wants a chocolate bar, you say no. She's disppointed but because she doesn't know how to express that, she just explodes.
The psychologist practiced with me addressing his emotions and validating them so he understood himself and his feelings better. For example, "No sweetie, we can't have a chocolate bar right now. Sometimes we see things that are so yummy and we really want them, right? It's really hard when we can't have something sometimes. You must be feeling disappointed right?" It's not giving in to them but it is helping them understand how they feel and giving their emotions a name.
My son is a highly emotional, caring and sensitive child - is your daughter this way too? BH he has now mostly grown out of it, except when he is tired or hungry (or when I am not in a patient mood!) but it definitely took work.
BezH I am hopeful that his highly sensitive nature will help himbe a loving husband and father one day!
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amother
Maize
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 12:03 am
Children sometimes feel very helpless and simply don't know how to express their feelings.
After all they are kids and need to obay. However we are here to teach them how to grow up emotionally healthy adults. Kids understanding much more than we realize. (Speaking as a teacher for many years).
The best way to handle it is to put yourself in her shoes for a moment, if you would asked your husband for something and he immediately says NO to that request without listing or understanding why it's important to you, how would you feel?
This gives you a better understanding of how your 3 year old may feel when she gets a NO.
Something we need to say no without explanation, however, sometimes its good to explain and discuss it and hear from her perspective. If she feels understood at her level, she will take the no much more easily.
When she asks in public, instead of saying no immediately sometimes you may just be able to say let's discuss it at home and if we decide, we can return to get it another day.
Once she is calm at home discuss it, maybe she will have moved on from that issue. Your daughter will learn the importance of communicating and feel validation and self worth.
Wishing you lots of hatzlacha and nachas
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amother
Daisy
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 12:09 am
My kids is similar but I think she has emotional deregulation. She’s my first kid who takes so much out of me at this age. Who I have to watch in all situations to make sure she won’t hit the kids around her if they take take her toy or start throwing piles of clean laundry because I told her no nosh now .  her Morah says she’s great.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 12:22 am
| amother Maize wrote: | Children sometimes feel very helpless and simply don't know how to express their feelings.
After all they are kids and need to obay. However we are here to teach them how to grow up emotionally healthy adults. Kids understanding much more than we realize. (Speaking as a teacher for many years).
The best way to handle it is to put yourself in her shoes for a moment, if you would asked your husband for something and he immediately says NO to that request without listing or understanding why it's important to you, how would you feel?
This gives you a better understanding of how your 3 year old may feel when she gets a NO.
Something we need to say no without explanation, however, sometimes its good to explain and discuss it and hear from her perspective. If she feels understood at her level, she will take the no much more easily.
When she asks in public, instead of saying no immediately sometimes you may just be able to say let's discuss it at home and if we decide, we can return to get it another day.
Once she is calm at home discuss it, maybe she will have moved on from that issue. Your daughter will learn the importance of communicating and feel validation and self worth.
Wishing you lots of hatzlacha and nachas |
hearing a no is only one reason for her to loose herself, and I don't even have to say the no, I can just say wait a min till I finish the call. But excepting a no is a small part of the picture.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 12:26 am
| amother Cappuccino wrote: | My son was like this too! He is four now. I actually went to a psychologist to speak about it. I gave her some examples and she told me that it sounds like he has big emotions and he just doesn't understand them yet, because he's very young and feeling things deeply. He then didn't know what to do with what he was feeling and would just blow his top.
With the examples I gave her, she helped me understand how he might be feeling. Maybe your daughter is similar? Eg she wants a chocolate bar, you say no. She's disppointed but because she doesn't know how to express that, she just explodes.
The psychologist practiced with me addressing his emotions and validating them so he understood himself and his feelings better. For example, "No sweetie, we can't have a chocolate bar right now. Sometimes we see things that are so yummy and we really want them, right? It's really hard when we can't have something sometimes. You must be feeling disappointed right?" It's not giving in to them but it is helping them understand how they feel and giving their emotions a name.
My son is a highly emotional, caring and sensitive child - is your daughter this way too? BH he has now mostly grown out of it, except when he is tired or hungry (or when I am not in a patient mood!) but it definitely took work.
BezH I am hopeful that his highly sensitive nature will help himbe a loving husband and father one day! |
yes she's exploding... Her emotions are pouring out. She's actually not that deep thinker and HSP type. I have a different kid that's that
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amother
Cappuccino
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 1:51 am
| amother OP wrote: | | yes she's exploding... Her emotions are pouring out. She's actually not that deep thinker and HSP type. I have a different kid that's that |
He's not a deep thinker either. He's a deep feeler! In fact maybe not being a deep thinker is part of it, she can't think about how she's feeling.
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amother
Honeysuckle
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 3:52 am
It may be typical 3 year old behavior, or it may be an overactive nervous system that goes into fight-flight really easily. You might want to look into reflex integration, craniosacral therapy, homeopathy to help her nervous system regulate.
Diet and sleep can make a huge, huge difference too. Is she eating a lot of sugar, msg, processed snacks, dairy? Is she getting sufficient, good quality sleep? Does she breathe from her nose? Thumb sucker? Can you add some magnesium drops to her water?
History of strep or ear infections? Recent tick bites you know of?
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amother
Mauve
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 5:40 am
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I was a knowledgeable and pretty good parent, like I knew how to handle a tantrum and deal with saying no, when my just turned 4 year old started throwing these epic fits. Too intense too long and too often. It took me 8 months to realize it wasn't my parenting or a stage and there was something wrong physiologically (in my case pandas). Try to dig deeper and find the root of the behavior.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 12:22 pm
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When is it still under normal ranges and when is the time for concern? When she is having those episodes I'm literally feeling like im dealing with an autistic kid, she's out of this world, no one to talk to... But on the other game she's so cute and full of life.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 12:26 pm
| amother Honeysuckle wrote: | It may be typical 3 year old behavior, or it may be an overactive nervous system that goes into fight-flight really easily. You might want to look into reflex integration, craniosacral therapy, homeopathy to help her nervous system regulate.
Diet and sleep can make a huge, huge difference too. Is she eating a lot of sugar, msg, processed snacks, dairy? Is she getting sufficient, good quality sleep? Does she breathe from her nose? Thumb sucker? Can you add some magnesium drops to her water?
History of strep or ear infections? Recent tick bites you know of? |
no strep and barely had ear infections, sleeping good, but she's craving sugar and carbs. Whenever ill try to limit it she'll have another meltdown. I try talking to her beforehand and explaining things but when she's in that mode there's no one home
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amother
Honeysuckle
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 1:02 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | no strep and barely had ear infections, sleeping good, but she's craving sugar and carbs. Whenever ill try to limit it she'll have another meltdown. I try talking to her beforehand and explaining things but when she's in that mode there's no one home | Sugar and carb cravings could possibly indicate yeast and or parasites, those could cause behavioral issues as well. I would try treating for that, ndf happy and ndf tummy from bioray are good, gentle choice to start with.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:29 pm
| amother Honeysuckle wrote: | | Sugar and carb cravings could possibly indicate yeast and or parasites, those could cause behavioral issues as well. I would try treating for that, ndf happy and ndf tummy from bioray are good, gentle choice to start with. |
Thanks, what are they meant for? Does it have or need an hechsher?
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