My 13 yr old dd wants to put nailpolish on her feet

amother

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:02 pm

I need advice what to do . My 13 yr. Old dd wants nailpolish on her toes , it really bothers me since I never did this ,I never had a want for this ... I know that some of you might think its crazy, like big deal, and noone sees it anyway... Btw my daughter goes to a chasidisha school . The question is should I let her cuz if not shell allways want it and maybe even one day put it on without perrmission or I should stand strong with my old school ways and say a big no. note that I had many talks with her about the whole idea , in terms of the ruchniyus and gashmius sides and she still wants it so advice please.

[OP is verified- Yael]

happyone

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:04 pm

We're chassidish and I always did that with my daughters. It was fantastic mommy and me time and really noone knows what's under their pantyhose. It's not against halacha and if she wants to express herself in a hidden way , I found it okay.

lucky14

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:05 pm

Like personally I say to be the fun mom and let her do it since it’s something she really wants and an “easy” way to say yes to something totally different that she may not expect you to say yes to but since no one will see it it doesn’t matter so much. But I don’t know how things are in your community….

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:08 pm

I'm chassidish and I have no problem with my girls playing around with make-up & nail polish from when they're very young. The only thing wouldn't
allow is going out with painted nails on the hand, but it hasn't been an issue so far.

amother

Pewter

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:08 pm

I would do it on a Thursday night and remove on Sunday night, or do over a vacation or summer. In case you’re worried about her showing friends etc Dont deny it . It’s not a Halacha and if you say no she ll want it more.

essie14

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Your daughter is not you. She won't have the same wants, needs, hobbies.
She may not feel the same about things as you do.
You need to let her be an individual.
She's not going to do everything you did.

amother

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 12:59 pm

Thanks alot for your answers ! Its giving me clarity and a oppurtunitty to see it in a different light ...thumbs up to imamothers your the best!

amother

Opal

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 1:03 pm

I'm not chassidish but yeshivish.
This is not the hill I would choose to die on. You gotta pick your battles.
If you say no, she will just be resentful and angry and want it even more, and probably find a way to do it on her own.
If you let her, she will feel that you understand and care about her. And once she does it once or twice she may get it out of her system and not want to do it much anymore

seeker

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 1:03 pm

I'm not chasidish but I strongly advise to just let it go. There are enough rules for kids that matter more and I know quite a few people who struggled with feeling more restricted than they could handle. Toes that are anyway covered up would be a good outlet for her to "scratch the itch" , and being allowed to do it will take away a lot of the enticement of the forbidden fruit.

I'm not chasidish but my girls go to bais yaakov schools where hand nail polish is not allowed. I let them do their toes because I have enough battles to stand up for and don't want to waste my credit on this which no one will see. Their most yeshivish friends seem to do the same.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 1:43 pm

not chasidish, but

I am so not into nail polish (My kids' school does not let. I let during covid as nobody was seeing it anyway. They got it out of their system and don't really ask for it anymore), but if she wants on her toes, in which nobody will see...I feel like it's the least of the "rebellious" behaviors and so not a big deal.

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 2:07 pm

I paint my fingernails, but only clear or very pale, and I have no taiva to do otherwise. But I really like to paint my toenails with real color. No one sees but my husband. I can't see any reason why not to. It's fun, you feel nice, and no one else has to see.

zaq

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 2:58 pm

I would totally say ok.
1. Nobody sees it, what's the harm?
2. It's removable, unlike a tattoo or body piercing.
3. You have to choose your battles. Be inflexible on this and she'll rebel by doing something you REALLY won't like.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 2:59 pm

She can get polish and do it at home, otherwise there’s jk nails (closer to airmont, Asian) or spa plus.

Heads up that it’s around 25/30$ for a pedicure…

amother

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 3:52 pm

Tyh' , for giving me the seichel to ask here at imamother, I didnt know what to do ... Neither was I going to ask my close friends... So again thx for the smart advice!!!

amother

Holly

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:04 pm

I'm going to echo what the other posters said: let her put nail polish on her toes.
I once heard a speech by someone in chinuch with years of experience and she made a very big point when it comes to these things. The more you say no,the bigger the taivah of doing it will be. Forbidden waters are sweet. You would rather she do things while under your roof as opposed to when she's an adult and then will go all out. Obviously, use your seichel on what you would allow or not allow. Happens to be, this speaker used nail polish as an example. Your daughter saw it on people and liked it and now wants to try it for herself. Let her. No matter the color, it's on her toes. She needs to have that let out. If you'll say no now, it will be on the back burner and when she's able to go for herself, not only will it be on her toes but her hands too. Let her give in to this want now.

Welcome to teenagehood!

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Dec 19 2023, 4:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thx! Does anyone know a good place to go for teens in the monsey area?

I'd get her polish and let her do it herself.