Dd getting engaged. Need advice

amother

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 8:37 pm

I’m an OOT’er that moved to Lakewood a couple years ago. Our dd is dating a great boy and it looks like she might be getting engaged soon. Dh and I are trying to figure out how much this is going to cost. We’re on a tight budget. Can you tell me (for regular not fancy Lakewood yeshivish type families):

How much is normal to pay the shadchan?
How much to spend on chosson’s watch?
What other gifts we’re expected to give the chosson?
How much are sheitels currently?
How much for kallah classes?
Who pays for invitations?
Who pays for furniture and housewares? How much will it cost?
If using a takana hall, what things aren’t included, and who covers them?

Thanks!

UQT

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 8:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

Shaddchin is usually $1500.
The watch varies. Call Lakewood watches he does this all the time and can tell you the range.
Sheitels can be cheaper in a place like Sarys $1200 plus or more like $2500 for a more expensive brand like Kiki.
Contact Tiferes Devorah Lkallah or Chasdei chashi for help with housewares, furniture or sheitels.
You will pay for invites. He’ll pay for his own stamps.
You pay for furniture - bedroom set, dinette and couch. Assume $6-8k. Definitely ask for help if needed. They can help get the price down. You cover housewares. She should get gifts at the vort. Exchange them for store credit.
There is a Kallah side fee for tokana hall and a chosson side fee. You’re paying for hall and food, he’s paying for flowers, music and photography.

Hope this helps, Hatzlacha

amother

Jetblack

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 8:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

$1,000 to shadchan
Call tiferes devora lkallah they help with sheital and housewares.
Chosson watch tenten has for 1,000
Chosson also gets tallis and bag and kittel. And becher and set of shas
If engaged over Chanuka then a menorah
Invitations each side pays for theirs
Chasdei chashi kallah helps with furniture
Hatzlacha

UQT

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 8:49 pm

If you’re not from here maybe you don’t know - if a Mazel tov seems about to happen start calling halls and get open dates. You can pencil in dates and then commit once they get engaged or they may call you that someone else wants it and you may have to forfeit. This can save you up to two weeks off an engagement which can get lengthily at times.
Also book a Kallah teacher asap. Some take reservations even while dating and you can cancel if it doesn’t work out.

mig100

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 8:50 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

Are there any qualifications for tiferes devorah. How does it work

No advice op. Mazol tov. Engagement can be a stressful time. Hope eveeything goes smoothly and easily

yshmitty

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 8:51 pm

There’s also Yad Batya and Simchas Meir. There’s also a lot of Gemachs especially in Lakewood.. take advantage of them! Also someone of the ‘cheaper’ people who do hair and makeup are just as amazing as the most expensive ones. They’re usually just newer in the field but many of them can be really good! I just did a lot of research and can give you names if you want.. and look in Shaintels for sheitals. It’s wigs from Ali but I know people have had really good experiences with those wigs and they’re usually under $1k

amother

Opal

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 8:51 pm

UQT wrote:

You wish! Sarys are 2k plus

amother

Blue

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 8:56 pm

Just putting this out there-
We didn't get married with a bedroom or dinette set because I had no clue what I liked and also had no space to fit a huge set in my little apartment
Instead we got headboards from Churchill, a dresser + mirror + nightstand from raymore and Flanigan, and a table from wayfair. I got chairs from somewhere else and hate them, so happy they weren't expensive because now I can replace them with something nice and I know what I like, and I don't feel bad about wasted $$$

When we move out if our apt we'll probably make the current bedroom 'set' into a kids room and get a nice master set. We bought with that as the plan so it's a gender neutral, pareve kind of set

All in all it was waaaay less then the 8k posted above
Table was 800, chairs were 120x8
Headboards were 250, and the furniture was I think 2500?
Oh and we got a couch at Churchill too, I think it was 900 or so

Reg lakewood bmg couple

UQT

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 9:01 pm

Our takana wedding in the cheder was 12500. Maybe it was $750 Kallah classes. You also need to pay for vort and shabbos Sheva brochos. And gowns for everyone. The expenses keep piling up. I would say $65k if you don’t get any help at all. The organizations can save you 10s of thousands of dollars.

amother

Azalea

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 9:23 pm

Hi! I got married 2 years ago and here’s the prices I remember:

Shaitels: $2200 each (standard color, a few inches past the shoulder, lace front). I paid for my fall myself.

Gifts for chassan: watch: $1500, tallis set:$1000, menorah: I think about a $1000 Becher: $1000.

Kallah classes: $1500
Shadchan: $1500

Lchaim + vort: both were in the house. I don’t how much was spent but the general was 3 pans of chicken, 3 large seigelmans/kayx cakes, about 4 dozen miniatures, salads , got centerpieces and lucite trays from a gemach

Kallah gown: $2500

Other gowns: $1500 each
Makeup and hair: came out to about 4k for both

Furniture set: $10k definitely reach out to chasdei chashie lkallah. They can either subsidize or give a couch and dinette set at cost price

Housewares: got a lot from tiferes devorah lkallah for cost price. Got shabbos dishes by trading in vort gifts. Got bosch and other things from Costco or on sale.

Stocking the apartment with food: $1000 (not everyone pays for this)

Only got 1 or 2 shabbos outfits because I had a lot from dating. Spent a nice amount on lingerie, tights weekday clothes etc.

Takana for girl side: about $18000 I think but definitely varies based on halls

There were definitely some things that my parents splurged on. You could get beautiful gowns from gemachs and use more regular priced makeup and hair.

UQT

Sat, Dec 23 2023, 9:36 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

Just curious how it works - you can spend $4k on hair and makeup and get from TDL?