Dd getting engaged. Need advice

amother

Melon

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 9:18 am

amother Ruby wrote:

Just putting out there, if you aren't an enormous crowd but just a big crowd, bais Faiga is the cheapest option.

If you are on a budget, esp if you are taking tzedaka from organizations, you should look into making a wedding there. I've been to a couple recent & they are very bakovodig (except that the entrance hall isn't fancy). Plus, imo, I find the basic menu much tastier than the cheder Halls.
Smorgasbord & dessert look exactly the same.

Also, on the gown topic, they were recently collecting money for a family member that was making a wedding and we gave $7,500 and the only way my husband agreed was because he knew that they got all gowns from a Gemach, used a hall w/I budget etc.
He was not giving tzedaka to someone when 20% was going to the kallahs dress for 5 hours.
Ps the kallah looked STUNNING as did every sibling. And I don't want to hear, well this kallah really needs...if you can find that $, pay for the rest yourself.

Agree. BF hall has by far the tastiest schnitzel in town the main course. The more expensive halls don’t even come close!

amother

Snowdrop

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 9:28 am

Why can't people choose what they want to spend on?

My parents made my shabbos sheva brachos in a hotel, but I wore a gemach gown (the gemach lets everyone take regardless of financial status) and got cheap/ hand me down furniture.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 9:41 am

Another perspective. My daughter (typical size small) got a wedding gown from a Gemach. We are OOT and she went to Brooklyn to get ready. The gown was $250, the alterations were $350, don’t remember if there was also a cleaning fee and then she had to take Ubers (no trains bec the gemachs are only open at nights when subways and buses for a young girl are not the safest) for the alterations appointment and then for the pick up and return.
After making a cheshbon of what the gown actually cost, it was close to $800+. Meanwhile, she could have rented a gown from somewhere closer, alterations included, for $1000.
Bezh, when my next daughter gets married, she is a heavy girl with a more complicated figure, I will absolutely go FIRST to the places that have alterations INCLUDED in their pricing.
And yes, we are a family that will DEFINITELY need help from the community to make the wedding. And if I have to justify my choice, I will.
Even for myself, I am a very small person (under 5 feet) and I could not find a dress in a Gemach or rental that would allow me to do enough alterations to make the dress work.
If I am not allowed to cut the dress, I
Carrying around lbs of extra fabric under the dress. It’s not so practical…
Just sharing another perspective.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 9:43 am

amother Snowdrop wrote:

If you are asking for tzedaka money than you shouldn't be spending money on fancy stuff. A Gemach gown is different than hachnosas kallah tzedakah.

amother

Snowdrop

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 9:44 am

amother cornflower wrote:

If you are asking for tzedaka money than you shouldn't be spending money on fancy stuff. A Gemach gown is different than hachnosas kallah tzedakah.

Of course I wouldn't take tzedakah money

amother

Steelblue

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 9:45 am

amother Oldlace wrote:

Im in my young 30s, and my husband learned in kolel for the first bunch of years. I supported by working full time and we made it work by being extreeeemely frugal.
This thread is nauseating me.
If this is how the yeshivish in town world is setting expectations for young couples then there is something seriously wrong.
It's so gross.

this

funkyfrummom

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 9:47 am

UQT wrote:

If the girl is 20 she worked for one year and is sitting on maybe 45k that you hope she’ll save for a down payment one day.

That is truly amazing to me.
I'm happy if it's indeed possible for a 19 year old single girl to make/save 45k in one year. We should all have such mazel with finances!! It's wonderful to imagine starting married life with that type of nest egg/possibility of a down payment, and the sense of security it must provide a young couple.

I can't imagine it applies to every family in Lakewood, but for those that it does that is truly wonderful. Hooray

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:25 am

UQT wrote:

Girls are getting paid $25-28/hour in Lakewood in starting positions. If they work 40 hours a week for one year they will have that kind of money. Do the math.

Obviously they need to be putting it all away - and many girls do.

25 an hour is starting salary in lkwd these days x 36.5 which is realistically the hours they are working each week, till 1 on Fridays in the winter and till 2 in the summer x 52 weeks in a year = 47,450 - taxes which is over 20% for single leaves u with 35k to save if ur parents pay for everything…

amother

Melon

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:34 am

UQT wrote:

My daughter makes that range and pays for only minimal contribution toward car insurance, gifts for friends and a few other expenses. We pay for all her regular expenses. She puts away pretty much everything else. After taxes she is putting away under 30k a year.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:41 am

funkyfrummom wrote:

I was going to say the same. My daughter had around $30k saved up by the time she was 20-21 and that was definitely on the high side from all her friends.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 11:35 am

amother Oldlace wrote:

Same! I'm also in my low 30's and dh BH learned in kollel for 7 years . We absolutely did not get married like this.

My parents bought him shas, tallis, watch and I think cheap cufflinks (no silver items)
I got bracelet, ring and pearl necklace (no earrings), machzorim, tehillim and candlesticks

Furniture -we got beds and dinette set from hachnasas kallah (I am not from lakewood but a diff large in town yeshivish community) and some kitchen items. The rest of the kitchen stuff I got slowly from amazing savings as I needed things after I got married. No one stocked our apartment. We did it ourselves during sheva brachos.

The rest of our furniture(bedroom set, bookcase etc) we got free from people giving away. No it wasn't the nicest, but it was fine.

DH used his savings to buy a cheap 1998 car
My kallah gown was from a gemach for $150
Hair and makeup was less than $100 per person (and yes even 10 years ago many people were charging more than that but I worked hard to find the cheapest ones)

Chayalle

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:04 pm

amother Ruby wrote:

When I priced it out, BF, Ateres Riva, and Fountain Ballroom takanah package were all the same price range for the Kallah's side.

We made our wedding in the hall that had the first date available that worked for us.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:06 pm

Chayalle wrote:

My family member who got married this month said it was a couple thousand difference.

Maybe for some ppl, 2-3000 isn't a lot.

Chayalle

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:26 pm

amother Ruby wrote:

My family member who got married this month said it was a couple thousand difference.

Maybe for some ppl, 2-3000 isn't a lot.

I'll spell out the numbers I was told in July:

BF said $14,500 but does not include photography and music. The Kallah's fee is $12500 and the
Chosson's side is 2K plus photography and music.

Aterest Riva was $12500 for Kallah's side and so was Fountain Ballroom.

Those sound like the same numbers to me. I think the Chosson's side can save in BF if they get cheaper photography/music. Or, if they split the wedding 50/50, might save on both sides.

amother

Cyan

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 2:42 pm

I recently got married not in US so it's not so relevant to the OP but I'm just amazed that the numbers are so much better across the ocean!
We paid the equivalant of just over 50k.
Wedding was in a takana hall (split 50/50), gown was from a gmach, no furniture.
Sheitals were 3k each (I got 2). We had some flights to pay (married siblings living abroad).
Gifts were shas, tallis package, becher, menorah, watch and some extra seforim.
My parents also paid a few weeks rent until we went to EY (total 1500).
We were careful with the purchases, I didn't get all the clothing items I originally wanted because some were too expensive.
We didn't take any tzedaka money bh.

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 7:50 am

amother Navyblue wrote:

Not to hijack but Can I just say my oldest is a girl in high school and these prices are terrifying me lol. I didnt get half of this stuff when I got married Sad

My oldest is not even in primary and same..

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 8:09 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

You have plenty of time to save… put away $100 a month in mutual funds investment and watch it grow

How much will that be in 20 years? I have done that. Didnt grow that much. And with prices and interest now we may pull it out for downpaymet

I doubt anywhere near enough

amother

NeonYellow

Mon, Dec 25 2023, 8:11 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

How much will that be in 20 years? I have done that. Didnt grow that much. And with prices and interest now we may pull it out for downpaymet

I doubt anywhere near enough

$57,000!

If it grows at 8% which is a conservative estimate