Pidyon haben | Imamother

amother

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 5:44 am

From your experience, are aunts (great aunts to the baby) from both sides invited? Or only the side that hosts?
In other words, if the paternal grandparents pay for the event, do they invite the aunts from both sides or only their side?

amother

Camellia

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 7:28 am

Even if one side is paying, you invite the same relatives from both sides. Immediate family- the baby’s parents, grandparents and great-grandparents are invited. Siblings of those people- aunts, uncles and great aunts and uncles, are next in line. I’ve never heard of someone paying and only inviting their own side but the thought of it makes me see the wisdom of parents making their own baby’s simcha. If someone’s volunteering to take care of the cost they need to behave like a mentsh.

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:32 am

I invited my grandparents siblings that live close by and my own aunts and uncles and first cousins
But when I sent out the invites I wrote PM with with the amount of ppl (so I know how much to prep for)

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:33 am

amother Camellia wrote:

My cousin made one only for her husbands side. I assumed she had a c section and only when I was making my pidyan haben did she mention hers which I thought was weird

amother

SandyBrown

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:37 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

My cousin made one only for her husbands side. I assume she had a c section and only when I was making my pidyan haben did she mention hers

Isn't this weird?

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:40 am

amother SandyBrown wrote:

Isn't this weird?

That’s exactly what I told my mother
I even told my mother she probably made a fake pidyan (looked like it was in her in-laws house) cuz otherwise she’d let us know even if she didn’t want to invite her cousins but to let her parents siblings know

amother

Molasses

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:52 am

I can't wrap my head around the concept of making a simcha and inviting only one side of the family. Isn't the child descended equally from both sides of the family? (Even if conceived through AID.)

Make a fake pidyon? Why would anyone do that? To hide the fact that she had a previous baby out of wedlock and gave him up for adoption? Wouldn't it be easier just to say she had a previous miscarriage? Unless the baby was born nine or ten months after the wedding, in which case it would be obvious that a prior miscarriage was impossible. But how would anyone even get an ehrlicher kohen to agree to such a sacrilege? There are brachot levatalah involved.

zaq

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 10:55 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

My cousin made one only for her husbands side. I assume she had a c section and only when I was making my pidyan haben did she mention hers

So a c-section baby doesn't get a pidyon. Why would they make a fake one? To hide the fact that she had a c-section? Is that something to be ashamed of? And if they were already making a fake one --without getting into the issue of major halachic problems that such a travesty would involve--why would they invite only one side of the family? Because the other side is intelligent and would sniff out that something's not kosher in the whole business?

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 11:43 am

amother Molasses wrote:

Baby was born more about 15 months after the wedding closer.

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 11:45 am

zaq wrote:

Exactly no shame in c sections

And her kid is over 2 now no other kid yet

amother

Quince

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 11:46 am

amother Lightyellow wrote:

Please, did we really run out of simchas to celebrate and parties to attend that we need to make a fake pidyan?
How would it work anyway? What would the kohen do there? Wouldn't people question the lack of one?

amother

Darkblue

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 11:48 am

To me a pidyon haben is a once in a lifetime for the family event. Of course I would invite everyone. By my DS pidyon haben everyone was invited. I am not 100% sure who paid for it but we would never not have close family from the other side come.

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 11:49 am

amother Quince wrote:

Exactly weird situation and it’s not like they can’t afford it. Both sides have aren’t lacking anything and are rich

amother

Oatmeal

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 11:56 am

Sounds like you made assumptions but there is such a thing as a "fake" pidyon haben in halacha. When a mother has an early miscarriage before her first child it can be hard to determine if a pidyon haben is required according to halacha. So the answer to make a pidyon haben but say the bracha without hashems name.

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 11:58 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

Like with my BIL but he anyways would need a real pidyan haben since it was a chemical meaning not within forty days of Mikvah

Yes I did assume with them but I thought it weird as it got closer that there was no mention to anyone in my extended family and only when about 4 months later when I made my pidyan haven did I see a pic of a pidyan haben? In her in-laws house

So that’s why I assumed it was fake cuz
1) both sides have money so getting a hall or shul isn’t a problem
2) why wasn’t her side invited only her DH side
3) even if it was real why was there no pics or videos on the family chat ?

amother

DarkOrange

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:07 pm

My IL made for my son. My MIL did not invite enough people and their were empty seats. My mother eas annoyed and said she should've been told to invite more. It looks silly to have a half empty simcha. But I think my MIL didn't realize my mom wanted more people.

By my sister, her MIL invited so so many people and tried telling my mother to squeeze on a table with all her guests so her her (paying side) can have more seats.

Iyh, you learn from others mistakes. I'll keep in mind to treat the "other side" nicer.