When cry it out won’t work

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Forum -> Children's Health

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amother

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:37 pm

My two year old was never the best sleeper. But we trained her to sleep independently starting T six months. She’s always seemed to need less sleep than other kids. I had a baby when she was nineteen months. She started having horrific tantrums at night- like night terrors but they’d last hours and nothing could calm her.
We’ve gotten over that stage, but now she is unable to sleep without me.
Just putting her in a crib will not work. . If left in her own room she will, quite literally, cry all night. I know because we’ve tried it. I’ve found that I get even less sleep if I put her in her crib because she’ll scream all night and it will keep me up. If she sleeps in my bed at least I can get some sleep. But she is a very light sleeper. If I move or try to sneak out of bed she wakes up. She’s a totally normal sweet kid in the daytime but at night she’s so needy. Let’s not even talk about how little sleep I’m getting. If I wake to nurse the baby then she’s up for at least an hour crying before I can get her back down. Please don’t say just let her cry in her crib. She can and will literally scream all night and that will keep me up in the other room. I work all day so I can’t really sacrifice anymore sleep than I am already losing.. is there a solution here I’m not seeing? Also- should I be worried about her? Like I said she’s really sweet and well behaved during the day. It’s not like I spoil her at all I’m pretty strict . Her nighttime behavior is just something else and I don’t know where it comes from.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:43 pm

You let her cry all night in the past? Poor baby. Don’t be strict with her during the day and go to her at night. Babies have needs night and day.
CIO is abuse.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:44 pm

She sound traumatized from the past. Extra cuddles and snuggles can make a big difference.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:47 pm

I have a similar situation now . Put dd in another room and move a mattress into room and sleep there for a few days until she adjusts . Will that work for you? Like that she gets used to sleeping in her own room/ bed but not to cry … and the you can gradually start moving out … it’s a process but much gentler

amother

IndianRed

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:49 pm

What worked for me was to sit next to her in her room and hold her hand while she lay down. I held her hand until she fell asleep for about two months. Then I held her hand for a few minutes and told her I was just going to get something and I'd be right back. I went for 2 minutes and came back. Slowly built up until I was sitting but not holding her hand. Then sitting outside the room.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:51 pm

Co sleeping is wonderful especially for a baby who has trauma from past nights. If you don’t mind it then it’s a great option.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:54 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

You let her cry all night in the past? Poor baby. Don’t be strict with her during the day and go to her at night. Babies have needs night and day.
CIO is abuse.

Shut up
At least till you're in OP's shoes.
OP goes to her at night, as in the toddler sleeps in OP's bed.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:54 pm

Given your finances, could you possibly, possibly, quit work?

Or, if that's not quite possible, could you at least cut back your work hours?

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:55 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

Co sleeping is wonderful especially for a baby who has trauma from past nights. If you don’t mind it then it’s a great option.

OP co sleeps but she said that her daughter wakes every time she moves or gets out of bed & when she nurses the baby, the toddler cries for an hour.

amother

Mauve

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 12:59 pm

Try writing a bedtime book with her.

This is leah.
Leah is a big girl and sleeps in a big girl bed.
Leah sleeps with her special teddy.
Sometimes at night leah wakes up.
Mommy can come and cover her again. Or maybe tatty will come.
Then leah will go back to sleep in her big girl bed with her special teddy.

You can draw pictures together. Or even take pictures with a camera and develop them.

Read the book often.

It's not magic but it might help.

amother

Lotus

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 1:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

Have you looked into any physical issues that may be causing this? Have you had her iron checked recently? Adenoids? Sleep apnea? Maybe try tart cherry juice before bed (it’s like natural melatonin). Side point my two year old is similar and I really want to TTC but I’m so nervous to have double sleepless nights. How did you decide you were ready with your older child’s poor sleep? Any advice?

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 1:03 pm

My 4 year old still wakes multiple times a night. I gave up. I didn't get a decent night's sleep in 5 years. As much as I'd love to have a baby already, I cannot entertain the thought of not getting any sleep at all.

amother

Lotus

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 1:05 pm

amother Babyblue wrote:

Does your 4 year old fall asleep on their own? I’m wondering if it even makes a diff. Also was your child ever a good sleeper and then started to wake up?
I gave up also- I just co sleep. But I would love my toddler to sleep in her own bed the whole night already.

amother

Grape

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 1:16 pm

I would take her to the doctor

If you can afford it maybe higher a professional sleep trainer

Maybe try craniosacral therapy

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 2:11 pm

amother Lotus wrote:

Bh he doesn't have trouble falling asleep on his own. He just wakes multiple times a night. It's exhausting. He was never a good sleeper. He did not sleep as a baby. It was awful.

amother

Lotus

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 2:13 pm

amother Babyblue wrote:

Bh he doesn't have trouble falling asleep on his own. He just wakes multiple times a night. It's exhausting. He was never a good sleeper. He did not sleep as a baby. It was awful.

My two year old only can fall asleep on her own with naps at daycare. At home she needs my help. But interesting bc people swear by “falling asleep on their own makes them sleep through the night”. But I see that this doesn’t always work. Kids have needs at night just like during the day. It’s so tough. Have you tried anything like melatonin? Or night light in the room?

amother

Clematis

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 2:15 pm

Try the sleep shuffle. You start by sitting with them until they fall sleep, do this in middle of the night as well. As tired as you are it’s better to lose a few nights to make it work. Then you move further and further from the crib as you can, can take days or weeks to move each step. And then eventually you are at the door way, and then right outside the door and then you are done.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 2:21 pm

You say she is very good in the day, and you are pretty strict with her, in the day.

In the day, she goes along.

At night, it all comes out, because at night there is less social structure.

She is not allowed to be a rambunctious kid in the day, but she knows or intuits that yelling like a baby cannot be outlawed in the same way. She even has the example of the new baby, who yells all he wants and everybody has to let him.

Could you possibly be being too strict, in the day? Even though she seems to be fine with that, she may not be so fine with that.

As you work, and are tired too, you can't put up with too much horsing around in the day.

That's why it might be useful to quit or cut back work. Just for a little bit of time, not permanently.

Just a thought.

amother

DarkRed

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 2:29 pm

Whoa. What a way to kick someone when they're down! Where on earth in the Post did it say she's not allowed to be a rambunctious kid during the day? This is conjecture with no basis in fact. At all. Your point may be valid, that a child has a need for less structure, but not the way you present it. Not fair.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Dec 24 2023, 3:00 pm

amother DarkRed wrote:

OP said:

"Like I said she’s really sweet and well behaved during the day. It’s not like I spoil her at all I’m pretty strict."

That's where I got that impression from. The kid is two.

Just a thought.

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