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Boss - wwyd

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amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 11:52 am

I work in a small company and something about my boss (male) just gives me serious bad vibes. he is officially a yeshivish guy, married w kids and even gives a shiur at night and is involved with tzedaka organizations.

I cant explain exactly what it is but there's something about him that really really creeps me out. he overshares.. is overly friendly. he also has a friend relationship with my other female coworker - who is more like his personal secretary (also very yeshivish lady married w kids) their dynamic bothered me since day one as crossing boundaries but since it didnt affect me I keep my nose out of it.. but im just explaining the type to you all.
he spends a LOT of time bragging to us in the office on how amazing he is and how everyone comes and begs him to solve their problems etc.
(his wife has come to the office a few times with lunch to hang out w him and after she leaves he'll come out and announce to us 'its so cute how my wife thinks I have time to sit and talk to her during the day.. like BAD VIBES) I have examples from here till tomorrow...

the thing is he is a very fair and generous boss and super flexible and accommodating.
because he creeps me out a drop I am very VERY careful to be super boundaried when I talk to him and in general my job does not require me to interact w him daily (we are in the office together daily tho)
I am so torn with myself if I should stay bec I dont fee like I am on a slippery slope bec I think hes gross.. and just keep on building those walls be polite but not any amount of friendly.. OR run for the hills when I know that it would be so hard to find a job with similar perks. WWYD

amother

Seashell

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 11:57 am

Sounds like he's socially off

amother

Lightgreen

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 11:59 am

I would think you should listen to your instincts

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 11:59 am

yes I am not sure if he is a world class creep or just socially off.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:01 pm

Is there anyone in the office that you can discuss it with?

peace2

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:03 pm

I think the self-awareness you mentioned in the last paragraph is the key here. It's not clear cut that you must leave or definitely should stay - as you said, he doesn't actually break any boundaries, just gives you a "yucky" feeling. If you feel like the benefits of staying at this point are important and nothing inappropriate is going on, then I don't think you have to leave. Just keep checking in with yourself that you still feel grossed out and yucky towards him. If that feeling starts to dissipate, then I would say time to go.

amother

Oxfordblue

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:07 pm

Sounds like he has a big ego and likes to show off. Maybe he's a flirt as well. But it also sounds like he hasn't come close to really crossing any lines. Not even close. Are you really thinking about leaving a good job over this?

amother

Snow

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:12 pm

amother Oxfordblue wrote:

Agree with this.
Many people are socially off weirdos, braggarts, inflated egos etc
Doesnt make their behavior inappropriate, even if it grosses you out.
Maintain firm boundaries and enjoy your job, its hard to find a job with good perks

amother

Lightgray

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:12 pm

He sounds like an annoying idiot. Dunno about creep.

amother

Candycane

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:12 pm

Similar to what Peace said, as long as you're aware of this behavior and are careful with your boundaries, you should be fine. As soon as he crosses them, get out of there.

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:13 pm

amother Oxfordblue wrote:

thats what im asking advice about Smile

because do I have to wait until he literally does something unacceptable or do I run now?

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:15 pm

thank you all for responding!!

I see the key is to constantly check in with myself.
dh knows the situation so I can always bounce things off him for a reality check.

amother

Steelblue

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:15 pm

I had a frum male coworker who was arrested for a s-xual crime. A few of my coworkers threatened to leave their jobs unless he was fired. They ended up making him work from home instead of at the office.

That’s worthy of leaving a job over. A slightly annoying boss? Nope.

How is this a slippery slope? He hasn’t flirted with you. You barely interact with him.

safetynet1

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:16 pm

Woman have a sense to this... But like Peace2 mentioned; awareness is the key. Keep to your tight boundaries and if he crosses that, You can then decide to leave.

amother

Catmint

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:30 pm

I think you should go ahead and look for another job while staying at this one.

First, something that makes you uncomfortable is annoying to have to deal with.

Second, it is good to keep tabs on the job market and have a sense of one's worth and be open to new opportunities. If you're good at what you do, there are probably opportunities out there for you.

You don't actually have to make a switch. But you may find something that is more appealing.

amother

Snow

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

thats what im asking advice about Smile

because do I have to wait until he literally does something unacceptable or do I run now?

You realize many idiots never actually cross the line into ianppropriate? They just remain idiots.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

thank you all for responding!!

I see the key is to constantly check in with myself.
dh knows the situation so I can always bounce things off him for a reality check.

Trust your gut, but I wouldnt leave a good job over this as long as he hasn't actually crossed boundaries.
Good you can open up to dh. He's your best friend.
Personally, everything you wrote can be within some "normal" depending on how its interpreted,DLKZ, for example his lunch date with his wife is sweet and shows hes a family man, and his saying "my wife thinks I have time" could just be a cover, to communicate y'all shouldnt think you can take same liberties.
If he were alone with said secretary, or coming in early with her or staying late with her, it would give me pause. If he touches inappropriately or at all, it would make me uncomfortable.

I once had a boss who crossed boundaries and I put up a STOP sign, he then fired me. But Hashem made things right and I got a better job, so if you feel in any way uncomfortable, and have to leave, Hashem will send a better job.

naturalmom5

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 1:30 pm

He’s going to have an affair with you
Guys like that always get the girl
It’s not if but when
I would quit my job and listen to tznius hotlines all day for 3 months before looking for another job

amother

Steelblue

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 1:31 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

He’s going to have an affair with you
Guys like that always get the girl
It’s not if but when
I would quit my job and listen to tznius hotlines all day for 3 months before looking for another job

amother

Candycane

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 1:33 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

He’s going to have an affair with you
Guys like that always get the girl
It’s not if but when
I would quit my job and listen to tznius hotlines all day for 3 months before looking for another job

Sarcastic much? OP has a right to be concerned, no need to poke fun.

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