So not in the mood this year.

amother

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 2:26 pm

Purim is usually my favorite time of year, I look forward to it all year, and it's "my outlet".

This year, B"H we made a bar mitzvah recently,
We have a family wedding about 2.5 weeks before Purim
And I'm in my first trimester which ends right around Purim.

My kids want "no theme" this year, but for me "no theme" seems to be "more work" because that means "umpteen" different mishloach manos, if we do a theme, then it's "1-2" per family not "5-6" and in our community you give "everybody" which is over 100. (No, I don't know how to pare down the list, everyone is very interconnected)

So far the best I can do is "Simcha, letting each child be "happy" and because we've had so many "simchos"

I think my girls want to be a "kallah" and "flower girls", not sure what my boys are doing.
Was thinking of making a Smiley face cookie, and I had another idea, but it's escaping me right now.

amother

NeonPurple

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 2:49 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

NOVEL IDEA ALERT!!

you can make Misholach Manos that have nothing to do with your costume !!

Very Happy

yes thats what I do every year
we never had a theme
each child can pick whatever costume they please and I make mm that has nothing to do with anything! and we all live happily ever after

amother

Banana

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 2:50 pm

Not sure if it's easier or harder for.you but I tend to theme each kid to their costume. They put same stuff inside but have different boxes/bags.
My mm I do something classy and real food usually which is not easier....however you can also be very simple and just put a chocolate/nuts on a grape juice or wine. I did that a few years ago when my baby was three weeks old Purim.

Bh I am due two weeks before Purim this year. I am trying to come up with something now for my mm. Kids will tell me what costume they want in next few weeks. My deadline is usually two weeks before. I am going to do all teacher and rebbe ones in next couple weeks so they are done.

watergirl

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 2:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

You do not in any way, shape, or form need to or should feel you have to match their mm with their costume!

No theme mm = bag of chips, bag of cookies or huge homemade cookie, the end.

I get really nice and super cheap bakery boxes that hold three cookies. I bake cookies, put them in the box. Then I tape laffy taffy or whatever candy my kids want to give, and a label so they know who it's from.

I love your idea of letting everyone be happy! You should be part of that. PLEASE take away the pressure this year, you have a lot already. Chips. Cookie. Label. Freilichen Purim!

amother

Alyssum

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 4:45 pm

Is it a better or nicer/get more reward if you do it fancier or do homemade yum things instead of store bought?

Im asking seriously.

Purim my kids get whatever costume fits and is available.
We try to let them choose if we can.

MM we usually get whatever is on offer but try to get nice things.
Nothing major.

Kids shlach monos they usually make themselves , we give them guidelines.
No themes, sometimes they choose a colour that all the foods should be.

I love the fancy shlach monos and I see all these gorgeous things people make that actually take no effort and are even cheaper then what we buy, but you need to have the head for it, and get the right type of nash that will look good in the right container.

And know how to wrap well, which I dont.
And how to fit it all in perfectly.

I appreciate the nice ones.
I admire them and I wish I could make them.
But Im not.
I dont have the energy or patience.

I have a workmate who is an over achiever.
She was talking about making mini kokosh cakes in bags for MM.
Matching to themes costumes etc.
I feel so lazy and boring next to her and then I start to feel mayb I should be doing more.

Is the mitzva to make it nice and beautiful?
Homemade if thats nicer?
Is it better to have nicer more expensive food?

I never used to think like this but lately Im starting to feel really self conscious.

Im the same woman who ordered a few cups of ready cut up 15 fruits for tu bishvat, vezeh hu! rather than buy them all and cut them up.
Menawhile my friend comes in and shows me a super fancy table with platters of beautiful fruit laid out.
I knew she thought mine was an epic waste of money.

zaq

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 8:29 pm

Amother Alyssum, the basic mitzvah is to give 2 different ready-to-eat foods to one person. There is no specific volume required: you could be yotze the mitzvah with a pickle and a pretzel rod. Fancier foods and elegant wrappings enhance the mitzvah the way using a silver menorah enhances lighting Chanuka licht, but enhancements are non-obligatory and lack thereof does not invalidate your mitzvah.

Themes and so on are a modern invention, expanded upon in recent years, and are just another example of ever-rising ostentation in frum society. It takes a strong sense of self to ignore peer pressure and do one's own thing. And please, please, don't even think about MM poems, which IMO are usually not worth the paper they're printed on.

I prefer to give out simpler MM and use the money I didn't waste on fancy wrappings to increase the sum I give to Matanot LaEvyonim.

One should spend the lion's share of Purim money on Matanot LaEvyonim (Rambam.) The basic obligation is one type of ready-to-eat food to each of two people, but here is where you can really shine by giving more to more people, keeping in mind that needy people need real food for their seudah, not just costly sweets and luxury desserts. If you don't know any needy people, your shul , Jewish Community Council or Tomche Shabbos organization can serve as your agent: give them the cash and they'll deliver the goods to needy people you may not even know are needy.

Doing things in a quiet way that reflects your values as opposed to giving in to social pressure to show off builds character.

amother

Mustard

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 9:43 pm

When I was a kid, mm all arrived on a paper dixie plate and consisted of hamantashen that your mother baked, an orange and an apple, and if you were being fancy a few hershey kisses and a mini bottle of kedem grape juice. I think we gave out just a few and that was it. No one had themes. No one matched the mm to their costumes. In fact, I had one Queen Esther costume that my mother sewed for me and it stayed in a box in my closet all year round. She made it with a huge hem, so I wore it from ages 7-9. Not sure what I wore after that, but I can assure you that it wasn't too complicated. I just remember Purim being simple and being the best. Your kids will still have fun if your mm are heartfelt and uncomplicated.

amother

Lime

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 7:22 pm

I get you OP!
I'm 9 weeks pregnant, zero energy. My kids talk about purim nonstop but can't agree on a theme so we're left with random stuff like a curious George, soldier, princess, pirate lol.
I usually invest more energy into it but this year I just don't have any!
I might just do packaged snacks this year. Or bakery items. No cutesy stuff

amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 3:08 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

NOVEL IDEA ALERT!!

you can make Misholach Manos that have nothing to do with your costume !!

Very Happy

For some people it's an "added stress" but for me it's my sense of organization. It's a way to organize and keep it limited so it doesn't turn into a 10-piece mess.

Like right now my attempt to be "nice" and accommodate my kids to be "what they want"--one of my kids asked for a costume that I have no idea where to start making it. When I'm "in control" I drive the costumes toward something that I can manage.

watergirl

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 3:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

You are in charge here, not your kids. If someone asks you for a costume that you can't make or buy easily, you tell your kid no or tell them to borrow, or ask in a community chat who has the costume or costume parts to borrow. Or post here asking for help on getting the costume easily. You have so many options to help you manage.

Get cellophane purim bags. Go down the nosh isle and get bags of chips and packs of noshkies. Each bag gets a bag of chips and a bag of noshkies. This kind of MM is exactly what my kids both give and get. The really fancy ones also have a juice box or water bottle.

Two bags of nosh and a candy in a cellophane bag with a sticker on it is not a 10-piece mess.

OP, this is the time in your life to take it easy.

watergirl

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 3:18 pm

amother Alyssum wrote:

Is it a better or nicer/get more reward if you do it fancier or do homemade yum things instead of store bought?

Is the mitzva to make it nice and beautiful?
Homemade if thats nicer?
Is it better to have nicer more expensive food?......

I'm not a posek but I would bet my wig that a bag of chips and apple earns the same schar as a charcuterie board and a bottle of wine.

amother

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 5:14 pm

watergirl wrote:

I guess for me its hard to just "get away with it" this year because I'm still "too early" to go public with it and it's just "not me" to not get super involved. My mishloach manos are "creative" they are not always "complicated".
We live in a small city so we don't just "have a nosh aisle in the store" everything we give has to be ordered in advance. And our list is complicated and very hard to pare down. Hopefully by the time Purim comes I will be feeling better and more energy I just don't want to run out of time.

amother

Poinsettia

Mon, Feb 05 2024, 5:43 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

NOVEL IDEA ALERT!!

you can make Misholach Manos that have nothing to do with your costume !!

Very Happy

Yup... started doing it ages go. Got sick of twisting myself in knots to match the theme. The food is usually not good and nobody really cares. When I receive such MM I literally laugh at how stupid the whole thing it. Btw..I was doing themes back in the 90s... But it's gotten ridiculous lately.