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-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
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amother
OP
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 Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:21 pm
I'm the same amother as the baby nursing all night. That's not going great either but we have some longer stretches of sleep as long as I'm holding him the whole time.
Now he's almost 6 months old and does not let me put him down for a minute! Occasionally maybe 5. There's not much you can do in that time though. It took me 3 tries to get dressed today because each time I could only do a little bit before the crying got to be too much. I am desperate for a shower because while I can have dh or DD hold him for a little when they're home, I had to spend that time doing some other urgent things yesterday so there went my shower chance.
This includes naps. If I put him down, the nap is over.
He used to sit in a bouncy seat while I got dressed or showered, but he's too big now, can squirm out even when strapped.
He used to play on the floor, now only for a minute or two when he's in a generous mood.
He's no longer friendly about other people holding or playing with him, if I'm anywhere nearby he'll hang out with them for a minute and then cry for me.
The crying is pretty intense, I've tried ignoring kvetches but it just escalates.
How do people live like this? My back is breaking from holding him all the time and anything that requires two hands like washing dishes, folding laundry, showering, just doesn't get done!
Is this a normal rite of passage that will pass on its own soon? I feel like such a bad mother for wishing I could ignore my delicious baby more but I'm starting to lose it 
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amother
Petunia
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:24 pm
Is he teething? Drooling, rubbing gums? Ear infection?
I've heard of babies that are colicky and babies that randomly cry a lot when they're very little but not that it's suddenly starts at 5 months.
Did you check with pediatrician?
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:30 pm
He's been drooling and I've been suspecting teething for over a month already but no teeth in sight. This seems like more of an emotional attachment thing because it's mostly about me. He's better if I'm not there, but also not alone, so when nobody else is home I'm stuck. I work part time and take him to a sitter but in order to get there I need to get dressed!
Pediatrician checked out fine and recommended ferberizing which is definitely not for me  we don't see eye to eye on everything but medically he's a fine doctor and he takes our insurance so that's that.
I don't think it's colic. He's fine when I'm holding him. Just now I actually did manage to put him down sleeping but I need to pat his back every minute or so or he starts waking up again. So I'm off to finish getting dressed 30 seconds at a time
ETA never mind he woke up, realized he wasn't nursing anymore, and is not ready to forgive. I didn't even have time to find a matching pair of socks. Which is necessary because I didn't get a chance to process the clean laundry 
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momof2+?
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:30 pm
Of course you’re losing it! This sounds rough! You don’t get a break!
I’d suggest not picking him up right away when he starts crying. Be within eye sight, and talk to him saying “you are ok, mommy is right here, 1 more minute, hey, look at this toy!!…” to try to lengthen the time he’ll last out of your arms.
And try to take care of yourself. He doesn’t seem to be in pain. The crying is his only method of communication and he’s asking to be held- cuz he likes it 
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amother
Orange
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:33 pm
I have a baby so I know how hard my advice is… but you need to put your foot down. It sucks to let a baby cry, but if he is obviously okay you don’t have a choice. It also seems like his behavior is going to get worse.
Simply he knows you will hold him if he cries and he wants to be held. He will be fine if he isn’t held, and he can cry to learn that.
Believe me I know how hard it is but honestly doesn’t sound like you have a choice.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:36 pm
I've been trying to stretch out the time with encouragement but it's not enough.
Leaving him to just keep crying as he escalates I can't bring myself to do and doesn't feel healthy, I only do it if he started crying when I'm literally in middle of using the toilet and need a few minutes.
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amother
Almond
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:40 pm
No major advice but just gonna say that the fact that he's happy when you hold him doesn't rule out pain or discomfort. Being held by their loving mother is literally that comforting. I've had babies with double ear infections who were all smiles as long as they were held.
Also, I don't believe babies that age can have behavioral or emotional issues. There's something bothering him. And if he just needs to be held, that's a very real, physiological need for babies.
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Chayalle
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:43 pm
My 3 wonderful delightful daughters BAH were little monsters (very cute lovable little monsters) the first few months of their lives. Didn't stop screaming. Held them and walked them and whatever else I possibly could.
Sometimes I put them down in an infant seat and took a quick shower while talking to them. DH and I remember endlessly circling the block with them in a stroller, trying to calm them down......
You do what you gotta do.
BH yes it does pass. Doesn't seem to have affected them badly. They are wonderful kids BH.
BTW they can be teething without any teeth in sight. The teeth can be way down and take forever to come up. One DD didn't get teeth till after her first birthday, but her first ear infection came at 4 months, when the teething began. and the drooling. and the screaming intensified. I think her teeth tortured her for months.
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amother
Orange
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:45 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I've been trying to stretch out the time with encouragement but it's not enough.
Leaving him to just keep crying as he escalates I can't bring myself to do and doesn't feel healthy, I only do it if he started crying when I'm literally in middle of using the toilet and need a few minutes. |
I get you, and honestly I don’t know if I would be capable of doing my own advice, but logically it seems right in your case. I also think that the older he gets, and he keeps this up, the worse it will get. If there is nothing wrong with him physically, and it’s only you, it’s obviously emotional. He wants to feel cozy, and mom gives him that. He wants it ALL the time- sounds like a person with high emotional needs. You as a mother can know that he is fine if he doesn’t get what he WANTS all the time, but he should get his NEEDS all the time.
If it helps, I think continuing this as he gets older will get more and more unhealthy and you’ll quickly become burnt out. Even if he wants you there all the time it’s not healthy for children. What’s healthy is that he learns that you love him and are there for him when he needs, but you are still your own person with needs. Obviously babies this age can’t learn this, but he will be able to comprehend this in a year. And at the rate your going he will not play independently or engage with others when your around.
I get the opposition to Ferberization, I don’t think I would do it, but I think it was made for cases like yours. Children need a measure of independence, this is essentially secure attachment. Your child seeing that your not getting emotional or scared from their cries, but your doing what’s right, will in the long run give them a secure attachment.
Hugs! I really get you and I hope you figure it out!
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Chayalle
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:46 pm
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BTW I did ferberize my kids, but at 18 months, not at 6 months. It actually worked pretty quickly by then. But we were both ready......
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:48 pm
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I guess part of the problem is there's no way to know if this is a want or a need. Either way it's pretty intense
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amother
Eggplant
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:50 pm
That sounds tough.
It can be normal. But also possibly something causing it.
I haven't read the other thread, but it's possible that your baby is reacting to something you're eating. Peanuts, chickpeas, broccoli triggered my kids. They would cry and cry and cry if I ate one of those. Milk can also be a trigger. Can you get off the biggest culprits, or at least keep a food diary?
Also, absolutely, 100% take advantage of your husband and other family members/friends who can hold the baby while you get a shower/nap.
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flowerpower
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:53 pm
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Yes. As hard as it is it sounds unfortunately normal. It’s a physically hard stage that will iyh be outgrown. They want mommys hand all day long
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amother
Eggplant
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:54 pm
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Also, you can give Tylenol/motrin and see if that calms him. Then it's probably teething or another physical pain.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:58 pm
| flowerpower wrote: | | Yes. As hard as it is it sounds unfortunately normal. It’s a physically hard stage that will iyh be outgrown. They want mommys hand all day long |
Is there an average age or amount of time when they tend to outgrow it?
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:59 pm
| amother Eggplant wrote: | | Also, you can give Tylenol/motrin and see if that calms him. Then it's probably teething or another physical pain. |
Tried it for the sleep issues, no change
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 12:59 pm
| amother Eggplant wrote: | That sounds tough.
It can be normal. But also possibly something causing it.
I haven't read the other thread, but it's possible that your baby is reacting to something you're eating. Peanuts, chickpeas, broccoli triggered my kids. They would cry and cry and cry if I ate one of those. Milk can also be a trigger. Can you get off the biggest culprits, or at least keep a food diary?
Also, absolutely, 100% take advantage of your husband and other family members/friends who can hold the baby while you get a shower/nap. |
I should try that. It's hard but I'm running out of ideas.
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tichellady
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 1:06 pm
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My kids are like this and I need to get paid help so I can have a break and not lose my mind. Is this an option for you
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tichellady
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 1:07 pm
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Also do you use a carrier? It’s not the same as no baby on you but better than holding a baby with your hands
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amother
Strawberry
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 1:08 pm
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Does your baby arch his back and clench his fists when he cries? that would indicate discomfort.
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