bachur dies & people sit in judgement

mugsisme

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 12:04 am

OK, forgive me if this is not huge news. But a young man who used to go to school here passed away late last night. He was in a horrible car accident Friday morning. Now the blog Vos Iz Neias posted that he passed away, and people are just saying how terrible it is to drink and drive. Yes, it is wrong, but I am very worried if the parents should see it. Or his friends. Actually, one of his friends has been posting all evening. You can see that the accident has upset people, but I do want them to take their discussion elsewhere.

Anyone with some time, maybe you can go post there?

Link to article

Thank you so much. Obviously I am taking this very personally.

Cdlf

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 12:07 am

I read the comments on Vos Iz Neias and they are really horrible and upsetting. How can pple be so mean and pass judgement at such a time and on T'sha Bav no less. My heart goes out to his family and friends, and you too.

mugsisme

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 12:11 am

It seems like it is one guy who keeps posting. I don't understand why people can't understand. I guess I should be happy he never suffered? I mean, someone who has gone through a hard time would never want to hurt another like this.

Tefila

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 12:12 am

Quote:

he passed away, and people are just saying how terrible it is to drink and drive

There is an Aibeshter in this world and I know of people who are 80yr olds and still smoke and are bouncing healthy seniors . Same with kids who were neglected left on the streets to die and are now productive adults in society.
There was a women I knew who survived the concentration camps and all, had children and grandchildren and once on her daily walk got knocked down by a bus driver.
SO for someone to say it's because one drinks and drives these things happen, I will say since when did anyone appooint them G_D Exclamation

mugsisme

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 12:56 am

chavamom wrote:

Umm - surely you aren't standing up for someone that was driving drunk????

Is that the way it came across? Because no. What am I trying to say is that there is a time and a place for everything. Would someone walk into a mourners house and say, GEE, too bad your husband/father/whoever smoked 2 packs a day because they would still be here if they didn't.

NO, you would do that. I am saying that this boy died TODAY and this guy, YB is not giving anyone a chance to grieve. Maybe Hakadosh Baruchu wants this as a wake up call, but to say it repeatedly while people want to say what a good guy this kid was, is just plain wrong. People think that because you are on the internet you can hide and say anything you want. All I know is that if this family happens to google their child's name, this is what is going to come up. Don't you think they would rather hear from his friends saying how sad they are rather than some stranger posting don't drink & drive? Don't you think the family has hurt enough? And don't tell me it can't happen, because things like this happen all the time, where people find things others didn't want them to see.

Mrs. XYZ

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 1:15 am

GAMZu wrote:

Wasn't he the passenger?

But it seems from all those "reliable sources" that they had both drank.

musisme, by every news story, there will always be people will talk behind the victims back. Of course they wouldn't say those things in front of the familys face, but I guess on the internet they feel its sort of 'behind the back'. Very sad!

Tamiri

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 3:28 am

Well, put it this way: what if the drunks had killed you or your children? Wouldn't you want someone to get up and scream at those who supposedly allowed their child to behave that way? Who gave someone irresponsible the keys to the car?
BTW I have not read the article yet, but let me tell you: I am the mother of 2 older boys, who both drive. 23 year old (today) and 18 yo. I tell them every time they walk out the door about safe driving. About taking a cab if they drink (they don't, but still). About driving safely cause people want their family members to come home, not get killed in an accident that was preventable. I do think that parents are responsible for bringing up their children right. There is always that feeling of "that's my son" when something good happens, and I guess when something bad happens they should not be totally absolved; perhaps the commenter has a point. I will go read it. Lo aleynu.

Tamiri

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 3:38 am

I read. People are venting. There is the recurring theme "but he was a Jewish neshama". First, he was not the driver so he must be absolved of all wrong-doing except being out and drinking. Second, assuming the driver was also Jewish: would the nice people be so fast to defend if a non-Jew was at fault? Be honest. Third, there seems to be a general feeling that parents in that community are lax with regards to parenting their children. There is a valid point raised about the events which led to the horrific accident. I don't think the bereaved parents will ever see this web page; it's being used as an outlet for frustrated people who are probably seeing more terrible incidents than they want to, in their own Jewish community.

Tamiri

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 3:57 am

sarahd wrote:

So those messages should have been directed at the drunk driver who, as in most cases was barely injured, not the passenger and his grieving family, right?

Of course! This kid happened to be an innocent victim.

Clarissa

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 10:02 am

I think the families would be going through even more pain, had an innocent person, or family, in another car been killed because of this terrible error in judgment.

If one person learns anything from any of this (including the comments) and decides not to make such a terrible and potentially deadly decision, it's a good thing.

greenfire

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 10:02 am

sorry but we all need a reality check ... while it is extremely sad ... it is also true ... the kid would be alive today as in now ... if it weren't for drinking and driving ... when oh when will people of all ages WAKE UP and be safe - drinking is NOT FUN when people vomit & it certainly is NOT FUN if they die !!!!!!

pacifier

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 10:30 am

I'mjust confused. where in the article does it say that the driver was drunk?

also, I thought a 16 year old driver is not allowed to drive at certain times, the article doesn't mention what time it happened.

it is sad that young kids have been in an accident and that one died. if it is because of drinking or driving when one was not allowed, then people have to say, why do we wait for accident to happen to wake up and educate our kids??

it's not a question of blaming the child or his parents, but it's sad when something happens that could have been preventable. and apart from telling nice things and divrei nechama to the parents, I think the hespedim should have mentioned that.

rabanim should have called to the community, please we don't want another accident like that, please we don't want another precious child to die.

pacifier

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 11:13 am

so if the driver wasn't drunk, was 20, why is everyone blaming the drinking?
on the contrary, the kid who was drunk and didn't drive should be praised that he wasn't driving.

so, anyone knows what caused the accident?

pacifier

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 11:15 am

one cannot blame an accident on a passenger being drunk (as long as he wasn't actively disturbing the driver), the same way that one wouldn't blame it on a passenger who was sleeping!!!