bachur dies & people sit in judgement

Clarissa

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 10:11 pm

faigie wrote:

people like to point fingers, becuase it makes them feel,,,,,,, that if they are perfect in all ways no bad will befall them.
got news. if this was the boys time to go,,,, he could have chocked on a piece of gum.
having said that we all know drinking and driving is hazardous behavior........ and the family does not need this shoved in their faces.

Nobody thinks that they are perfect, nor do people feel that nothing bad will befall them. All we can do is try to do better and to try to help our children do the same. Nobody is feeling superior to these poor families. They're only pointing out the horror that is drunk driving. I hope my kid gets it, but he's still young, and all I can do is talk and teach, and hope he absorbs.

greenfire

Mon, Aug 11 2008, 10:11 pm

letsbehonest wrote:

Please explain how blaming and humiliating a set of parents in the midst of the worst time of their lives, saves any child's life. Don't people with functioning minds know that 99% of parents do anything in their power to keep their kids safe?

you're absolutely right - blaming the parents would be unjust and even cruel ... but that doesn't mean that talking about the safety of not drinking and driving around this incident wouldn't be appropriate ... one must do so with tact, sensitivity and wisdom ...

Motek

Tue, Aug 12 2008, 12:30 pm

letsbehonest wrote:

happy2BaMommy wrote:

I think the point is that one should not be so insensitive when others are in so much pain. You don't think the same thoughts flash through the bereaved family's heads? Why do ppl have to say such mean, painful things out loud? Would someone make that kind of a comment at a shiva call?

There are some posters who regularly insist that those parents with problem children are themselves to blame for their troubles and backs it up with Seforim, Gedolim and psychology books, as painful as that is to some that read those posts, and nonchalantly make comments to the effect of- It's the truth- like it or not.

So if the gedolim, sefarim etc. are saying so, who is your complaint against?

Have you considered why the sefarim and gedolim and those repeating what it says in sefarim and articles are saying what they say?

Have you decided that the authors and lecturers and posters are all cruel and what they have to say is useless and worse?

ChavieK

Tue, Aug 12 2008, 1:02 pm

Stop speculating on the case. We don't know if the driver was drunk. "some people say" is not fact. Fact is the driver carried the aron at the levaya, speaks volumes about the boys understanding parents. One Rav at the levaya asked mechila on behalf of not only himself, but the whole community. It is not my child, your child, or my community, your community. It is all over & we all need to understand that. Of course we have to do our best to protect & teach our children. We need open communication with them, but still look around. How come some famlies have a bunch of great kids & one with a problem? I certainly don't know the answer, but I know enough not to blame universal blame.

Mevater

Tue, Aug 12 2008, 1:13 pm

Motek wrote:

Have you considered why the sefarim and gedolim and those repeating what it says in sefarim and articles are saying what they say?

Have you decided that the authors and lecturers and posters are all cruel and what they have to say is useless and worse?

I'm totally in agreement with them. I just dont feel that there's a point in hurting mothers on this forum. IF they made mistakes, they are regretting it enough and don't need salt on the wound by some "know it all" here where it doesn't serve any therapeutic purpose. Because s/o blames and criticizes amother here, it'll solve anything? It'll just get some frustrations out of the "know it all".

debsters1101

Tue, Aug 12 2008, 2:39 pm

I don't understand why all this hatred is coming out against the poor kid who died, when he wasn't even the one driving. Whether the driver was drunk or not is irrelevant, because the ppl on vos is nais are talking about the boy who died. If he hadn't been drunk, this still would have happened, and he still would have died, because the driver was still (supposedly) drunk. I am intrigued that he carried the aron at the levaya.... this tells me there must be a part of the story none of us are getting because if I were CHV that boy's parents (CHV CHV CHV) I am pretty sure I wouldn't want the person responsible for his untimely death carrying his aron... there must be more to the story.