Dd's teacher gives her special attention

amother

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 3:20 pm

Dd , 11, has a teacher who makes it clear Dd is her favorite student. She always chooses her for special activities, she smiles at her when she rarely smiles at the class, and Dd said she catches her staring at her sometimes. Dd enjoys the attention and feeling special. I never met the teacher as she only teachers her one or 2 subjects. Should I be concerned?

amother

Offwhite

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 3:50 pm

Most classes have an overt or covert "teacher's pet," most classmates know exactly who it is, and often it's the same kid year after year. Usually a kid who's smart, cute, reliable and obedient and never gives Teach any trouble. The staring part is weird, though. I would be concerned if Teacher kept the child after class or found some excuse to be alone with her, or if she started to get physical, e.g. patting her face or stroking hair. Is DD a reliable observer? Some kids feel that the teacher is staring at them when all she's doing is making the same eye contact with all the kids.

amother

Cyan

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 6:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

This sounds uncannily familiar - I can say the exact same thing down to the detail happened to my relative several years ago. Same exact age… and each thing you mentioned checks off a box … being chosen , being the only one to get the rare smile. Being STARED at.

Over the year it became clear that the teacher has an obsessive side to her personality. My relative felt like a million dollars but her classmates did catch on and would make fun of her for it . Girls mother got advice and was told to discuss with her daughter that the teacher has crossed a line, and obsession with a student is immature to the point of borderline unhealthy, let alone unprofessional. And that any opportunities for special attention such as hanging out 1 on 1 with teacher is not allowed unless discussed with mom first . Girl still loved the special attention but did agree something about it felt strange and did not want classmates t start to resent her.

What they didn’t expect was that the next year , the normal teacher situation was an adjustment.

Do I dare ask if you live in Monsey?

amother

Cyan

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 12:44 am

amother OP wrote:

[quote=
What they didn’t expect was that the next year , the normal teacher situation was an adjustment.
Do I dare ask if you live in Monsey?

What does this mean?

No, we are in Israel.[/quote]

They got a lot of advice as to how to address the relationship while she was her teacher. But weren’t warned that there would be effects after the year was over.

The next year they assumed things would move on but after being more than teachers pet for a year, it felt like a demotion to be just a regular kid. She was so used to the special attention and being treated like gods gift to humanity that the lack thereof made her feel bad. The lack of special opportunities made her feel ‘bored ‘ . Etc .

Also, the teacher who was obsessed with her still taught in the school the year later. It is not healthy for a kid to feel like she is being watched - even if it is in out of so-called ‘admiration’. Since here and there she would catch the teacher (who was no longer her teacher ) staring at her from the other table during lunch time or outside during recess etc, she was not able to fully enjoy that down-time because maybe the teacher is watching. For such a confident girl, working to not care whether someone is staring was an unexpected but necessary step.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 7:06 am

It's concerning on multiple levels. For one, it won't do her any favors socially if the other kids notice. This is also classic grooming behavior and while that might not be happening, the chance that it is happening is rather more than zero and would obviously be dangerous.