Does your teenage son also say...

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 6:58 pm

We're the most boring family on earth. We never do anything fun.
There's nothing to do. I wish I had school. That's how bad it is here.
I tried making a list of things to do. I couldn't put anything on it. There's nothing I want to do.
Yeah, we went somewhere today. The thing was okay. But it took 45 minutes to get there, and 45 minutes to get back. That was such a waste of time. I'd rather be home being bored than stuck in a car being bored.
I learned for two hours this morning. That's a long time. But now there's the whole rest of the day and nothing to do.
My younger siblings are so annoying.
There is NO way I'm calling a friend to get together. Guys don't do that. Yeah, maybe they did in your day, back in the 1980s.
And anyway, almost everyone is away. The ones that aren't are out all day going on fun trips.
Because I'm the only "oldest" in my grade. No one else has little siblings that can't go on all the fun trips.
I don't know what the fun trips are. I can ask, but we won't be able to go on them because they're not for little kids.
Our family is so boring.

Need some company. Please tell me if you're hearing the same lines. Normal for a teenage boy, right?

amother

Lemon

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 6:59 pm

I think it’s normal for teens.
I’m also new at this.
I was cracking up at the Kichels cartoon where the kids call the supper “dysfunctional” 😅
sounded like the adjective used often in my house
ETA my kids tell me the same thing when I ask them to call their friends and find out xyz. I’m also an old fogey and just don’t get it.

amother

Currant

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 7:29 pm

Same here! With us it's largely dd. And she's the youngest, so her older siblings are old enough to opt out of trips so we don't do any real family trips because everyone is stupid and likes stupid things, and she gets to go to the places she likes but only alone and what's the point in that?

amother

Currant

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 7:35 pm

Double

Highstrung

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 7:42 pm

amother Currant wrote:

I have this problem with DD and she’s only 5! She complains when she sees photo albums that it’s not fair that her older siblings all went on trips before she was born . She literally cries with big fat tears about that . Mind you we take her to more attractions than I’ve done with any of my other kids but it’s so boring according to her . And she complains about my house that it’s so small and she wants to move because it’s so boring. And she kvetched today that she wants to switch schools because they have busses with Jewish drivers and she has to do public bussing . And also they have a prettier uniform than she does . It’s not fair that her adult brother gets to go to sleep after 7:30 and on and on and on…
And I hear it from my adult kids and my teens and my tweens …you know what I have to say ? Their kvetching is so boring !

amother

Phlox

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 7:46 pm

Take those teens to a soup kitchen or have them do volunteer work at a hospital or nursing home

amother

Nasturtium

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 7:46 pm

Yes and THANK YOU FOR THE VALIDATION

amother

Coffee

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 8:00 pm

Lol u made me laugh. Don't have a teen boy of my own yet but this is how my brothers always sounded

amother

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 8:08 pm

I'm so glad I started this thread! Now I can not take it personally. I'll just smile and think Boruch Hashem that he's a regular teenager Wink

He just left for Maariv. On the way out, he said something positive!

(It was "I made it through the day. And there are probably no boring parts left! Or at least, if I get bored when I get home, at least I can just go to sleep.")

Forget about the soup kitchen. Can he help me make Shabbos?

I'm very open to ideas about how to respond to this, other than just saying "Well, I'll be here mopping this floor while juggling two kvetchy little kids if you need to talk about how boring things are..." Wink

amother

Kiwi

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 8:08 pm

Sooooo ty-PI-cal! Totally sick.

amother

Watermelon

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 8:52 pm

OP, does your son spend time on a screen?

My theory is that those who spend some regular time on a screen become unable to figure out what to do with themselves when they're not on a screen. But if they never have a screen, they will develop interests on their own.

amother

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 9:00 pm

Nope, absolutely no screen time at home.

He does have a device in school that he can type on. He can also access a few programs on it for classes (and yes, inventive teens can find a way to waste time, even if all they can access is Powerpoint).

But he's never had screen time at home. Other than when he's been really sick, to the point where he can't get out of bed. I think it's happened maybe twice in his childhood, if that.

So no, not a screen time issue.

(FTR, he has ADHD. He has two siblings close under him in age, both of which can self-entertain. He used to be able to entertain a little bit as long as I got him out for a bit of the day. And when he couldn't, he would just annoy his siblings or whatever. Now he's started with these lines instead...which I guess is easier for me, but still.)

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 9:10 pm

lol
Yep sounds like a teenager!
If he’s going to daven with a minyan, hopefully he’ll see some friends there. I find that’s when the most organic plans are made. They’ll plan to get together to play sport or go for a bike ride and get slurpees or whatever.
Also if he has anything that needs for school or just random stuff that needs taking care of. Taking care of their own errands are a great way to keep occupied 😆 and they can go with a friend.
(Simple things, like getting glasses tightened, watch battery replaced etc)

amother

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 9:22 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

Thank you. But the problem is that he's got a bunch of younger siblings who don't want to spend all day shlepping around with him doing errands. And we don't live within walking distance to anywhere...he'd need me to drive him. (Doesn't have a license yet.)

He davens and learns in shul BH so I really can't complain! This is not a complaining thread. More a "I want to know that I'm not the only one hearing this" thread. Like a new mom who is grateful but tired for her newborn and wants to know that most babies sleep as little as hers does Wink

amother

Pistachio

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 9:30 pm

My son says many of these things but he won't learn on his own or go to shul on a weekday.

He doesn't have winter vacation though.

amother

Viola

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 9:36 pm

I have 2 teenage boys who get bored the minute they are not occupied. They have a different way of expressing it (they won't be outright with their blame, just insinuate it). I do think it's an ADHD thing.

amother

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 10:02 pm

amother Viola wrote:

How do you respond to it?

Are you able to occupy them all day?

amother

Wallflower

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 10:29 pm

I tell them it’s a gift and they should enjoy it while they still can. I would do a lot to be able to be bored again !

amother

Watermelon

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 10:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok. I will validate you that this sounds very normal, as a mom of a few teenage boys. What I find has helped is trying to expose them to different experiences so that they can develop their own interests. If they find something they love doing, then they're not making you crazy.

amother

Thu, Feb 15 2024, 10:52 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

Thanks! Okay, so maybe my question is...what interests do your teenage sons have that keep them busy when they're off? What do they love doing? I'd love to expose him to something, but he shoots down everything I suggest.

He showed some interest in chess; apparently they play it in yeshiva and he's "getting good." I got him a bunch of chess books from the library, but he said they're not helpful. They're either too easy or too hard...both in the same books. Thanks but no thanks.

He has siblings (including brothers) who are interested in building with mini legos, playing a musical instrument, drawing, making balloon animals, binding sefarim. Not interested in any of those.

He does like to read, and used to read for hours. Now he still reads for hours but complains that it makes him feel so bored to lie in bed and read all day. Granted, he could sit on the couch and read, or on a chair in his room, but he doesn't.

He likes listening to music. But again, how much can you sit around listening to music?

I offered to ask around to see if there was anyone who needed help -- someone who needed help shlepping things or watching young kids or whatever. He responded like I'd just offered him to be a slave. Again, he used to love playing with a neighbor's younger kids as a chessed. He used to love volunteering to help shlep things. And then...he became a teenager?

I'm really, really open to any other ideas. I know it's not my job to make him un-bored, and right now I'm just validating that it's annoying to have nothing to do, and trying to tell him that I'm confident that he will come up with something to keep himself busy. I'm trying not to take the kvetching seriously. He's a good kid. Just a very grouchy one right now.

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