Purim of devastation, mental illness, & alone

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 7:16 am

The rest of the family will be visiting our child at a mental institution, and I'm home, sick as a dog.

Purim was (is) one of my favorites. Love the costumes, shaloch manos, laughter, joy, silliness.

I won't be able to greet purim-goers at the door. I'm quite devastated over this. It's not exactly something I can share with others in the community because of the sensitivity of our current situation. (No family near by either.)

Life has been extremely emotional with ongoing fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. Purim kind of sprang out of nowhere because I do not have concept of time anymore with my child placed in a residential home for the last 2 months.

Please help me see the brighter side of things. I need love and chizzuk from all of you wonderful ladies. Can you help me get through this? Words of encouragement, funny jokes or memes, cute/adorable pictures.

Thank you
Happy purim!

*One year when we were out of town, we placed our shaloch manos on our front stoop, with a sign saying please take and have a happy Purim! Didn't work out well. Seems people were uncomfortable taking it?

amother

Lightcyan

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 7:27 am

amother OP wrote:

You're home sick now, but is there any chance you'll be feeling better in a month? I understand not wanting to make your child's situation public, but if you're dealing with long term medical issues, don't
keep that a secret at the expense of getting help. Someone should come to you for megillah and help you celebrate if you're dealing with long term illness.

You're saying Purim sprang out of nowhere, but there's a still a month left to figure things out. I haven't even begun planning for Purim yet.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:26 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

I have lupus and have been experiencing many flare ups lately, mostly due to stress I think.

I come from a very yekkish family. Everything is done early. "On time" = late. Plus I usually do things nice and early, when I am able for fear that I'll be bed-bound near or during an event or yuntif.

My husband already takes care of a lot. Schedules, appointments, kids, keeping house when I'm incapacitated, which lately has been quite often.

Honestly, I've been avoiding the OOT community where I live because word spreads fast in a small town. I'm usually a very friendly, outgoing, "life of the party" type of individual. I get so much joy from attending community events with my family. Life has been utterly devastating.

I've had my ups and downs throughout the years, but with a mentally ill, suicidal child, and feeling inadequate as a mother and wife, it's all coming to a head.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:27 pm

amother Blush wrote:

you asked for funny?

https://www.therapyroute.com/a.....jokes

Sending hugs and prayers for yeshuos immediately

Hashem can turn things around in a jiffy

Especially Adar - the time of miracles

May you merit feeling joyous

Thank you for this link. I very much enjoyed it Hug

amother

Orchid

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:43 pm

Purim is in a month. That’s a long time for things to change a bit.
You’re writing as if Purim is in 3 days from now.
I know it’s not easy to have a child with a mental illness. I know because I have one too. Being hospitalized is actually a good thing because this is the best place for help and change. There are organizations who offer support if you need. Chazkeinu, kesher nafshi and probably a few more.
Do you find that your diet affects the lupus? I met someone who told me that she mostly healed by staying away from certain foods.
It can’t be easy though…
I hope you feel better soon and your child is doing much better so you can be happier on Purim.

amother

Offwhite

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 10:24 pm

The General states in the name of Ben Sirah (Sanhedrin 100B):

אל תצר צרת מחר כי לא תדע מה ילד יום

"Don't suffer tomorrow's troubles because you don't even know what new things can happen today."

Anything can happen in a month. A lot can change.

And even in the worst case scenario, even if everything is as terrible as you anticipate, will you suffer less on Purim because you "pre-suffered" through it today?

Today you are dealing with a lot. And it makes sense to feel pain for today for all the things that are horrible today.

But tomorrow is a new day. New things can happen. And new things can happen over the next days and weeks and month. Try to leave open that space for hope.

But even if you can't find space for hope, today's troubles are enough for today. Tomorrow you'll have new strength to deal with tomorrow's troubles. On Purim itself you might surprise yourself with the inner strength you might find.

Sending you hugs and strength.

amother

Seablue

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 7:03 am

OP, I'm so sorry that you are experiencing pain and suffering from your lupus and your child's mental health struggles. I sincerely wish you a refuah shleimah both for yourself and your child. I agree with other posters that in a month you might have significant improvement in your current condition. I understand that your family background is one that requires you to be prepared. Why don't you focus on the actual requirements of the mitzvah and fulfill your social obligation by buying mishloach manot through a charitable organization(such as Yachad or Chabad) or by sending donation cards (Chai Lifeline, Leket, Yad Eliezer or Sharsheret) and just giving one mm with actual food. That way, you can spare your energy, while also helping people in need. Even if you cannot participate in the mitzvah because you have physical or emotional limitations, perhaps you can put on a nice outfit and play some music in your house. Order in some food that you will enjoy and try to get some positive feelings from the day.
https://www.yachad.org/yachadgifts/
https://www.mykoshergifts.com/purim-nova/
https://www.chailifeline.org/e.....D_BwE
https://gift.leket.org/
https://sharsheret.org/purim-cards/
https://www.bezri.org/program_.....id=31