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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Feb 25 2024, 7:49 am
I do not do daily mitzvah notes, but every shabbos there’s a special mitzvah note the Rebbi sends home for us to fill out. Honestly, I cannot think of anything to write! My son has severe adhd and behavioral issues. He doesn’t listen to a word, has zero self control and couldn’t care less about brachos or muktzah, is always fighting/grabbing etc. every shabbos is a piece of gehenom!
Any ideas for generic mitzvah notes that would still hold true??
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amother
Gardenia
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 7:51 am
Child loves shabbos kodesh!
Child ate the seudah like a big totty (even if it's nothing)
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amother
Obsidian
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 7:54 am
We are all so very proud of Shmuly
Shmuly wore his Shabbos pjs/clothes and looked very handsome in honor of Shabbos.
Shmuly ate special nosh in honor of Shabbos
Shmuly ate challah/cholent/ favorite food in honor of Shabbos.
He does these things to Honor the Shabbos
These kids need it the most. Catch them when they are good and immensely praise them for the tiniest thing.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 7:55 am
| amother Gardenia wrote: | Child loves shabbos kodesh!
Child ate the seudah like a big totty (even if it's nothing) |
Child wreaked so much havoc by the seuda I’m not even sure he ate anything, but I guess we can go with the first one 
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 7:56 am
| amother Obsidian wrote: | Shmuly wore his Shabbos pjs/clothes and looked very handsome in honor of Shabbos.
Shmuly ate special nosh in honor of Shabbos
Shmuly ate challah/cholent/ favorite food in honor of Shabbos.
He does these things to Honor the Shabbos |
lol thanks!! I like this! He takes Shabbos party very seriously so we can hone in on that one 
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amother
Charcoal
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 7:56 am
___ played with his cars nicely.
Stayed in his bed until morning.
Kissed the mezuzah.
Hung up his coat.
Looks fwd to shbs all week!
Played quietly on his Gameboy
Used his fork nicely when eating
Went to shul
Was gentle with the baby
Bentched nicely.
I used to use mitzvah notes to bolster good behaviors but then I realized that it doesn't need to be things that are a struggle. Could be the one thing he anyways does right.
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amother
Obsidian
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 7:57 am
I edited my post
Just re-iterate that he does it TO HONOR THE SHABBOS.
That’s a huge mitzvah
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:00 am
| amother Charcoal wrote: | ___ played with his cars nicely.
Stayed in his bed until morning.
Kissed the mezuzah.
Hung up his coat.
Looks fwd to shbs all week!
Played quietly on his Gameboy
Used his fork nicely when eating
Went to shul
Was gentle with the baby
Bentched nicely.
I used to use mitzvah notes to bolster good behaviors but then I realized that it doesn't need to be things that are a struggle. Could be the one thing he anyways does right. |
The first example I do all the time. Plays nicely- I think I wrote that every week. Stayed in his bed until morning? Define morning. Mezuzah, nope. Hangs up coat? Used fork? Went to shul? Gentle? Benched LOL- not this kid. I try so hard to see the positive in him, but realistically it’s so overshadowed by everything else he does.
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amother
Gardenia
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:00 am
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There was one time I wrote as a mitzvah note that son knows now how to listen to his mother. That did not bode well because ever since then he refused to take a mitzvah note. He was afraid that I wrote something similar and his Rebbe wouldn't be happy so there went those incentives.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:01 am
| amother Obsidian wrote: | I edited my post
Just re-iterate that he does it TO HONOR THE SHABBOS.
That’s a huge mitzvah |
Will do!!
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amother
Caramel
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:06 am
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I came on here to say I can totally relate. My son is like this, and I spent a good half hour crying in bed this shabbos. Shabbos is just so challenging with these children!!! Looks like you got some other good mitzvah note ideas. I'm just hear to say....I see you! I get what your going through.
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amother
Outerspace
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:09 am
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Your kid needs the encouragement even more! Even if it's stretching the truth
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watergirl
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:13 am
The poor kid, Shabbos is probably harder for him than it is for you. Kids at mitzvah note age So badly want to have a note to bring into their rebbe, They just need help getting there.
I could really with a few of my kids.
The trick is to set them up for success and to “catch him doing good”, even for a second.
How to set up up for success:
“Shmuli, you are going to shower and get dressed for shabbos and I will write rebbe a mitzvah note”. It doesn’t matter what clothing he puts on for Shabbos, it is still for Shabbos. It counts.
Caught doing good - Pay attention to your child, and when he’s doing the right thing, even for a second, catch him doing it and tell him good job. “Shmuli! I love how you used your fork properly! Good job!”.
Our children get more negative attention than positive attention, unfortunately. They are so craving any kind of attention at this point, but it’s the positive attention they get that will encourage them to do more.
Most importantly, I hope you are doing something to help him with his ADHD and impulsive behaviors. As hard as it is to parent our children, it’s even harder for the children to be themselves.
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amother
Brown
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:13 am
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I would search with all my heart for anything positive to write. I have a child like this and these notes mean the world to them. Even if it means I need to exaggerate or stretch the truth abit.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:42 am
| amother Caramel wrote: | | I came on here to say I can totally relate. My son is like this, and I spent a good half hour crying in bed this shabbos. Shabbos is just so challenging with these children!!! Looks like you got some other good mitzvah note ideas. I'm just hear to say....I see you! I get what your going through. |
That means a lot! Thank you! It always feels so isolating and I try not to complain but shabbos and Sunday is honestly TORTURE.
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amother
Obsidian
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:45 am
Does he set up for Shabbos Party?
Try to figure nd 2-3 things around what he is good for.
You said he takes Shabbos party seriously
Shmuly helped pick Nosh for Shabbos Party early in the week IN HONOR OF SHABBOS
Shmuly helped bring the nosh to the table IN HONOR OF SHABBOS
Shmuly ate nosh at Shabbos party IN HONOR OF SHABBOS.
You can tell him the story of Yosef Mokir Shabbos and tell him howHUGE this mitzvah is
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=.....yA%3D
Let him know he’s a big Tzadik like Yosef Mokir Shabbos
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:52 am
| watergirl wrote: | The poor kid, Shabbos is probably harder for him than it is for you. Kids at mitzvah note age So badly want to have a note to bring into their rebbe, They just need help getting there.
I could really with a few of my kids.
The trick is to set them up for success and to “catch him doing good”, even for a second.
How to set up up for success:
“Shmuli, you are going to shower and get dressed for shabbos and I will write rebbe a mitzvah note”. It doesn’t matter what clothing he puts on for Shabbos, it is still for Shabbos. It counts.
Caught doing good - Pay attention to your child, and when he’s doing the right thing, even for a second, catch him doing it and tell him good job. “Shmuli! I love how you used your fork properly! Good job!”.
Our children get more negative attention than positive attention, unfortunately. They are so craving any kind of attention at this point, but it’s the positive attention they get that will encourage them to do more.
Most importantly, I hope you are doing something to help him with his ADHD and impulsive behaviors. As hard as it is to parent our children, it’s even harder for the children to be themselves. |
I try to point out when he’s doing something good. I’ll not going to lie, it’s hard. Every single thing is a struggle. I don’t love the idea of “do this so I can write you a mitzvah note.” But I try to think of the things he is genuinely good at, although right now there are not many things. Many times I ask the question to him- what should I write? Sometimes that helps. Yes, we are doing everything we can to help him. It’s literally taking over my whole life. Iyh one day he’s going to give us so much nachas, but right now my house feels like it’s falling apart.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 8:53 am
| amother Obsidian wrote: | Does he set up for Shabbos Party?
Try to figure nd 2-3 things around what he is good for.
Let him know he’s a big Tzadik like Yosef Mokir Shabbos |
Great idea! He loves Yosef Mokir Shabbos!
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amother
Currant
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:53 am
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My son is exactly the same. Shabbos is torture. I bribe him to clean up the playroom and then I write a mitzvah note that he cleaned the playroom all by himself lol
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amother
Papayawhip
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Sun, Feb 25 2024, 10:06 am
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Dd1 did something brilliant last week. When she called to wish me good shabbos she put her challenging child on. That allowed her to say he spoke to his bubby to wish her good shabbos. He was very proud of himself because usually only the older kids (who can call themselves) speak to me on erev shabbos.
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