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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Purim
Do you expect the Rav to give back MM?
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| Yes, of course |
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5% |
[ 11 ] |
| No |
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90% |
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| Other? |
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3% |
[ 8 ] |
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| Total Votes : 210 |
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amother
OP
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 Mon, Feb 26 2024, 8:51 pm
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I have read on Imamother that people think it's rude when they bring Mishloach Manos to someone and they don't reciprocate. My question is if you would feel insulted if you bring MM to the Rav, or RY, and the rebbetzin doesn't reciprocate?
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amother
Oleander
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 8:53 pm
No, it's not expected for them to reciprocate.
(And I don't think it's rude to not reciprocate MM in general. This isn't what the mitzvah is.)
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amother
Forsythia
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 8:53 pm
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 8:58 pm
I'm asking as a Rebbetzin who receives perhaps 100 MM each year. I usually prepare about 50, but then run out at some point.
This year I'm thinking not to bother at all.
I would prepare one just to be yotzei the mitzva.
I also serve a lot of food during the day for people who come, so it's very hectic. I just don't want people to feel bad if they give us MM and we don't reciprocate.
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Rappel
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:00 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I'm asking as a Rebbetzin who receives perhaps 100 MM each year. I usually prepare about 50, but then run out at some point.
This year I'm thinking not to bother at all.
I would prepare one just to be yotzei the mitzva.
I also serve a lot of food during the day for people who come, so it's very hectic. I just don't want people to feel bad if they give us MM and we don't reciprocate. |
Two foods on a plate are also mishlochei manot.
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amother
Smokey
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:03 pm
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No it's too much to give every person who gives them. But I know most say come between this and that time and they usually have food out for people to eat.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:05 pm
| Rappel wrote: | | Two foods on a plate are also mishlochei manot. |
I know that. The mitzva is to give to one person, though.
I don't do anything fancy.
For me it's even just packaging and being there to give back to each person.
As I said, I have a lot of food that I serve throughout the day, hot dishes, fruits, salads, cakes..so I'm busy with that as well.
Most people come in and serve themselves lunch.
I'm trying to see if I can make things a bit less complicated for myself this Purim, so I was wondering if people actually expect to receive a MM from the Rav, or if it's ok if I skip it.
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kenz
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:16 pm
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If everyone who comes in is offered hot food, that is your shalach manos, period. You definitely do not have to have a package for each of them as well.
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:26 pm
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My father is a rav in a community that has BH grow tremendously over the past few decades (he's been there 40 years). My mother stopped making mishloach manos years ago. At this point they probably get close to 200 MM and would never be able to reciprocate. Their shul does have a group mishloach manos campaign so they always "give" to the whole member list through that
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B'Syata D'Shmya
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:39 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I'm asking as a Rebbetzin who receives perhaps 100 MM each year. I usually prepare about 50, but then run out at some point.
This year I'm thinking not to bother at all.
I would prepare one just to be yotzei the mitzva.
I also serve a lot of food during the day for people who come, so it's very hectic. I just don't want people to feel bad if they give us MM and we don't reciprocate. |
One Rav I know gives a lollypop and wafer so they are covered. Prepare x amount then recycle.
You dont HAVE to reciprocate, everyone understands.
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amother
Orchid
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:58 pm
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We give to the rav of our shul every year and never expect one in return. Our rebbetzin sets out a spread of nosh for the families who come deliver and the kids all love that stop.
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amother
Babypink
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 10:10 pm
Climb on to hobby horse
It is never rude not to reciprocate mishloach manos.
It's very, very childish to "give to get".
People who think it's rude have an issue.
Climb off hobby horse.
When it comes to a Rav, obviously he doesn't have to reciprocate. I mean, our Rav has over 1000 shul members. How is that even doable?
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mirror
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 10:17 pm
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If your dh is a Rav who gets 1000 Mishloach Manos, what do you do with everything you get? How do you decide what to keep for your family?
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WhatFor
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 11:08 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I know that. The mitzva is to give to one person, though.
I don't do anything fancy.
For me it's even just packaging and being there to give back to each person.
As I said, I have a lot of food that I serve throughout the day, hot dishes, fruits, salads, cakes..so I'm busy with that as well.
Most people come in and serve themselves lunch.
I'm trying to see if I can make things a bit less complicated for myself this Purim, so I was wondering if people actually expect to receive a MM from the Rav, or if it's ok if I skip it. |
I don't know what people expect. If you invite people in for food, how can they be offended? I'd personally make some amount of mm though. But as a practical matter, if you're anticipating getting heaps of food, it might make sense to consider recycling them throughout the day.
Maybe someone- a child, close family guest if you have one - can be responsible for periodically sorting through the mm, and putting aside things you'll all happily part with to be given away? I know for a rebbetzin there's an issue of making sure you keep the hechsher you give away so people don't assume you eat something you don't, but this can be factored in. You can get small classy bags from a cheap store, and once you run out of your originals, add a bit of food to them from the ones that came in. Unless you plan to use them for a shul kiddush or something, Pesach is coming, and this only seems practical to me.
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WhatFor
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 11:12 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I know that. The mitzva is to give to one person, though.
I don't do anything fancy.
For me it's even just packaging and being there to give back to each person.
As I said, I have a lot of food that I serve throughout the day, hot dishes, fruits, salads, cakes..so I'm busy with that as well.
Most people come in and serve themselves lunch.
I'm trying to see if I can make things a bit less complicated for myself this Purim, so I was wondering if people actually expect to receive a MM from the Rav, or if it's ok if I skip it. |
Ok. I just reread and see what you're asking. If it's more of a headache for you to recycle them on Purim than after, and you're serving food, I personally think you're totally fine. I thought the original mitzvah was anyway to give someone a meal. If you say "come inside and please have some food in our house" I can't imagine how someone would be upset.
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amother
Springgreen
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Mon, Feb 26 2024, 11:15 pm
Please do not recycle things as a rebetzin, can be hurtful and just plain weird.
It’s not expected at all, may just be weird for the people you used to give to but they’ll get used to it.
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amother
Phlox
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Tue, Feb 27 2024, 1:30 am
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I’m the rebbetzin of a shul with 250 families. We make very simple mishloach manot (like $1 - $1.50 each) - and we make a ton of them - like 350- we give them to whoever comes to our house - shul members, kids friends etc. Purim is amazing! It’s always so nice to have the shul members come by. We do end up with a ton of nosh!
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amother
Lightcyan
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Tue, Feb 27 2024, 2:51 am
I give our Rav and certainly don't expect back. They give us so much all year, finally it's our turn to give!
They have a bowl of treats which they give to the little kids.
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amother
Poppy
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Tue, Feb 27 2024, 3:04 am
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Of course I wouldn't expect it, I know the rav is getting 10x the amount I'm getting, that would be crazy lol. If you really feel like you have to do something, get a big bucket of Laffy taffy and hand one to each child that comes by. No, it's not MM in the halachik sense, but once you've fulfilled your halachik requirement of giving just one, then it obviously doesn't matter what you give to anyone else coming by.
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DVOM
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Tue, Feb 27 2024, 3:09 am
Our matchmaker is the wife of a very prominent Rabbi in our town, and we go every year on Purim to give shalach manot and to show off our fabulous kids. This rebbetzin also works in a community role. I think they must receive thousands of shalach manot, no exaggeration. There is zero expectation that they'll give back shalach manot to everyone who comes to their door. It would be impossible. They do have a lovely buffet set up with kugal and meatballs, cake, fruit, and salads.
(That having been said, the rebbetzin always makes a drama of inviting my kids 'secretly' into the back room off the kitchen where all the shalach manot they've received are being piled up, and invited each one of them to pick their own shalach manot. This has evolved into the highlight of my kids Purim, and we inevitably walk out of there with 5 or 6 enormous fancy chocolate platters. )
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