Do you expect the Rav to reciprocate mishloach Manos?

Ema of 5

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 6:17 am

amother OP wrote:

I have read on Imamother that people think it's rude when they bring Mishloach Manos to someone and they don't reciprocate. My question is if you would feel insulted if you bring MM to the Rav, or RY, and the rebbetzin doesn't reciprocate?

I don’t expect anyone to reciprocate.

keym

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 8:25 am

Our Rav has some fruit and kugel on his table and a huge basket of candy.
My husband stops by, the Rav offers him something to eat and offers each kid to take something from the candy basket.
This is what most of the Rabbanim and RY that I know do.

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 8:31 am

mirror wrote:

If your dh is a Rav who gets 1000 Mishloach Manos, what do you do with everything you get? How do you decide what to keep for your family?

I give most of it away. There are always people who are happy to take chocolate platters.

Simple1

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 8:38 am

A Rav is different than a friend regarding reciprocating. They are not a peer. It is being done to show application. When a friend doesn’t reciprocate it’s not necessarily rude, but it can leave the giver questioning the friendship, which is the point of MM. That said, it’s nice to put out a nosh or food table which will leave your community with a warm feeling. Or leave bowls of candy and if you want to do extra, put out small goody bags to fill up.

mommyhood

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 8:42 am

I don’t know if expect is the right word but I’ve never given to a Rav that didn’t give back. I wouldn’t wait around for one or be insulted if I didn’t get but it’s definitely the norm where I live. The ones I give to have figured out a simple MM that they can make in bulk and do the same every year they’re not trying to be creative or match the level of what’s they’re being given it’s just a token to have something to give.

amother

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 8:46 am

My husband gives all the kids a lollipop and some Purim gelt.
I invite everyone to help themselves from the buffet, and most people do come in.

I would not recycle other people's mm to pass off as my own.

What makes Purim extra challenging for me is to prepare the mm in advance, and have the presence of mind to give each one a mm. It happens often that I give it to them while they are at the table and they leave it there by mistake. So if I cut that pressure out, it would definitely be a relief for me.

When mm come in, they all go into a side room to be sorted through later, except for things that have to go to the fridge or freezer. After everything is over, my kids and I enjoy dismantling all the packages and reading everyone's poems.

naomi2

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 8:50 am

I dont expect a packaged mishloach manos from the rav but I think it's really nice if you have something to offer the people who stop by. Maybe a pice of kugel, a bowl of candy, a slice of cake etc. Just to spread the good feelings

amother

Cadetblue

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:03 am

Just to reiterate the general consensus-
Granddaughter of a retired Rabbi-
Generally the Rav sits at the dining room table and people bringing MM fill up a plate with kugel, meatballs, franks n blanks, fruit and sit a few minutes talking with the Rav and getting brachos and pictures with their kids.
Rebbetzin often also sitting on the couch schmoozing with the women and admiring the cute kids and original costumes. Very often the rebbetzin or Rav’s kids or grandkids will offer the kids a nosh like a fancy lolly, ring pop, candy bracelet or a small prize.
Some give a MM back (chocolate bar + grape juice, or challah roll + Snapple type of package) until they run out. Definitely not expected.
And yes, we were the kids that got to come over at the end of the day and pick our favorite things from the mountains of yummy stuff that people sent. There are many, many, many challenges growing up with parents or grandparents who are busy leading a tzibbur but this was one perk that was a tremendous highlight.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 9:17 am

amother Cadetblue wrote:

Sounds like Purim was The absolute best day of the entire year Smile

mom923

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 11:31 am

The mitzvah of the day is not to receive MM. It’s to give. I generally make a list of who we want to give to and make a few extras in case someone drops off who I didn’t account for. But if I didn’t have any left. I would accept with a smile and a “freilichin purim”

amother

Honey

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:35 pm

I went to a rebbetzin who in front of me took a bottle from the ones she got put it in a bag with a handful of nosh and gave it to me.
I didn't find anything wrong with it!

When you get mm take it into the kitchen out of sight, take out expensive wine and anything you want to keep and recycle what ppl give you after the first 50 are given out.
If you want it to be more personal buy 100 bags(or more!) instead of only 50 so the next 50 mm are "matching" yours and nobody feel bad.
Why should you have a huge pile of leftovers after purim if you can give it out on purim instead!

ShishKabob

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm asking as a Rebbetzin who receives perhaps 100 MM each year. I usually prepare about 50, but then run out at some point.
This year I'm thinking not to bother at all.
I would prepare one just to be yotzei the mitzva.
I also serve a lot of food during the day for people who come, so it's very hectic. I just don't want people to feel bad if they give us MM and we don't reciprocate.

This is the real mitzvah of mishloach manos, to give people food to eat for Purim.
However, if I were you, I would prepare a clean unused garbage bin full of snacksor nosh and another garbage bin full of cans of soda and put up a sign, please help yourself to your mishloach manos. The kids will love it and feel like they're getting something. Who doesn't want a can of soda?
The reason why I wrote garbage bin is because its big enough and you wont need to refill it. You can even wrap it to look like a huge basket or something like that.
Hugs and have an easy and happy Purim!

amother

Starflower

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 12:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

You can just make one for you to give and one for DH to give, I don’t think you need to give everyone who gives you especially if you can’t handle it

amother

Rainbow

Tue, Feb 27 2024, 1:32 pm

Dh always says the real mitzva is to give and not get one back.
I think this scenario is the same for any unequal relationship. The same way you give to your boss and don't expect them to gift you back, a rav is also your 'superior' and you don't expect them to reciprocate. Or if you give to your child's teacher, you also don't expect them to reciprocate.
It's nice if they have something to give the kids, like candy or chocolate, but it isn't necessary.

amother

Honey

Wed, Feb 28 2024, 9:00 am

evaeva wrote:

May I ask for ideas for Rebbetzin that does want to give? What did you prepare in the past when you prepared about 50?

A fresh challa roll(store bought) and a small grape juice

amother

Papaya

Wed, Feb 28 2024, 9:00 am

Our Rav has a table with hot kugel, some cake, and drinks that he serves to everyone coming in. The Rebbitzen has a candy table set up and gives all of the children a treat! I would NOT want her to give me a MM. I love the way it’s set up!