S/o large ratio babysitter

amother

Seablue

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 4:07 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

It “triggers” me because I don’t like bullying. I’ve worked most of my married life, and have always sent my kids, when needed, to loving baby sitters with small ratios. What are you trying to prove exactly? That you are making me feel bad? You’re not, my skin is much thicker than that. I am defending the other moms, the ones that you and OP are shaming. It’s not ok.

Your missing the point of Op. Although it may pacify the mom, if a baby is being neglected we aren't helping anyone. So yes its easier to be politically correct but that wont impact or better the lives of these babies.

amother

Seablue

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 4:08 pm

amother Lime wrote:

How many was a small group and what age were they?
I'm salivating thinking how much you must have earned being able to afford a private sitter and paying them enough that they can pay their bills.
I also live very simple. When I was working before babysitting we had never even ordered a pizza for supper, we couldn't afford it, nevermind getting a basic takeout or paying a babysitter.

1-2 babies. I made peanuts so don't salivate too much.

Ema of 5

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 4:15 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

Your missing the point of Op. Although it may pacify the mom, if a baby is being neglected we aren't helping anyone. So yes it’s easier to be politically correct but that wont impact or better the lives of these babies.

And you missed my point. There are halachos when it comes to giving tochacha. You don’t know that anyone is being neglected. You are assuming, because of research, which didn’t involve Jewish day cares. You are assuming that because there are lower ratios, there is less neglect. You are assuming that your shaming will get people to change what they do. This is not about being “politically correct” it’s about not bullying other people.

amother

Lime

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 4:19 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

1-2 babies. I made peanuts so don't salivate too much.

If you were making peanuts is it safe to say your husband was able to work for a large sum or were you underpaying the babysitter and then we can start a whole new post on underpaying workers?
Something doesn't add up if you believe that you are in the same situation of mothers who send to or have groups of 5-7 babies/1 yr olds but managed to afford a private babysitter for just 2 children or a private nanny. Whilst earning peanuts.

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 4:22 pm

amother Phlox wrote:

You and your husband are both home taking care of the baby? No one needs to work?

I'm home, my husband owns a business & is often around. 40% of the time, we are both around.
If not, it's 1:1.

You don't hear me judging other parents.
This is child #6.
1-4 went out bec I had to work. 1-3 had a ratio of about 1:4/5.
#4, same person had more kids, assorted ages. I was able to be home with 5 up until 15 mths. Now I don't work.
However, the babysitter situation in Lakewood is crazy & sometimes parents hv to weigh options.

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 4:53 pm

I've seen all types with my kids and it rarely has to do with the ratio. One mitapelet took only a few babies but she made challah while babies cried! I was horrified after seeing that and no my baby didn't go there daily bH.

Last year, I sent to someone who takes her kid who is a bit older and another 8 one year Olds. She is amazing. My baby was happy and not neglected. I helped her out at times and saw her at work. No I would not send her a little baby (she discourages those mothers... she really only wants 1 yos.) But my toddler was happy there. The only thing that worried me was if there was an emergency cv"s because she doesn't have 9 arms.

This year, for 2 yo I had an option again to send to a smaller ratio. My social butterfly wasn't so happy even though that ganenet is amazing and super warm and loving. I switched her to a larger group and she is thriving. And I'm happy she won't be going from very small to a gan with over 30 kids next year.

Hrow tomatoes but bottom line is that ratio isn't everything and also there isn't always a choice. Where I live, there aren't so many affordable options.

amother

Azure

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 5:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

If you really realized how serious this issue is to the detriment of the child you would consider some of these ideas:
- non jewish cheaper babysitter who is loving and respectful with cameras of course
-mix the ages
- stop learning and go to work if you really cannot afford proper child care - I know this will be controversial but I say it with utmost respect for those learning just not at the expense of innocent babies
- cut out other expenses obviouslyi know this doesn't apply to everyone but I do see it in lakewood lots of moms shopping in fancy stores buying new sheitel then leaving their babies in large groups

You do realize that people can not be learning in kollel and cutting extra expenses and still can't afford private babysitting right? And just because you are ok with a non jew doesn't mean everyone else is?

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:13 pm

amother Azure wrote:

Just because you are OK with children being neglected doesn't mean everyone else is

Ema of 5

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just because you are OK with children being neglected doesn't mean everyone else is

Again, being in a small group in no way ensures that a child will not be neglected.
And why do you feel the need to be nasty? I thought your purpose here was to educate, not to shame and bash.

amother

Antiquewhite

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just because you are OK with children being neglected doesn't mean everyone else is

OP, your agenda is clearly not to educate, but to shame others.
Putting down & being rude, isn't education or spreading awareness.

amother

Azure

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just because you are OK with children being neglected doesn't mean everyone else is

Who said I'm ok with it? But I'm not going to put down others for their choices. The interesting thing is that you are so concerned but aside for educating and giving some suggestions, what are you actually doing? Are you helping people pay for better babysitting? Are you babysitting a small group so moms can work? When people are that concerned they usually do something about it. People who were so concerned about kallahs having the necessary things to got married started hachnosas kallah organizations. People who were concerned about the elderly being left alone in the hospital started organizations that sent people to stay in the hospitals. People who were concerned that sick people didn't have a way of getting to the hospital organized rides for thems. They didn't just get on here and put people down for not marrying their kids off with what they need, or leaving the elderly alone in the hospitals. They did something about it. So op, this is a great opportunity for you to make a change for something you clearly feel so strongly about.

amother

Charcoal

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:56 pm

amother Azure wrote:

If you want a small step that's doable, there's a suggestion that comes up every once in a while. It's to get the babysitters the same benefits that mechanchim get. How about you put your energy towards that?

amother

Eggplant

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 6:58 pm

amother Lime wrote:

No mother in their right mind will hear of a baby sitter who neglects children and say yay I'm sending my child to this group. And if they do, they are obviously not in their right mind and it's anyway not safe for their child to be with them anyway and the babysitter might be a safer option and they aren't going to take advice from you via imamother.

I disagree. Anyone who knows that they are sending their 6 week old to a babysitter who has 8+ infants (and yes I personally know plenty of people “in their right mind” like this) should automatically also know that they are sending their infant to a babysitter that neglects children. Because we all know no babysitter can take care of 8+ infants at once. Yet hundreds/thousands of people “in their right mind” do this, just in Lakewood alone.

amother

Buttercup

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 7:03 pm

Non Jewish babysitter split between two babies is marginally more expensive than a frum babysitting group for me. She is paid $18/hr which is $9/hr for each of us. It’s not as exorbitantly expensive as everyone is making it out to be. Frum babysitting groups are $7-8 an hour for smaller groups. These prices are all Brooklyn.

amother

Eggplant

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 7:04 pm

I have always been a very passionate voice on this site regarding the detriment of babysitters/high ratios/low quality childcare. But I’ve stayed out of this thread until now because there seemed to be enough passionate voices. But I just way to point out that a baby crying for a few minutes is in no way neglect. It is the natural order of life.

For context, I am a SAHM. I keep my kids home with me till they are about 2.5 years old. My baby’s closest sibling is more than 3 years older than him. Yet still, my baby cries (gasp!) multiple times a day!

- if I’m changing his diaper and he doesn’t like it
- if I’m in the bathroom when he wakes up from his nap and he needs to wait for me to finish
- if I need to strap him into his car seat when he wants to be unrestrained
- if I need to put him down to take something out of the oven
- if one of my other kids needs my help with something and I can’t hold him
- while he’s waiting for me to make him a bottle
- a million other regular normal life scenarios.

No, this doesn’t mean my baby is neglected and no this doesn’t mean I’m a terrible mother.

Some of you are taking this to an extreme, and I’m saying this as someone who happens to
hold pretty extreme (for our community) anti-babysitter sentiments.

amother

Electricblue

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 7:07 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

Curious how you know to trust her?

With a frum babysitter I don’t have to worry about kidnapping or purposely harming a kid. There have been non Jewish nannies who did do these awful things to kids

amother

Buttercup

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 7:16 pm

I have nanny cameras and my husband and I both work remote sometimes so there is always a parent in the house. I have left her on her own in the house with the babies too but that is not the typical arrangement. Maybe it helps that I grew up in a neighborhood where lots of my peers had nannies so I don’t find it so crazy. Take the necessary precautions. I know an equal amount of ppl with horror stories from Jewish babysitters as with non Jewish babysitters.

amother

Heather

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 7:28 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

1-2 babies. I made peanuts so don't salivate too much.

If you were earning peanuts and sent your baby to a place with 1-2 babies, most of your paycheck must have gone to the babysitter.

Were you then choosing work over your child? That's neglectful.

amother

Tuberose

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 7:30 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

1-2 babies. I made peanuts so don't salivate too much.

So why did you work? No matter how wonderful the babysitter is, mother is still much better. Personally I'm judgmental of women who work and dont need the money, as you seemed not to.