Give me chizzuk for my son

amother

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 11:12 am

My son is 7 years old and in first grade. He is such a good boy, loves Torah and has so much Chen. He has adhd and very very hf ASD. Most ppl have no clue about the latter. We do everything- meds, therapies, in touch with teachers all the time. Etc. But....every time we have to get into a school we go through hell. He gets nervous and jumpy on interviews and gets anxious about doing well for these kriah tests. The menahels always give us mixed messages.

We came from EY (where I also had to fight to get him into school) end of October to oot place where I'm from due to the war in EY. No one wanted to take him. We fought, cried, begged and finally a chabad school took him but we are not chabad. We decided to stay in America for many reasons and move to another oot place. Community yeshivish school. Husband said interview was mixed and he is so nervous about getting in because of our previous experience. My other 2 kids were offered a space on the spot (girl and nursery)

Feel so bad for my son and us. He is doing amazing for him and everyone just wants to write him off....okay I am totally rambling but just looking for chizzuk. I can't take this all the time. He is too high functioning for special Ed school but definitely still not perfect. He got a great report card last week.

Losing my mind today waiting for some rejection or acceptance....

Okay thanks for listening to my rant

Last edited by amother on Wed, Mar 06 2024, 9:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

Peersupport

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 11:36 am

My 8 Year old son has HF ASD and has made amazing progress.
Putting him down a grade has really helped with integrating him socially in a new school.

You seem to be doing all the right things.
Hashem should help you see nachas and everything should go easily iy"h!

mha3484

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 11:39 am

Its so so hard. I have some very very challenging children and their yeshiva is fantastic but I will never move because I don't want to start over again. Your doing great!

My eldest's issues kind of imploded in Nursery so we were already in but we had some HARD years. They didn't kick him out but they were also not always easy to work with. I also found that the menahel was not the easiest to read. I think its part being a man and part personality style but I can really relate. I wonder if you interviewed where I live. If by some random chance your in Chicago feel free to PM.

eta14

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 11:40 am

Peersupport wrote:

We held him back already. So can't do that again but we are trying so hard. I just hate these interviews and being at the mercy of the staff. It's so hard 😞 I feel like all of these yeshivishe schools want robots!

eta14

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 11:45 am

mha3484 wrote:

Not in Chicago. In tri state area but not "in town". Our families are close by and we are BTs so can't do the Lakewood scene. Yes, preschool years were totally brutal I cried like everyday plus covid. It's a miracle we are all here and he is happy. He reads, writes, chooses to learn Torah in his free time
..very innocent type of personality. Always wants to help and has empathy for kids who are less with it, etc. But what can I say? He will always struggle with interviews and he will always need a close eye in school. He isn't a robot. My other kids are just the super easy going happy types, my daughter is like the queen of her class, it's hard to watch him always be the one to struggle a bit.

naomi2

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 12:04 pm

There is a yeshiva for boys exactly like him in flatbush. They have bussing from nearby neighborhoods if you would consider. My son did very well this here and loved school. Before he went there it was a disaster. It's a special education school you would likely need to be American citizens to attend pm me for more information

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 12:17 pm

eta14 wrote:

Hoping this is quoting OP, For OP, please know there are frum schools on East Coast which may be good fits for your son (locations in PA, NJ, NY (not talking Lakewood, you say that won’t work).
If you already looked into any or many but fear the interviews, sometimes schools can observe child at home or at a park, etc (an example because park now is cold), but point us, sometimes a school can see child more than once re: right fit. Good luck.

eta14

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 12:25 pm

amother Firebrick wrote:

We are moving to central Jersey..about 45 mins from Lakewood. I don't want to say exact place bc gd forbid don't want to say anything negative about the schools (bc my other kids need to go there lol)

eta14

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 1:51 pm

Bh!!!!!! After I posted this the menahel called my husband. He said they are going to accept him and work with an agency to help kids on the spectrum, etc. And have had kids in the school lower functioning than him so don't worry it's not a stigma for them. I am so relieved I said out loud thank you Hashem. Thanks ladies for helping me just get these thoughts out. Parenting can be so hard sometimes.

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 2:07 pm

I'm so happy for you! I'm sure you feel like a ten pound weight has come off your chest. My 8 year old is currently without a school because he has special needs and we can't find a school that will take him. It's so heartbreaking and I'm so tired of pushing. He's in public school rn and doing amazing but not having him in a frum environment is the hardest part. He's such a aidel, lovely boy who goes to shul on shabbos and sings beaches. But he cries that he has no friends because he doesn't hang out with kids from school. This is honestly the hardest part of parenting so far. We're just waiting for our turn for a neis.

eta14

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 2:10 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

That breaks my heart to pieces. Where are you located? Someone here mentioned a school in Brooklyn that sounds amazing. Idk what his issues are. It's so hard. I'm just going to daven it all works out well. No one prepares you for this in kallah classes!!!

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 2:15 pm

eta14 wrote:

We're oot, tri-state area. He has super specific issues and where we live, he's too high functioning for some places and not ready to mainstream yet so we're a rock, meeting a hard place. Super disheartening and I will fully admit I was not prepared to parent a special needs child so I have no idea what I'm doing. I just keep pushing to find him a spot somewhere so we don't undo all of his progress and make him feel less than.

eta14

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 3:05 pm

amother Stonewash wrote:

Not prepared AT ALL and when we got an ASD diagnosis (mind you everyone swore up and down in E"Y he didn't have it including many drs, only one actually thought about it) I finally felt validated! Idk where you live but there is a place called TIDE in philly. It didn't work for my son but maybe it could for yours!

ThisMom

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 1:57 pm

eta14 wrote:

It’s really hard to remember in the thick of things but you’re not at they’re mercy unless you look at it that way. They’re just shlichim. I’m happy your son got in! Remember, you’re only at Hashem’s mercy ever and direct your anger/frustration/tefilla/hope in Him. The staff can’t truly accept or reject anyone unless Hashem specifically wants that. A store clerk can’t actually delay your schedule etc. Hashem is orchestrating every tiny step and anyone in the process just volunteered for the job. (This doesn’t patur anyone for their actions).