Daughter rejected every time

amother

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:28 pm

My daughter enjoys singing. She keeps trying out for choirs and is rejected every time ( camp, school, professional ). I thought about it a lot, she carries a tune, sings nicely, she’s not the voice that you stop and say wow and she is timid so she doesn’t sing super loud or powerful by tryouts.

I’ve encouraged pursuing her other talents. She has, and she’s gone to semi professional singing classes, she’s gone to other classes. But she’s set on being in choirs.

Do I just stay out of it and let her keep trying and feeling bad about being rejected every time? Do I say she can’t try out anymore and she has to face the fact they want a different type of voice? I don’t know where to go from here.

( truthfully it’s not singing, it’s a different talent if it matters )

amother

Caramel

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:33 pm

Is what it really is also group performance based? And is it a talent that is possible for her to use without that type of environment (other than the equivalent of singing in her room)?

Realistically, if the rejections are taking a negative toll on her and influencing the rest of her life, that's a problem. But if not, what's wrong with her still trying out?

mom37

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:34 pm

I think it’s nice she keeps trying out even though she keeps facing rejection. That shows a lot of resilience! I wouldn’t talk her out of trying. Better to try and fail than not try at all in my humble opinion.

amother

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:35 pm

It’s not ruining life. She feels hurt. I’m worried it’s going to impact her self esteem if it hasn’t already. She’s very confident and doing well. Not sure if it’s bothering me more than it should or if it’s damaging for her.

In camp and school they put her in something else. She made the best of it. But kept saying she wishes she was in choir.

amother

Brass

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

Can you get her singing lessons? Very impressive she keeps trying!

Golde

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:46 pm

I don't know how old your dd is, but generally I don't think we're doing our children any favours by removing disappointment or even failure from their life. Learning coping mechanisms, how to be disappointed, even devastated, and then move on, or not give up but retry, all in a safe environment (your home) only fosters resilience. It should be useful in her life. Of course only if she at the same time experiences mastery in other areas.

JasmineDragon

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:47 pm

I don't think you should discourage her from continuing to try out if she still wants to. I think it would hurt her self esteem more to have her mother say that she doesn't believe in her than to continue getting rejected by organizations.

mom37

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:47 pm

Plenty of very successful people faced rejection many times before they found success. I think it’s great she wants to keep going for it. Sounds like she’s confident, resilient and driven! I like the idea of singing lessons to help her get there if possible.

amother

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:58 pm

Thanks for the perspective. Maybe I was just projecting my fears of rejection on her. I tried to raise her different with positive messages and I’m awed by her confidence and resilience. I just needed the confidence that I was doing the right thing by not getting involved and just letting her do her thing.

amother

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 2:59 pm

And I will look into training to help her pursue this path

chanatron1000

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 3:04 pm

If she sings well but is too shy, maybe she should try recording some songs in a studio. If she's really just shy at auditions but would project more once she's part of the choir, the studio recording experience might help her.

Chayalle

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 3:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

So basically you are saying there's a talent out there your daughter enjoys. It's not singing, it's not choir, but you are using that as a metaphor (I'm not sure why you can't just come out and say what it is, but ok). Your daughter didn't get in, and she keeps trying out.

I would think you stay out of it, you don't try to control your daughter's choices, and let her try out if she wants to. Also, let her find opportunities where she can enjoy this talent that don't require auditions and "getting in". Let her have lessons, join groups, etc....without the pressure. Why the need to perform? But if she's set on performing, let her try out if that's what she wants. Who knows maybe one day she will get in.

My daughter loves acting (she's quite the drama queen) and didn't get into Drama last year, but this year she did. I was actually quite surprised (just because that's an area where many girls try out and few get in, so I never expected her to make it.) I'm glad I didn't stop her from trying out - imagine if I did. But to be honest when I had to drive her to tryouts and wait for her, I was sort of rolling my eyes.....

amother

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 3:07 pm

She specifically wants to perform. That’s what she enjoys most.

chanatron1000

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 3:10 pm

She doesn't have to get into an existing choir to perform. She can form her own group. It won't be the same as a more established choir, but it's an option.

Chayalle

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 3:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

She specifically wants to perform. That’s what she enjoys most.

So let her try out. And be there to cheer her up if she doesn't get in. Maybe one day she will! Meanwhile, there's fun in trying out, too.

amother

Caramel

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 3:12 pm

How old is she? There may be a class she can join that has a performance at the end and is open to all. It may not fulfill that need of having gotten in to something that requires recognition of skill, but it's still performing.

If this is dance, it can be really hard when someone doesn't project confidence and doesn't have full follow through on moves. But that can be gained along the way.

Bnei Berak 10

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 3:35 pm

How old is she?

#BestBubby

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 3:39 pm

Maybe DD and a couple of friends can make their own choir and sing for nursing homes and hospitals.

Or offer to entertain at daycamps.

amother

Seashell

Wed, Mar 06 2024, 5:19 pm

My friends kid really wanted to get into something and got rejected. Honestly she threw a big fit, tears and all and it was arranged as a pity part that she be in. Few years later she was running it.