TIP for tutors: Update pg 2

amother

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 5:56 pm

UPDATE PG 2:
I'm a reading specialist who works 1:1 with students in school. I usually get tipped by most parents chanukah and purim time. This year I did not get even 1 tip chanukah. I was doing amazing work and parents and the school were happy with me afaik. But it really hurt. Please, send your child's therapist SOMETHING, even a thank you card to show your appreciation. I have a family, I work very hard, financially I'm basically ok, but I felt unappreciated. I'm done. Very Happy

ETA: The parents don't pay me. I get paid through the DOE

UQT

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:07 pm

I do feel that if I’m paying privately for each session I don’t need to tip per se. I don’t tip the shaitel macher for doing my shaitel bec I’m paying her directly. I do tip waiters bec I’m not paying them directly. Not I do pay Morah’s directly. But my kids reading tutor is charged to my credit card each week so I feel she’s getting paid directly by me.
Not that I don’t appreciate your work. I greatly do! And I may send my standard mishlaoch manos if she sends her address and my daughter wants to go. But that’s the thought process behind it.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:29 pm

What type of tutor are you that you get paid so little that you think you need tips?I've paid my children's tutor between $65 and $150 for a session, I'm sorry but a tip is not necessary. I will usually send a mishloach manos but a mm is not necessary either. The fact that I am willing to pay and pay on time shows enough appreciation. I am happy to tip teachers, rebbis, bus drivers, bus monitors because they are underpaid.

amother

Magenta

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:31 pm

I'm a therapist too who gets paid privately and I hate hate hate when parents feel like they have to give a tip...it always makes me feel so awkward. I totally agree- I don't tip my sheitel macher and I don't get tips when I get paid nicely per session. If they feel so grateful and they get a gift, I don't feel the same way, but no money.

amother

Bluebell

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:33 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

[quote]

I'm assuming OP is not paid by the parents but through Department of Education funding.
Many of these tutors/therapists are underpaid as well and have a workload and responsibilities equal to teachers.
I tip my kids tutors/therapists the same as teachers/rebbeim. I can't afford much so I give an $18 check to everyone, along with a nice card.

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:37 pm

[quote="amother Bluebell"]

Quote:

I'm assuming OP is not paid by the parents but through Department of Education funding.
Many of these tutors/therapists are underpaid as well and have a workload and responsibilities equal to teachers.
I tip my kids tutors/therapists the same as teachers/rebbeim. I can't afford much so I give an $18 check to everyone, along with a nice card.

OK, I didn't realize that, thank you for explaining.

amother

DarkMagenta

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm a reading specialist who works 1:1 with students in school. I usually get tipped by most parents chanukah and purim time. This year I did not get even 1 tip chanukah. I was doing amazing work and parents and the school were happy with me afaik. But it really hurt. Please, send your child's therapist SOMETHING, even a thank you card to show your appreciation. I have a family, I work very hard, financially I'm basically ok, but I felt unappreciated. I'm done. Very Happy

I think it's weird to ask for tips. Many jobs don't get tips. I don't get tips. I work because I need the paycheck. Yes it's nice to be appreciated, but that doesn't always happen.

amother

Raspberry

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:48 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

The bolded is actually halacha, you're not doing her a favor by paying on time, you're supposed to! Wink

The fact that a lot of ppl don't, doesn't make it optional!
Sorry for pointing it out, it jumped at me!

amother

Bluebell

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:51 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I’d love to send you mm but I have no idea what your name is because you never called me or even sent home a progress note

My kids' therapists/tutors always call in the beginning of the year to introduce themselves. During the year, some keep in touch with me and some don't. Either way, I fargin them and send them MM. I know they work hard and have a lot of responsibilities.

Does your child know her name, like Morah x? And honestly you can send even if you don't know her name.

zaq

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 6:53 pm

According to American tipping etiquette, one does not tip a business owner or a professional. You don't tip the owner of a salon even if she does your hair or nails; you tip her employee who washes your hair or does your nails or whatever. You don't tip the owner of a restaurant; you tip the waiter.*

If you are paying a tutor or therapist, you don't tip them. American etiquette frowns upon tipping therapists or tutors or teachers, period, regardless of who pays them, because they are considered professionals, and because tipping implies a social inequality. There's an element of Condescension there: "Here you are, my good man; buy yourself something nice."

The term "tipping" shouldn't be used at all when it comes to school personnel unless you're talking about the custodian. "Gift of appreciation" would be far better, even if "bribe" would in many cases be more accurate.

*Please do tip waiters, hairdressers, hotel housekeepers, delivery people and so on, because they are usually paid less than minimum wage. According to some strange and antiquated labor laws, which activists are trying to change, people in these occupations get tipped, so the employer is allowed to pay them less than minimum wage under the assumption that tips will make up the difference. Employers are supposed to make up the shortfall if the wage plus tips comes out to less than minimum wage, but they seldom , if ever, do so.

amother

RosePink

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:04 pm

Honestly, I lose track of the different women who pull out my kids. They don't have a specialized tutor, but some get pulled out in a group for reading, kriah or speech. Some of them call me, and some don't.
I apologize if I don't tip you. I have knh a lot of outside therapists and regular teachers that I'm also in touch with.

But you are right. I will iyh try to acknowledge more staff this purim.

amother

Wheat

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:10 pm

I generally do not give tips for chanuka. I contribute to the joint gift that the class mothers collect but nothing more than that.

growing up my mom never tipped anyone. so I'm becoming more aware every day.
also, last year purim, my DD's math tutor gave her MM. I felt so bad!! it literally didn't dawn on me to even send MM. she goes to tutor twice a week for about 20 min with a group of 4. she tells me many times that they miss, or the tutor is absent. and I never hear from them (BH) It just never crossed my mind to send them anything.

I made a mental note that this year I will iyh send MM and maybe even a small check. because I really do appreciate what she does for my child. but it never dawned on me to send them a gift for chanuka! maybe next year...

amother

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:10 pm

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

I think it's weird to ask for tips. Many jobs don't get tips. I don't get tips. I work because I need the paycheck. Yes it's nice to be appreciated, but that doesn't always happen.

Many jobs don't get tips. These type of jobs generally do. And bh I usually do get tips... It makes sense that people would forget. I'm asking people to remember. And I'm not asking for $ if you can't afford it. You can send your homemade chocolate cake or a thank you card. Show your appreciation for our hard work...

amother

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 7:12 pm

flowerpower wrote:

I’d love to send you mm but I have no idea what your name is because you never called me or even sent home a progress note

LOL! I call to introduce myself at the beginning of the year. Send home notes frequently and call every 4-6 weeks. All my students' mothers have my number too and they use it very often as I'm always glad to help with any school related matter.

flowerpower

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 8:33 am

amother OP wrote:

That is impressive. If that were the case then you should definitely get some mm. I would send something for sure. Dd 2 therapists never called. I don’t know their names or dd progress. I wish I’d get a call or note or something….

amother

Bluebell

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 8:40 am

flowerpower wrote:

Why don't you reach out to them yourself? You can send a note with dd. Or you can call the school office and ask then to give a message to the therapist to call you back.

I don't blame the therapists. Many of them have very large caseloads (more students than teachers do) and have a ton of prep work and paperwork. If the parent wants the contact they can make the effort to touch base.

flowerpower

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 8:43 am

amother Bluebell wrote:

They can take 5 minutes from the kids session to call or write a note 2x a year. Busy doesn’t cut it. Not an excuse. I made sure to write a 30 second update after each session.