Sleepover and videos

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:12 am

Dd 8 has a friend sleeping over. The friend has spent the entire night begging me if she could watch videos on my phone or computer. My kids very rarely watch. Tonight I told the friend that I'm using my phone my dh is using the computer. The friend still didn't give it up. She kept asking me and my dd. At around midnight my dd comes in my room and very sadly tells me that her friend told her that if I don't let her watch a video she'll never come over again. I really don't know how to handle this cause my dd really really needs friends. Are there any jewish videos they can watch on YouTube?? Should I not give in?

amother

Thistle

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:49 am

Sounds like a manipulative little brat.
I would not give in.
My kids do get screen time but not when they have friends over. Just say no! Nicely but firmly. Don’t make excuses about who’s using what. “We don’t watch videos when friends are over. It’s much more fun to play together.” And suggest an exciting activity.

groovy1224

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:59 am

Absolutely do not give in. That's actually very concerning behavior from this child.

I'm sure this must be so hard, especially since you really wanted this sleepover to go well but this is a real teachable moment for your daughter. She doesn't need a friend like that. And if you have a rule/standard in your home you don't change it because of a whiny guest.

myname1

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 3:26 am

Even if your dd needs friends, I don't think you want this friendship to go very far. I definitely don't think you should give in. You said your kids rarely watch anything. Are there no families similar with a dd in your dd's class? Is your dd new to the class? Has this girl come over before and played normally? Maybe it's her expectation that a sleepover comes with videos? Has your dd been to or had other sleep overs? If it's the norm you can plan to show them something next time, with a different kid. Either way, this does not strike me as a great friend.

amother

Chicory

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 4:42 am

I say this as someone who lets my kids have screen time in amounts that would probably horrify most of the posters here: there is something very off with this child. My kids have a hard enough asking for a snack at a friend's house, it wouldn't even occur to them to ask another child's parent for screen time. And we don't allow it during play dates at our home too, unless it's a planned movie watch party. Fine, she doesn't have to come again. Don't threaten me with a good time lol.

amother

Honeysuckle

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 6:44 am

amother OP wrote:

Please don't give in. Next time, call the parents to come pick up their kid.
And don't give excuses to the child, just say that we are not watching now.

amother

Sunflower

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 6:50 am

Do not give in! You do not want your child having friends with such bad middos. It will be better for you all if she never came over again. I’d go in there and confront her threat. And tell her she’s not welcome here again if she can’t respect your no watching policies.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 8:48 am

The ultimatum to your daughter is more of a red flag. But could just be impulsive big feelings. Does this kid get tons of screen time and become anxious without it? Or it could be the opposite. A kid who never gets screen time and was looking forward to this sleepover because somehow she was under the impression that your house was an opportunity.

Whining and demands from a child guest are annoying, but not necessarily an indicator of deep-seated bad middos. Some children need to be taught manners very explicitly and they don't pick up on it naturally or from hints, but their parents may not realize that there is this skill gap. I host a lot and most children don't behave this way, but some do, and I think they're just immature and untrained.

IME, with the whiny demanding kids, you have to be uncomfortably direct and firm. When such a child asks to watch a video and you say that your devices are in use, she hears that there's temporary obstacle, but maybe the device will be available soon.

I would say something like "No, we do not watch videos here during sleepovers." If she asked again, I would repeat that they cannot, and say slowly, with eye contact, "Please do not ask me about watching a video again." If there is another ask anyway, you can say something like, "We are not going to be watching a video. Do you want to stay and play something else, or would you prefer to go home?" Slowly, with lots of eye contact.

amother

Anemone

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 8:54 am

What the heck?

under my roof under my rules

where does lil stinker have the gall to demand video watching in someone's house.

What held u back from putting your foot down from the first moment. "in this house we find creative fun ways to keep busy without screens, so no video watching, sorry!". next case.

I have kids that age goingall the way up to 18 y o. get a backbone and be proud of your parenting boundaries asap

kenz

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 9:29 am

Calm down, people. My daughter had a friend who did the same thing. She wasn’t in need of major psychological help, she just wanted to watch a video and thought if she pushed I would give in. What I did was call the mom and ask her what to tell her daughter because we don’t do a lot of screen time and definitely not when friends were over, but her daughter wasn’t letting up. The mom spoke to the girl on the phone and that was the end of that. Problem solved.