Kallah teacher that does not charge

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 11:43 am

A kallah teacher who does not charge a dime. Is it appropriate to give her a gift? If money is super super limited and it's a chessed wedding basically?

If yes, does the answer change if this is a second time around kallah and it's just 2 2-hour refresher sessions?

What is the right thing to do? If she is not given a gift, is that rude?

For context, the wedding is coming up shortly. Other kallahs she's taught did not give her anything (I asked them).

amother

Dahlia

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 11:46 am

If other kallahs did not give I think it is understable not to give in this situation. She seems like a special woman.

isrmss91

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 12:04 pm

Out of appreciation, maybe a box of chocolates/flowers and a card saying "Thank You".

notshanarishona

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 12:05 pm

I would definitely give something, just as a basic gesture of appreciation even if money is tight.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 12:49 pm

I was in this situation many years ago, except I was a first time kallah, I bought some small gift- cannot remember what , and wrapped it up, wrote a nice thank you card and gave both together with my invitation.

amother

Dandelion

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 2:44 pm

You can skip the gift but don't skip the card

zaq

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 3:26 pm

At the very very least, she should get an effusive thank-you note thanking her for very specific things, not just a generic "thank you so much for all you have done for me" but add "thank you for your patience with my endless questions/ clear explanations of complicated ideas/willingness to work the class schedule around my availability/ reassurance in the face of my nervousness/handling a delicate topic with good humor/ thoughtful provision of tea and cookies after class" or whatever special things she did that impressed you. A small token gift of appreciation would not be INappropriate if the kallah can swing it. Just because other kallahs were not so etiquette-savvy doesn't mean you shouldn't be. It needn't be anything big or expensive.

ETA: Whoops major typo, a small token would not be INappropriate, rather, it would be very appropriate. Sorry about that.

Last edited by zaq on Wed, Mar 13 2024, 7:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Babypink

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 3:27 pm

Definitely give a gift, according to what you can afford.

amother

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 8:02 am

Thank you all

amother

Clear

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 8:28 am

Are you sure she wouldn't take money even though she doesn't "charge"? Sometimes they don't feel comfortable charging because it's holy work but really would appreciate voluntary payment.

amother

Thu, Mar 14 2024, 8:31 am

amother Clear wrote:

Are you sure she wouldn't take money even though she doesn't "charge"? Sometimes they don't feel comfortable charging because it's holy work but really would appreciate voluntary payment.

She does not take money.

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