Really struggling with Mommying

rachel0615

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 9:03 am

I BH am blessed with 2 children, a 5.5 year old girl and an almost 2 year old boy. Lately my daughter has been so challenging. Any time I say no to something, even when I explain my reasoning, results in a huge reaction from her. Ie, her saying she will never talk to me again, crying and screaming, saying she wants me out of her family, etc. For example, I told her I did not have time to cut up an orange for her this morning and she said she will never talk to me in a million years. When I ignored and did not react, she went to my husband repeating what she said and he reprimanded her. I am a pre1A teacher and just so at a loss! I know this age, I know they are testing boundaries and benefit from firm structure but also being brought into the thought process behind rules and decisions. I try to validate the feeling she is communicating, praise her when she is making a good choice. She internalizes it because when she does do something good, she will say, "see Mommy, I am turning my day around!" but then the next time I say no, she freaks out again. I know I am her safe place, and she is testing testing but it is EXHAUSTING and I feel like it is beyond the norm.

My son has until this point been such a happy go lucky little boy. Lately, he has been following me around the house crying and screaming. I try to give him the language to communicate what he wants, show him different options ie show him his bottle and say do you want baba and then take out a bar and say or a snack to eat? Often he will take a drink or bite and then just continue screaming and crying.

I just feel like crying. I don't know how to meet their needs. I want my house to have happy kids and am just at a complete loss!

amother

cornflower

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 9:36 am

Where is your dd learning this language?

You also seem to take what they say very personally. Truth is with parenting, we cannot take what our kids say to heart. She's expressing her emotions in a way she knows how, our job as parents is firstly to not allow ourselves to take offense- the less emotional your response the better. I'm sure others can explain this better.

Re the last part, who says you aren't meeting their needs? Kids have their own personalities & some will whine, complain & cry even when you did everything right. It may help to actively listen & nod etc while not adding to the emotion.

mummiedearest

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 9:40 am

Happiness is a temporary emotion. We can’t make our kids happy all the time, nor should we! You’re right, they’re testing you. Your kids are not unusual. Continue ignoring or at least showing no emotion. Your daughter will get the idea soon enough. It’s great that your dh has your back.

One of my kids used to complain that I didn’t make her happy when she was sad. My response was that that’s not my job. My job is to make her a functional, likeable adult. That process includes allowing kids to be unhappy at times. It’s good for them. Sounds like you’re doing quite well with your dd, you just need some confidence.

Re: two year old- if you try to constantly help him communicate, he will learn that screaming keeps your attention. Do your best to think of what he wants. Present him with that solution. Then tell him that if he wants the drink/snack, you’ll be in the kitchen (or wherever) waiting for him to ask for it. He can scream in x room until he’s ready to talk. There are other ways to handle tantrums, but it sounds like you get emotionally wrapped up in the screams. Removing yourself will help. This stage lasts a while, and it is completely normal. If you feel that he’s flipped a switch too quickly and is suddenly not himself in other ways as well, look into his childcare situation. He’s too young to tell you if something is bothering him outside the house.

tichellady

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 10:19 am

My kids are the same age and it’s really hard. My mom was visiting for the weekend and actually took a walk because she told me she needed a break from all their crying and complaining. I think these are just hard ages. It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. I like to listen to Dr Becky’s podcast when I need a parenting boost. I always finish the podcast feeling calmer

amother

Mocha

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 12:10 pm

Think the 2 year old is starting to mimic some of the 5 year olds reactions?

(Btw I totally get it. No matter how many times I tell myself not to take it personally, to tune it out, etc I just can’t stand that fussing and complaining! Like nails on a chalkboard). And yes I feel bad even though I don’t want to or can’t give in.