Help me with rules

amother

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 10:43 pm

I am grateful to say that, for so many years of being a parent, I never had to punish my children. They are good-natured, and overall always listened to me. If I said no, they would listen. There was never really a power struggle.

Bh I have been a mother for many many years I now have a child bh who is wonderful, but very very stubborn, and when this child gets in a mood, she cannot hear the answer no. It hit me tonight, because of her strong personality I always give in to her, which I know is terrible, but it saves so much Agmas nefesh. I realized tonight that even though I have been a mother for so long, I don’t know how to give consequences fairly because I then the child will kick and scream and I just feel bad and also simply don’t want to hear/deal with the screaming.

But it’s totally not OK. My kids have to know that when I say no I stick to my word and I can just get whatever they want.

I grew up in a very quiet house. I was a good kid. I never needed to be punished when I was told no I listened so I don’t have experience from what my parents would’ve done to me as a child.

So, please help me teach me.!!

amother

Watermelon

Mon, Mar 18 2024, 10:52 pm

You don't need rules, you need to KNOW that you can say NO. That's all. It will be challenging but make it clear that you will not change your mind. And use your NOs sparingly so you can stick to your guns. I personally watched a family go for raising a bunch of spoiled _ _ _ _ _ to becoming a family with boundaries. They learned had to say no and their kids learned to listen. They are warm loving people but they realized that the lack of boundaries their children had was impacting them negatively in many areas. I do think Rabbi Brezak was a big influence and his approach is excellent.