I just want a heter for minor fasts!!!

amother

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 11:44 am

I'm not nursing and I don't think I'm pregnant. But I'm a mother of young children who are home all day on fast days. I can't survive. I can't just hibernate in my room and sleep to cope.

DH asked our Rav and all he said was, "She should try to fast. She should take it easy" There is no taking it easy!! Yeah, I'm not taking them on a field trip today, but staying home with littles and taking it easy are incompatible.

amother

Ebony

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 11:53 am

I'm ashamed to say... I didn't ask a rov but I broke the fast to eat something. I have 2 kids under 3 and I'm working from home while they're out of school/babysitter, so it's hectic here today... .

I feel terrible but I broke my fast. I had to take medicine this morning so I drank water... And then ate something else.

I have SUCH a guilty conscience and wish I didn't, because I didn't ask and probably would have been told to fast since I'm not nursing or pregnant.

I hate feeling guilty like this 😳😳

amother

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 11:56 am

amother Ebony wrote:

I'm in a very similar circumstance. Also kids under 3 and working from home. It's totally dysfunctional. I rely on food and coffee to function even when I'm not supervising them all day.

I'm sticking it out because I asked and that was the answer. But really I feel like it is tone deaf. Yeah if it was shiva asar b'teves and not a nidche I would be more accepting. But it's taanis esther and a nidche!!!

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:02 pm

First of all OP good for you for following what your Rav said! It’s a huge zchus! A lot of people on here will probably try to convince you that you don’t have to, but you asked a shaila and stuck to the answer even though you thick it’s wrong, that’s really incredible!

Second of all, did you speak to the Rav yourself? Sometimes husbands are not the best to ask these shailos…

And thirdly, it could be this Rav doesn’t really understand what it means to have young kids like that, it’s totally ok to ask a Rav you feel will understand you next time.

amother

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:07 pm

amother Nasturtium wrote:

I have 2 kids under 5, I asked a rav he said no need to fast past chatzos.

This is exactly the psak I was hoping for.

BatZion

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:07 pm

At times like this I just want to be like I'll give you a psak. There are Rabbis who say women of child-bearing age shouldn't be fasting minor fasts. This is the psak I received years ago. I know I can't hand out that psak but I find it so hard to understand this whole shtick or some say this, some say that.

amother

Vanilla

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:08 pm

I am at work now (yes I use my break on imamother Smile

) I feel like I cant use the little kid excuse while im here
but I will be fasting until chatzos becuase I will not be functional with a 1 and half year old and 2 and half year old from 3pm and on while fasting.

amother

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:09 pm

amother Mistyrose wrote:

I didn't speak with him directly. It was my husband who asked. I definitely think things get lost, but how lost really? If you ever had children, you will understand how difficult it is to care for them while not eating. Perhaps I'll reach out directly next time. I still feel it's a wild psak for this fast.

amother

Clear

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:10 pm

I don't fast minor fasts anymore even though my youngest is over 3 (SIF). I become a hangry monster mommy when I'm fasting, my kids shouldn't suffer because of me. I'm also 28 days post 2nd trimester miscarriage, which I'm guessing might count for something...

amother

Hunter

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:17 pm

My Israeli charedi friend said she asked her rav because she's not pregnant or nursing. Rav said if you're asking then that means you shouldn't be fasting.

amother

Wallflower

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm sticking it out because I asked and that was the answer. But really I feel like it is tone deaf. Yeah if it was shiva asar b'teves and not a nidche I would be more accepting. But it's taanis esther and a nidche!!!

The lack of food and drink is affecting your mind. 17 teves isn't a fast day. Mental confusion can be a sign of dehydration, in which case, methinks you need to drink something, stat.
That's my Purim Torah for today.

amother

Ebony

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:34 pm

amother Nasturtium wrote:

I have 2 kids under 5, I asked a rav he said no need to fast past chatzos.

I wish I would have asked... And listened.

Oh the guilt I feel for eating today! ן

amother

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:37 pm

amother Wallflower wrote:

OMG

K that's really too funny. Serious mental confusion. Or maybe it's just rage? lol

amother

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:39 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

I wish I would have asked... And listened.

Oh the guilt I feel for eating today! ן

What's done is done Ebony. Let go of the guilt that's haunting you. I totally get where you are coming from. The guilt is real!!

There are clearly many halachik authorities that are totally fine with women not fasting minor fasts and even more so, today is a nidche!

amother

Petunia

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:51 pm

First and foremost- guilt is the YETZER HARA!!
Either you did or didn’t do something, but guilt has NO place in Yiddishkeit. NONE!
Sorry for yelling, I’m very passionate about that!
If you think what you did was wrong, you do teshuva. If it was right, then NO GUILT! That’s it

Second- most rabbanim hold that for a minor fast, especially a nidche, a woman doesn’t have to fast. Maybe talk to the rav yourself so you can both give over the message clearly and hear the psak yourself
My very very litvishe mother with a very very chumradik rav never fasted with young children (I think 6 and under)
I am lucky to have married heimish, and I don’t fast any minor fasts even when not nursing or pregnant

amother

DarkCyan

Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

The Ravs response sounds like there’s a lot of room for a heter. Definitely speak to him yourself to explain you’re circumstances or write down details for dh to share next time so you can get clearer guidelines.
I would not assume he knows how difficult it is for you, maybe his wife and his mother aren’t bothered by fasting or they just don’t complain to him about it.