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-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
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amother
OP
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 Fri, Mar 22 2024, 12:21 am
DS age 2 has a very painful diaper rash and seems to also have some diarrhea today and yesterday evening. DH had to hold him on the changing table - he was writhing and flailing and screaming in pain as I cleaned him off (I tried to be as gentle as possible, dabbing instead of wiping, getting the wipes wet in lukewarm water to loosen up the teeny little black feces pieces, etc) but I am worried that he thinks I hurt him on purpose c”v. I was apologizing left and right the whole time and telling him I was cleaning him to help his tushy feel better. We had already given him a bath baking soda, which has helped calm down the rash in the past. I don’t know if this is irrational, but I’m really afraid that he might think that I was trying to hurt him chalilah because even when he was begging me to stop I couldn’t because of course I had to clean him properly. I gave him lots of cuddles and sang to him afterwards. I tried to end off bedtime on a good note but he was upset that I was putting him to bed after doing the bedtime routine a second time and because the baby started crying and needed to be fed.
Poor little guy. Am I completely overthinking it about being worried about this causing him to trust me less?
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DrMom
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 12:24 am
| amother OP wrote: |
Am I completely overthinking it about being worried about this causing him to trust me less? |
Yes
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amother
Yellow
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 12:24 am
Yes your are overthinking it.
Perhaps speak to someone about your anxiety as well
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amother
Quince
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 12:25 am
It's okay. This is part of a relationship. That there are hard moments but we recover.
DS will forgive you. You can talk about it again, and tell him how happy you are that his rash is getting better. You can tell him before a diaper change that he isn't dirty so you won't need to wipe him.
Hugs OP! Doing painful things to our own children, even for their good, is so heartwrenching.
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Sebastian
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 12:26 am
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You are overthinking it. I doubt he remembered once the diaper change was over
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tichellady
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 1:38 am
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Lots of things are like this with kids and it’s very hard. Shots, forcing medication, tackling a toddler into a car seat, come to mind right away but there are many other times when it has come up for me and I have to remind myself that this is in the best interest of the child. Hope the rash goes away!
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amother
Tangerine
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 1:47 am
| amother OP wrote: |
DS age 2 has a very painful diaper rash and seems to also have some diarrhea today and yesterday evening. DH had to hold him on the changing table - he was writhing and flailing and screaming in pain as I cleaned him off (I tried to be as gentle as possible, dabbing instead of wiping, getting the wipes wet in lukewarm water to loosen up the teeny little black feces pieces, etc) but I am worried that he thinks I hurt him on purpose c”v. I was apologizing left and right the whole time and telling him I was cleaning him to help his tushy feel better. We had already given him a bath baking soda, which has helped calm down the rash in the past. I don’t know if this is irrational, but I’m really afraid that he might think that I was trying to hurt him chalilah because even when he was begging me to stop I couldn’t because of course I had to clean him properly. I gave him lots of cuddles and sang to him afterwards. I tried to end off bedtime on a good note but he was upset that I was putting him to bed after doing the bedtime routine a second time and because the baby started crying and needed to be fed.
Poor little guy. Am I completely overthinking it about being worried about this causing him to trust me less? | not sure from your post, were you using dry wipes and made it wet? or fresh wipes which are already wet and only made it warmer and more wet? because fresh wipes really stings since it has some soap or whatever on it.
Btw, what I do sometimes, after wiping off the bulk of it, I apply rash cream and put on a new diaper. The cream soothes the pian and it loosens the harder dirty pieces and after 10 minutes I just wipe it off with a dry wipe that I made moist. All the dirt comes off super easily without any pressure. And the cream also feels soothing.
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amother
Blushpink
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 2:38 am
part of being a parent is doing things in your child's best interest which might distress or even physically hurt them.
Like forcing essential medicines into them. Or cleaning an injury filled with dirt.
Next time maybe hold him under a shower and let the water clean him (obviously need to clean the shower after) and then pat dry and barrier cream. Quick and less painful than wet wiping.
You are being a great mom.
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kneidelmeidel
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 3:45 am
| amother OP wrote: |
DS age 2 has a very painful diaper rash and seems to also have some diarrhea today and yesterday evening. DH had to hold him on the changing table - he was writhing and flailing and screaming in pain as I cleaned him off (I tried to be as gentle as possible, dabbing instead of wiping, getting the wipes wet in lukewarm water to loosen up the teeny little black feces pieces, etc) but I am worried that he thinks I hurt him on purpose c”v. I was apologizing left and right the whole time and telling him I was cleaning him to help his tushy feel better. We had already given him a bath baking soda, which has helped calm down the rash in the past. I don’t know if this is irrational, but I’m really afraid that he might think that I was trying to hurt him chalilah because even when he was begging me to stop I couldn’t because of course I had to clean him properly. I gave him lots of cuddles and sang to him afterwards. I tried to end off bedtime on a good note but he was upset that I was putting him to bed after doing the bedtime routine a second time and because the baby started crying and needed to be fed.
Poor little guy. Am I completely overthinking it about being worried about this causing him to trust me less? |
You’re a great, caring Mama! Kids forgive and forget much more readily than adults, they’re also very resilient little things❤️
Side note: A paediatrician advised this for my baby’s severe nappy rash, and it’s almost completely gone after two days:
1. No soap in the bath
2. Leave nappy off a couple minutes a day
3. Don’t use wipes- give them a rinse off under shower/ half bath
4. Slather on sudocrem
I’m amazed how quickly this helped!
Sending you and baba love!
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amother
Caramel
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 4:31 am
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Next time sit him in the bathroom sink half full...let him soak for 10 min. Better for the rash anyway to soak. . Don't wipe.
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imasinger
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 4:53 am
| amother Caramel wrote: | | Next time sit him in the bathroom sink half full...let him soak for 10 min. Better for the rash anyway to soak. . Don't wipe. |
This.
About your relationship -- I'm curious, how do you feel about your own parents? Unless there was other abuse going on, children generally don't remember the occasional pain, they remember the love.
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amother
Babyblue
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 5:40 am
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DD2.5 had this recently and while I changed her I told her I'm cleaning it because I want the boo boos to get better. I think she understood on some level. She is obsessed with the cream. The cream is to make it hurt less.
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amother
NeonYellow
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 6:26 am
You’re overthinking
Also can I assume it’s likely a fungal rash or one from citrus (think orange juice or oranges).
Also can use cold wet towel next time.
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wanttobehappy
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 6:42 am
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Please use warm wet towel paper wipes have alcohol. It stings. Let him go without a pamper a bit. Using a blow dryer on low helped.Dr Diamond in bp has a compound that was magic. He knows I love him and. Care for him
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amother
Lightgreen
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 7:38 am
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I think the fact that you kept apologizing made it worse. Kids are way more forgiving, this won’t ruin your relationship with him. I promise!
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Tzutzie
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 7:51 am
| Sebastian wrote: | | You are overthinking it. I doubt he remembered once the diaper change was over |
That is entirely not true. Cistern remember. They aren't newborns. But they don't hold it against you. Op you're son loves you! He'll be ok.
My 1.5 yo had shigella around 4-5 months ago. It was the nastiest persistent diaper rash. Even with a steroid/anifungal/antibacterial/zinc/barrier cream mix, it took a week to heal.
She still gets anxious when she has a dirty diaper! But I reassure her. And she brings me the "keem" (cream) every time.
But I don't think our relationship is ruined in any way.
I validated her, I told her it's to help the booboo heal. And once it was over I huge and held her and told her her booboo will heal very soon. She totally is still obsessed with me. (And new with her!)
Pain is a part of life. And unfortunately, children don't her a free pass. But they are resilient. They will get over it.
I know eventually me kid won't be in diapers and then all the anxiety around diaper changes will be gone.
Triple paste ot desitin extra strength with miracle clay spowder is amazing.
Also, every 2 hours a 1/2-1/2 capsule of miracle clay in a bottle help balance out the diaharrea acidity. That was what helped her craft it away. (And in my daughters case abx too)
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amother
Yarrow
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 8:10 am
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If this isn’t a Purim joke then it’s such commentary on society it’s incredible. Your kid is. A b.a.b.y . Stop apologizing and assigning adult emotional patterns to a two year old.
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#BestBubby
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 8:12 am
I am sure your baby knows you are cleaning him for his own good.
He is crying because it hurts but he knows you don't want to hurt him.
Same like when you take him to doctor. He knows its for own good but still scary.
Will not harm relationship.
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baked ziti
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 8:37 am
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If this helps, I have clear memories of my mother having to hold me down at the Dr or remove embedded splinters and more. It absolutely did not ruin our relationship. Kids in a healthy household have a very strong trust of their parents and innately know that their parents are trying to help them and aren't simply torturing them.
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amother
Firebrick
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Fri, Mar 22 2024, 9:56 am
Any child that has medical issues has parents who do things like this to them frequently.
Think forcing medicine, creams for rashes, injecting necessary medications etc.
I think as long as you explain what and why even if the kid doesn't understand and than say
"I'm sorry that hurt you, I wish it didn't hurt, I wish you didn't have a rash". You can be there for them in thier pain while understanding that you also have to administer whatever it is to make them better.
That is the job of a parent.
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