Go hear megillah with your kids if you have to!!

amother

Offwhite

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 6:00 pm

amother Clover wrote:

It's always a problem because they learn in school that they should go but they really don't belong there. What we do is in our family, is that my father makes a kids laining. He basically lains the first pasuk and then the person with most Hamans and the kids feel like they heard .... I I do really have an issue that the schools teach them that everyone has to hear when they're too little to actually do it....

That's so sweet. Honestly, I've wanted to go to megila until the first few Hamans (so not a long duration for my 5 YO to be quiet) and let her bang and leave. Only problem with this is that it's not practical since she has other siblings.

We tried to have DS7 (2nd grade) go but he left the shul and was running around and DH was afraid he was making noise, so DH got him and went home (and missed the rest).

amother

Hunter

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 6:06 pm

It doesn't have to be exteme, bring your kids to Megilla or don't listen. It's not all or nothing, most people manage to find a middle way.

For those who say that those who are upset that kids are making a noise are mean, it's also wrong to let your kids disturb those who went to legnths to find a babysitter not be Yotze Megilla.

amother

Cantaloupe

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 6:06 pm

amother Violet wrote:

I can picture the woman who sits in Shul with and angry face, her eyes shooting daggers towards the children who are shuffling around like little kids do, making sure that the mom notices how disproving she is.

It’s bizarre that she believes she goes home with such a huge mitzva today, because isn’t this what yiddishkeit is all about?

I've gone to shuls where the Rav makes a serious announcement in a stern tone before megillah begins that if a child starts making noise, the mother must take the child out immediately, bec everyone is mechuyav to hear each word. I take that as a halachic psak. I've heard this more or less same announcement in the same stern tone in very different types of shuls....one a straight laced Agudah type shul, and the other a usually easygoing Chabad shul--but not easygoing in this matter.

octopus

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 8:20 pm

Librarian wrote:

If you have no choice but to bring a young child to shul STAY HOME. Don't hear megillah if you have no options. You have no right to mess it up for everyone else.

Are you a rav? I don't think that's the solution. Sorry . And I'm not defending those that take young children. who are you to say what is halachically best?

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 9:17 pm

amother DarkViolet wrote:

How about those women who have husband's but they were hired to play at YOUR purim party to make it leibidig? There is not enough time for my DH to watch our children before he needs to go to work to pay the bills. Not everyone has family nearby to help them. Good luck finding a babysitter on purim. Anyone suggesting it has obviously never tried to hire one for purim.

Again, that's a minority of those who bring their kids to megillah.

Like everyone else, you have to make appropriate plans for children if you are working. The answer isn't to bring them to megillah.

I don't know about your specific circumstance, so I'm not talking to you. It's a general rule to not bring your children to megillah and there are a few exceptions to every rule. For example, perhaps if your kids are the type to be appropriately behaved at megillah, then maybe you could bring them.

If this is an ongoing issue, maybe it's time you should speak to a Rav about how to manage this situation.

Librarian

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 9:18 pm

octopus wrote:

I'm so happy you have a brain. There are other solutions to hearing megillah if one has young children and if one was willing to get creative. It's not all or nothing, people. Life is rarely like that.

I could not agree with you more. But if you read through this thread you will find ppl insisting that there are circumstances that exist where it is an absolute impossibility to come up with another solution. In that case, here is the solution: Stay Home. ONEIS RACHMANA PATREI

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 9:47 pm

Librarian wrote:

I highly doubt it's impossible to find a solution. It may be impossible without seeking help, but by calling a rav, he may be able to help find a babysitter or arrange a private reading or whatever.

Librarian

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 9:55 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

I highly doubt it's impossible to find a solution. It may be impossible without seeking help, but by calling a rav, he may be able to help find a babysitter or arrange a private reading or whatever.

We both may feel that way, but what's the point in arguing that? Let's just go along with the version that it is absolutely Impossible. If so, don't go to shul and ruin it for everyone else who made it work!

amother

Broom

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:07 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

The mom should have left before that... What's the point in continuing leining if everyone's gonna have to come back?

So she made a bad decision. Then in the moment she had to decide to stay or leave. She may have been overwhelmed and unable to think clearly. She may have hoped the baby would quiet down this time. She was wrong. But it is unlikely that it was malicious.

Is she deserving of public embarrassment? Couldn't the Rav have sent someone to discreetly tell her? If I were that women I would never want to hear Megillah again.

The more I hear about what goes on in these Megillah readings, the more I feel like for many, it's a Mitzvah Haba Al Yedei Aveira. For those who bring their noisy kids, and those who don't but shame those who do.

The solution I think is for more people to lein, and to have more smaller leinings. In a small leining most regular kid noises won't stop you from hearing, and if it's particularly noisy the Baal Korei can wait a minute and then continue. This way kids can participate without hurting anyone, and the stress and sanctimoniousness won't be as strong.

I have such a bitter taste in my mouth from hearing about this. The mothers whose children want and deserve to be part of the mitzvah, those who don't want but don't feel like they have a choice, those who are so pressured and can barely hear even in a silent shul because it's so big, those who are stressed about not missing a word. Comparing that to our home Megillah reading, you're all missing the joyfulness of Megillah.

amother

Mayflower

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:10 pm

amother Broom wrote:

Even on an average shabbos, and even when I'm overwhelmed, I would RUN outside of the shul if my child was crying/screaming/making a lot of noise.

There's no way to be discrete when someone just doesn't get it. I'm sure the Rav didn't say this after the first and second time this child was being loud. It was probably after the third, fourth, fifth.

Librarian

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:12 pm

amother Broom wrote:

There is still a bottom line here. IF YOUR CHILD MAKES NOISE DURING MEGILLAH LEINING YOU MAY NOT BRING THAT CHILD TO MEGILLAH LEINING. Period. End. Full stop. That is it. Whatever the circumstances may be. You CANNOT ruin it for everyone else.

patzer

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:15 pm

amother Broom wrote:

What do you think Hashem's reaction is if there is noise in the shul and the Baal Korei just continues leining as if nothing happened? It's a joint responsibility.

In a smaller leining it might be easier to hear even with some noise.

Ah, but if the Baal Korei does stop leining, he'll be "guilty of embarrassing the mother"!
Banging head

Librarian

Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:17 pm

I have such a bitter taste in my mouth from hearing about this. The mothers whose children want and deserve to be part of the mitzvah, those who don't want but don't feel like they have a choice, those who are so pressured and can barely hear even in a silent shul because it's so big, those who are stressed about not missing a word. Comparing that to our home Megillah reading, you're all missing the joyfulness of Megillah.[/quote]

Want? Deserve? We daven to be ZOCHEH to do a mitzah. And sometimes, it is not the right thing to do a particular mitzvah. If it comes at the expense of others, it is no mitzvah.