The year I hated Purim/ the dangers of drinking

amother

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:14 am

The first year I got married my husband got extremely drunk, to the extent he got lost walking home and ended up in an Arab neighborhood without his wallet, glasses, hat, and covered in puke. Besides the monetary lost something died inside of me . I lost my trust in him. He was brought back by the shomer but not till the next day because he couldn’t remember our address. I was up all night crying and freaking out, saying tehilim, imagining the worst. Ever since then, I get nervous when dh drinks (and have made him promise about a 1000 x to not mix drinks and not to drink more than 3 cups a wine). Some people say I am controlling and that I don’t let him enjoy Purim. All I know if that the first year was major trauma (and I am also someone who lost a close relative to drinking). It took me about 5 purims to even be able to relax at the seudah, be ok with him leaving the house.
Drinking is really not a joke. It’s one to drink to relax a little. It’s another thing to drink until you don’t know what you are doing. Before you let your sons/ husbands drink to no end, think of how your kids feel. Think if you are traumatizing them and making them hate Purim (as a kid it was my worst holiday). I am a classroom teacher, I can’t tell you how many students describe being embarrassed or scared of their fathers and brothers. There are so many victims to this free drinking day. We can be better than this.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 7:21 am

I'm so sorry for what you've experienced. I couldn't agree with you more. Anyone who says that you're controlling, clearly has never experienced this in their lifetime.

I didn't grow up this way, but my children are. It's very unfortunate. Something has to change, but change has to come from within.

BH Yom Yom

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 8:25 am

Completely agree with you 1000%!

If rabbanim and RY would come down as strongly against overdrinking (and vaping, and smoking, etc) as they do about tznius and internet, I think that might help alleviate the problem somewhat. Do they really think that teen boys and men getting so drunk they can’t walk without falling over is what Hashem wants?

“But it says in the Gemara (or Shulchan Aruch, or wherever) that a person is chayav to get drunk ad d’lo yada!”

Somehow I have a hard time believing that the Tannaim and Amoraim got so intoxicated that they were vomiting all over the place and otherwise acting in a non-bakavodig manner. And I am confident they fulfilled their chiyuv appropriately.

amother

Daphne

Mon, Mar 25 2024, 9:28 am

amother OP wrote:

I don't think I would be ok with him leaving the house inebriated.
Oh well if people think your controlling? I don't care what others think